The decision to end a relationship is one of the most difficult choices a person can make. That said, for many couples, there comes a time when the signs become increasingly clear that you may no longer be the right fit. Recognizing these things early can save you from staying longer than you should and help you make the right call.
1. Everything feels like an obligation rather than a genuine desire
There are some things in a relationship that you have to do despite not wanting to—like grabbing lunch with your partner’s parents or hosting their rowdy friends from college. But if you’re doing regular relationship stuff—like spending time together or having deep conversations—out of obligation rather than wanting to, your partner might not be right for you anymore.
2. You feel like roommates
If you and your partner live together, it might feel like you’re just shacking up with a friend (or even a stranger). This can make you feel super lonely and detached from the relationship. If the romance can’t be reignited, you might find that it’s better to break up and break the lease.
3. You’re not intellectually compatible
Lately, it seems like you and your partner have different levels of curiosity and interests and this has made it particularly challenging to have meaningful conversations and deepen your connection. Addressing this requires open communication and compromise—if that can’t happen, maybe your partner isn’t so well suited for you.
4. You think about the future…and you’re scared
Committing to someone for the long haul can be hard and scary. There’s always going to be some level of fear of the unknown, but if that fear feels like a 10-pound rock is sitting on your chest, this could be a significant red flag. Talk to your partner and get clear on if this is still the right relationship for you.
5. You don’t like bringing them out socially
Whenever you get invited to something fun, be it a birthday or a karaoke night with your childhood friends, your immediate instinct is to not invite your partner. That’s because whenever you bring them out, they don’t make enough of an effort to connect with the people who matter to you. You often end up babysitting them and worrying about their happiness rather than prioritizing having a good time.
6. You hold each other back
Lately, it seems like you two are on separate journeys. While it’s important to maintain a sense of independence in your relationships, if there’s zero cross-over or the other person is blocking you from getting where you want to go, that’s not a good sign.
7. Your core values are clashing
When you first started dating everything aligned: religion, financial priorities, life goals, family expectations. But one or both of you have changed tune—which is fine, everyone is allowed to evolve and grow. But if either of your core values that you once shared are no longer in agreement, you might have outgrown each other.
8. You’re simply exhausted
There are two kinds of people in life: ones who replenish your energy and ones who drain it. If your partner is falling into the latter more often than not, that’s less than ideal. Your partner should energize you, not deplete you, even when times are tough.
9. Intimacy has ceased to exist
Every relationship goes through ebbs and flows when it comes to intimacy. If you notice that physical intimacy has become sparse or feels forced on either end, you might want to rethink your partnership. It could simply be just a reflection of your busy lives but if this becomes something you dread, you’ve got to take a hard look at your situation.
10. You feel like you can’t trust them
Whether you’ve caught them in a lie or you have legitimate reasons to question their words and actions, not having trust in your partner isn’t a great sign. All healthy relationships are built on trust and if you feel like your partner isn’t consistent with their honesty, or hasn’t tried to fix it despite your corners, it may be time to call it quits.
11. Your inner voice is warning you
Sometimes, it’s best to trust your gut. If you constantly question your partner’s intentions, what your life looks like together, or just feel a general sense of unease, that’s a huge signal. Don’t ignore your intuition, get curious about it. You may find that you’re ready to move on from your current partner.
12. You’re unhealthily codependent
It is amazing to want to be around your partner all the time. But when that turns into reliance where you’re not able to function on your own or have an individual identity independent of your partner? That can be toxic. Counting on your partner for everything can seriously stunt your personal growth.
13. There’s no conflict resolution
Does it seem like you’re perpetually in a fight with your partner? If you struggle to communicate, reach a compromise, or fund some sort of solution when you argue, that’s a recipe for disaster. Fight after fight after fight turns into contempt and resentment—if you can’t be on the same page as your partner, it might be time to say goodbye.
14. It no longer feels fun
If there’s no humor, joy, or lightheartedness in your relationship, then what’s it all for? Sure, lots of relationships go through challenges that might call for seriousness. But if you‘re in a constant stream of sadness, even when nothing significant is happening, you might want to rethink your connection.
15. You’re still holding out hope that it’ll get better
When you got into this relationship there may have been some red flags. Throughout your relationship, you’ve continually addressed these behaviors but nothing has really changed. You love your partner and really want things to be great, but that feels far away. Acknowledging this is hard, but if they’ve shown no signs of trying to change, they may not be the one for you.
16. You’re always looking for excuses to avoid them
Do you fill your nights with drinks with friends, dinners with coworkers, and activities with acquaintances just so you don’t have to see your partner? You might have rationalized that you were just busy, but if that hit you in the gut, there’s probably some avoidance going on. If you don’t want to be around your partner, you maybe shouldn’t be with them at all.
17. You don’t feel like they appreciate you
You pride yourself on being a giver and always making an effort to contribute to the relationship. But, instead of compliments you get criticism or worse…nothing at all. Feeling underappreciated has probably led to some resentment, which means it might be time to pack up.
18. Your money habits don’t align
You might prioritize saving while your partner spends or vice versa. Or maybe when you talk about your financial future and budgeting, you have different ideas. Feeling like you’re on the same page about money is super important. If you don’t see you two getting there, this might not be the right match for you.
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