Everyone is guilty of telling a small lie here and there or being a little dramatic when they stub their toe. However, these things can be bigger if you do them often. It could mean you have some toxic traits you may want to get in check. Before you start calling other people toxic, here are some personality traits that point the finger right back at you.
1. You’re dishonest and lie a lot.
Sometimes, a little fib can make something painful a little less stressful. For some, any lie is bad. If you’re the type of person to always tell lies, whether to ease the blow of the truth or because you want to be devious, you’re exhibiting toxic behavior. While it may seem easier to lie, telling the truth ensures that you don’t have to keep up the lie and won’t have to worry about getting caught.
2. You use manipulation to get your way.
Do you cry to get what you want? If so, you may be a manipulator. Manipulating people, whether through tears or some other form of making people feel guilty and inclined to do things for you, is toxic. If you want someone’s help, ask for it. If they say “no,” deal with it; don’t turn on the waterworks.
3. You’re overly dramatic.
Not only is making everything a big production toxic, but it’s also annoying to everyone who has to deal with your outbursts. Your drama makes a scene that may not be embarrassing to you, but it’s likely making the people with you wish they’d have stayed home. Tone down your drama and save the outbursts for when they’re warranted.
4. You’re not just confident, you’re arrogant.
There’s a difference between having a healthy sense of self and being an arrogant person who thinks they’re better than everyone else, Forbes points out. If your assertiveness crosses the line into thinking you know more than everyone else, and you enjoy making your intelligence known, you may be arrogant. It’s okay to be wise, but it’s smarter not to use it to demean people.
5. You like to play the victim.
Toxic people don’t want people to find them out — they will do and say anything they can to make it sound like they are the victim rather than the bad guy. If you never (or rarely) take responsibility for the things you do and blame everything on someone else (it’s my parent’s fault my credit is terrible, and I don’t believe that it’s my fault I forgot to get the oil changed for my car and now the engine is messed up), you’re being toxic. It’s time to be more responsible for your own life and actions.
6. You use emotions for blackmail.
While this may include the manipulative tactics we mentioned earlier, crying isn’t the only way to use emotions to convince people to do things for you. Emotionally, blackmailing people can use your own feelings or the emotions of the person you’re trying to blackmail. Perhaps you make up a story to make someone feel bad for you so you can get them to do something, like give you free things — this is toxic behavior.
7. You always want to be in control.
When it comes to being toxic, you want to control more than your actions. You want to be in control of everything that happens around you, including the actions of the people in your life. You may have a lot of rules for your family, including your significant other because everything has to be precisely how you want it. While this may feel good to you, it doesn’t always feel too great for the people stuck under your thumb.
8. You struggle with empathy.
While not all toxic people lack empathy, that’s something left for the narcissists and sociopaths; many struggle with it. You may lack empathy in certain situations, forget to be empathetic when it’s something people would typically do in a particular situation, or turn things around when someone seeks your guidance. In this case, you may think you’re relating to the person, but you’re making them feel as if you don’t understand or have no interest in listening to their problems.
9. You lack respect for other people.
Do you respect the people in your life? If you don’t, did they give you a reason not to respect them? Unless they’ve done something that can’t be respected, you should respect the people in your life, from family members to co-workers—being respectful means treating people fairly, being honest, and respecting people’s wishes and boundaries. If you’re being disrespectful to people regularly, your toxic behavior will turn people off.
10. You want to be the center of attention.
You can be a social butterfly and the life of the party without taking the attention away from other people who deserve to be noticed as well. When all eyes need to be on you, you’re being toxic. Whether you make every conversation about you or you cause a scene to make sure everyone is paying attention to you, the attention you’re getting may not be what you want it to be. People may be seeing you as the toxic person you are.
11. You’re often passive-aggressive.
The dictionary describes being passive-aggressive as displaying negative behavior that comes with aggression and resentment. If your responses to people are usually “catty” or displayed angrily, and you hold on to things to use in arguments later, you’re passive-aggressive and toxic. To avoid being this way, you can be assertive without coming off negatively, and when you’re having conversations, stick with the topic at hand without dragging up old news.
12. You get stuck in negativity.
Your adverse reactions when being passive-aggressive aren’t the only negativity you may exhibit as a toxic person. Toxic negativity can include being in a lousy mood and pessimistic all the time, always raining on happy moments by mentioning anything negative you can come up with, and being moody all the time. You can turn your negativity around, but you have to want to.
13. You embrace jealousy.
For many people, feelings of jealousy are fleeting. If you live to be jealous of others, always think the grass is greener on someone else’s lawn, and let that jealousy push you into anger, you’re experiencing toxic jealousy. The best thing to realize when moving through this is that everyone has issues, so even someone whose life seems perfect is going through their own trials and tribulations.
14. You’re very critical of other people.
You’re overly critical if you feel nobody can do right by you. You may be the type to do everything on your own. When someone does help you, you may redo everything they’ve done — and you’re sure to point out precisely what they did wrong.
15. You have narcissistic tendencies.
You don’t have to be a full-blown diagnosable narcissistic personality to display narcissistic tendencies. Even being too focused on yourself and ignoring the people around you can be toxic and look narcissistic to those on the outside. If you don’t get these tendencies in check, they could get worse.
16. You struggle with other people’s boundaries.
It’s easy to sometimes slip past a person’s boundaries without realizing it until they call you out. But, if you blatantly ignore people’s boundaries, you’re toxic, without a doubt. Abiding by a person’s boundaries is a great way to show them that their feelings matter and that you respect them.
17. You like making people feel guilty.
You may be toxic if you feel joy when someone else feels guilty. Everybody makes mistakes, and holding someone’s indiscretions over their head on purpose to make them continually feel bad does nothing to help or change the situation. If someone has apologized, move on.
18. You have a strong sense of entitlement.
Many people seem to think they deserve things without working for them these days. While many arguments can be made as to why we’re deserving and why we’re not, if you think you’re entitled to get everything you want at any cost, you’re being toxic. You’re not entitled to date anyone you want if they’re not interested in you. You’re not entitled to a raise if you’re not doing the work to get it.
19. You’re highly judgmental.
Can nobody in your life do things right? It may not be them; it could be you! If you’re overly judgmental of everything people around you do, your toxicity is shining through. This is an excellent time to start looking inward and see what you’re doing in your life that makes you so critical of other people.
20. You always have to be right.
It’s nice to be right once in a while, but you can be wrong sometimes, too. It’s okay to be incorrect—it’s part of the learning process of life. A toxic person is likely to argue their point, even when they’ve been proven wrong because they refuse to accept that they made a mistake.
