Dealing with a narcissist is draining because they always have to be right. They’ll apply any manipulation tactic they can to make you do what they want. In fact, don’t be surprised if they toss out any of these common phrases when you confront them.
1. “You’re being too sensitive.”
Narcissists lack empathy, so they have no issue with placing the blame for their actions on someone (or anyone) else. They might accuse you of being too sensitive as a way of making you doubt yourself and your own feelings, and quite often, it works. You start to wonder if you’ve blown things out of proportion. However, this is just another tactic for them to shift the blame and make you lose confidence in yourself.
2. “I never did that.”
A narcissist will try to plant some seeds of doubt in an attempt to gain control of the situation, Choosing Therapy warns. They will often completely deny any allegations and turn it around on you, telling you that you must be making it up or imagining things. But of course, those things really happened. Never doubt yourself!
3. “You could never leave me.”
The thing about narcissists if they crave attention and admiration, and they will go to dramatic lengths for it. They will tear you down and then attempt to build you up so they can have a hold on you. They’ll cruelly make you believe that no one would ever love you, so there’s no point in trying to walk away from them. Of course, the truth is that you’re so much better off without them in your life.
4. “You’re overreacting.”
Since narcissists lack empathy, they’ll probably try to dismiss your feelings. Or worse, they’ll try to make you feel guilty for the way you feel. If they tell you that you’re being silly or dramatic, this is just a control tactic. If you want to be the one in control, you have to walk away.
5. “It’s your fault, not mine.”
Narcissists don’t like to take accountability for their actions, which is why they often shift the blame on to others. By pointing the finger at you, they don’t have to face any repercussions (at least that’s what they’re hoping). It’s also a tactic to stay in control of the situation, as it makes them feel like they have some kind of power over you.
6. “Why do you hate me so much?”
If there’s one thing narcissists love, it’s to play the victim. Obviously, they’re not the one who’s been wronged here — they’re the villain. However, if they can spin it around and make you feel like the bad guy, then they’ll feel like they’ve got a hold on you. They might also be attempting to get you to feel sorry for them. Try not to fall for the mind games.
7. “Why am I always the bad guy?”
Again, narcissists love martyring themselves because they want you to pity them. They want you to go back to them again and again because you feel too bad to leave them. They may even make you question your own actions and make you consider if you share some of the blame for their behavior. You’re not making them the bad guy — they did that themselves.
8. “I’m not having this conversation.”
Sometimes narcissists get lazy. If they can’t think of an immediate response or a way to get you back on their side, they might avoid talking to you altogether. They may punish you by ignoring you or distancing themselves from you. This is a tactic to try to get you to drop it and forgive them for whatever they did.
9. “I’m done with you.”
A narcissist might try to break things off with you or threaten you with the idea of ending your relationship. They do this because they want you to forget about what they’ve done and continue with business as usual. It’s manipulation and it’s abuse. Don’t be afraid to walk away from them for good.
10. “You’re always trying to start a fight.”
Narcissists will try to deflect from their own actions and turn it around to make you look like the problem. They will try to make it look like you’re always the one picking fights and being argumentative. Of course, that’s not the case — you’re trying to call them out on their poor behavior. Don’t fall for their manipulative tactics!
11. “I can never do anything right.”
The poor narcissist. Everyone should feel sorry for them, right? Well, that’s what they want from you. They want your sympathy and loyalty. If they make you feel guilty, you’re more likely to forgive them and give them more chances. However, this only turns into a toxic pattern that you’ll never break out of. You’ll become their puppet on a string. That’s why you have to leave sooner rather than later.
12. “You made me do it.”
This is a common line said by many narcissists. It’s how they hold power over you. If they can make you believe that you’re the one responsible for their bad behavior, then this allows them to shift some of the blame on to you. By doing this, they don’t have to take full responsibility for their actions. It’s how they manipulate you into staying.
13. “You misunderstood me.”
Narcissists are masters of gaslighting. They will make you doubt your memory and your emotions. If they do something to upset you, instead of apologizing, they’ll make you believe that they didn’t do anything wrong. Not only are they innocent, but you’ve blown everything out of proportion. They’re trying to make you think that you’re the problem.
14. “You’re acting crazy.”
When you call out a narcissist, they will often use this line. You have every right to be upset and demand an apology, but narcissists don’t do apologies. They’d rather make you look like a crazy, overly emotional wreck rather than own up to their actions. Ultimately, they want to make you doubt yourself so that they can keep getting away with their poor behavior.
15. “I didn’t mean it, you know I love you.”
Sometimes, narcissists try a different tactic. They’ll offer a fake apology and tell you how much they love you to try to win you over. A narcissist can be charming when they want to be. After all, they want you to love them and admire them. They want you to keep coming back for more of their abuse, but don’t fool for their tricks! They don’t love you, they just love what they can take from you.
