You tell your best friend about your exciting new relationship, only for them to make a snide comment or change the subject. What gives? They might be feeling jealous and it’s making them come across as mean. Here are 15 things people do when they’re green-eyed with envy about your romantic relationship, but they’re trying to keep it under wraps.
1. They pretend to be concerned when they’re actually being critical.
When you talk about your new relationship, the person might try to put it down in a subtle way to make you doubt it. For example, if you tell them that you and your partner are going on vacation, they might say, “Isn’t that a bit too soon? You’ve only been dating for a few weeks.” They always have a negative comment or question to throw you off. If you confront them, they’ll say they’re just looking out for you, but they’re actually motivated by jealousy.
2. They give you backhanded compliments.
A jealous person might give you backhanded compliments to imply that your partner doesn’t deserve you or that your relationship isn’t as great as you think. For example, they might say, “Wow, your relationship seems perfect. I wish I could find someone who puts up with all my quirks the way you do with your partner.” Or, “You guys are so cute together. I never would’ve guessed that you two would’ve lasted this long.”
3. They one-up you.
If you mention something great about your relationship, they might try to talk about their dating life to outshine you. For example, if you say that your partner brought you your favorite flowers, they’ll tell you that their partner surprised them with a vacation. Their relationship is always better or more romantic than yours. If they’re single, they might try to one-up you by trying to flaunt the benefits of being single.
4. They flirt with your partner.
Someone who’s toxic and jealous of your relationship might try to be super-charming or flirty with your partner. Maybe they give your partner lots of attention when you go out together or tell you how amazing your partner is to make you feel a bit uneasy. They might be doing this to make you insecure or undermine your relationship security.
5. They talk your partner down.
Instead of flirting with your partner, they might try to undermine them all the time. They might do this with subtle comments to make them seem less amazing than they are, such as by casting doubts on their intentions. For example, when you say that your partner surprised you by surprising you at your house for your birthday, they might say, “It sounds like love-bombing.” Or, when your partner makes an effort with your friends, they might say, “They’re quite flirtatious, aren’t they?”
6. They change the subject when you talk about your relationship.
Whenever you speak to the person about your partner or relationship, they tend to direct your attention elsewhere. They might interrupt you to talk about their stressful day or something weird that happened to them on their way to work. This isn’t accidental, even if they try to make it seem spontaneous. They’re trying to show you that they don’t care about your relationship and would rather avoid it.
7. They take rain-checks on outings with your partner.
They might be jealous of your relationship that they want to avoid outings where your partner’s present. Maybe seeing you and your partner together makes them feel inferior or uncomfortable, so they’d rather take a rain-check to maintain their composure and confidence. They’ll always have a good excuse for canceling plans so they don’t make it obvious that they’re trying to avoid you.
8. They spread rumors about your partner.
If someone’s jealousy is so strong, they might find ways to sabotage your relationship. They could do this by spreading malicious gossip about your partner through your social circle. They could be hoping that whatever false information they’re spreading around town will cause your other friends to dislike your partner and make you change your mind about your relationship.
9. They complain about their life or single status.
A friend who’s jealous of your relationship might keep telling you that life is unfair to them because they can’t seem to catch a break in their dating life. While you feel bad for them, it can bring you down when you’re feeling good about your life. It could be that they’re feeling resentful about your happiness, and it’s causing them to become a Negative Nellie around you.
10. They avoid your social media relationship updates.
Whenever you post something new about your relationship on social media, this specific person never “likes” or comments. It’s quite telling, especially if you try to mention your online posts during real-life conversation and they pretend not to have seen them. Meanwhile, you know they’re on social media for hours every day!
11. They show up when your relationship is down.
Jealous people want to feel better about themselves, so they’ll find it easier to support you when you’re going through a rough patch in your relationship compared to when you’re happy and in love. While they might seem like they’re keen to support you when you’re stressed, they could be at your side because it gives them a confidence boost to see you unhappy.
12. They guilt-trip you.
They can’t stand seeing you happy in your relationship, so they’ll try to make you feel bad for having to prioritize it. For example, they might try to make you feel guilty for not spending the weekend with them and going away with your partner instead. Or, they might pick a fight with you just before a special dinner with your partner so your evening is destroyed. They always find reasons to put a dent in your happy bubble.
13. They write off your relationship complaints.
If your friend is jealous of your relationship, they might not want to hear about you complain about your issues. They don’t offer you support and empathy, perhaps because they’re so resentful of your happiness. They might have misconceptions that your relationship is perfect, so hearing you moan about your issues reminds them of their loneliness or dissatisfaction.
14. They say they’re happy for you, but you don’t believe it.
Talking to a jealous person about your relationship might make you feel uncomfortable because their words don’t match their body language. They might say they’re really happy for you to have found your person, but their smile doesn’t reach their eyes. Or, they might roll their eyes or smirk when they think you’re not looking at them. It’s unnerving.
15. They’re nostalgic for who you were before your relationship.
If your friend keeps reminding you of how great your friendship was before you found your current partner, it can make you feel like they wish you were still single. They might mention your inside jokes a lot or want to hang out at places you used to spend time together. It’s weird because it’s like they’re trying to rekindle a previous stage in your relationship, instead of progressing with you into a new one. They might even say that you’ve changed since your relationship, which could feel like a way for them to undermine you.
