When meeting a man, one of the first things you might look for is that he has solid self-confidence, because this influences how he treats himself and others. Perhaps you keep an eye on how he loves and carries himself, but make sure you do a deep dive into what he’s saying, too. If he’s guilty of using these 15 phrases, it’s a red flag that he’s not as self-assured as he’s trying to seem.
1. “I’m just lucky.”
When you compliment him for achieving his goal or being so driven, he replies with, “Nah, I’m just lucky.” This might seem humble and down-to-earth, but it can also reveal a lack of confidence in his abilities. He’s saying that his success is based on chance instead of hard work, sweat, and skill. He’s brushing away his efforts by using this phrase.
2. “Know what I mean?”
Although saying this phrase once in a while doesn’t necessarily mean he lacks confidence, it’s telling if he uses it all the time. Constantly asking if you understand what he’s saying displays that he’s seeking validation or has a fear of being misunderstood. He doesn’t have confidence in his opinions and thoughts, which could cause him to check in with you all the time for reassurance.
3. “You’re out of my league.”
While he might be saying this on a date to compliment you, like hinting that you’re a catch, it also tells you that he’s not self-assured. He doesn’t believe that he has the positive or appealing traits to match yours, meaning that thinks he’s not good enough for you. He’s putting himself down because he lacks self-worth and self-esteem.
4. “I’m sorry!”
While it’s refreshing to meet a man who takes responsibility for his slip-ups, it’s not a good sign if he keeps apologizing for everything. Maybe he apologizes for things he hasn’t even done, like saying sorry when your food arrives late at a restaurant or you have a cold. He’s insecure, constantly apologizing because he fears that his actions or words will be met with rejection. He’s trying hard to be seen as perfect while seeking reassurance from you.
5. “Sure, whatever you want is fine by me.”
If the guy you’re getting to know always lets you take the lead, like deciding what date activities you do together, you might think it’s cool that he wants a fair and balanced relationship. That could be true, but it can also show that he lacks confidence. He’s not secure enough to express what he wants to do or what he needs in the relationship. Perhaps he fears conflicting with your ideas and wants, which could cause drama he’s desperately trying to avoid. The result? He’s turned into a “yes” man to keep you happy.
6. “Don’t worry about it.”
When you make a mistake or misunderstand what he’s trying to say, you might apologize. In reply, a guy who lacks confidence might quickly say, “Don’t worry about it.” It seems kind and polite, but it can also be a way for him to avoid focusing on his feelings. He might lack the confidence to assert himself and speak up about things that upset him.
7. “Thank you! Thank you so much.”
Being grateful is one of the most appealing qualities in a guy. It shows that he doesn’t take things for granted and is an appreciative soul. But, if he’s over thanking you all the time for every little thing, it might start to feel like he’s trying too hard. He’s coming across as desperate for validation, which is a red flag that he’s insecure.
8. “Well… um… er…”
Using filler words during conversation such as “well” or “um” makes someone come across as unsure about what they’re saying. They’re hesitating because they don’t feel confident about their opinions, thoughts, or knowledge. In some cases, he’ll use these words because he’s buying his time, trying to come up with something impressive to say.
9. “I could be wrong, but…”
Although he might use this phrase because he doesn’t want to seem like a know-it-all, it can make him come across as lacking confidence in his knowledge and abilities. He’s scared of making a mistake or doing something wrong, which can make conversation tricky because he’s hiding his real thoughts and feelings. Instead of saying, “I could be wrong,” saying something like “I believe” is better because it sounds more positive.
10. “I don’t want to sound silly, but…”
When a guy uses this phrase, it shows that he’s scared of others thinking he lacks intelligence. He’s afraid that by saying what’s on his mind, he’ll be judged unfairly for it, bruising his ego and rattling his fragile self-esteem. He expects you to write off his opinions as “silly,” which causes him to preface his words. Instead of having the confidence to say what’s on his mind and giving you the chance to reply, he’s stuck in an insecure cycle!
11. “It’s not my fault…”
Although a guy who’s quick to say, “It’s not my fault” comes across as arrogant or narcissistic, it can also reveal a lack of confidence. He doesn’t feel capable of stepping up and taking responsibility for his wrongdoings to make positive changes in his life. So, he expects others to take responsibility for him. He’s acting like he’s powerless about his future which is a tell-tale sign of no confidence.
12. “I’m not that great.”
When you compliment him, paying attention to his reaction can tell you a lot about his state of confidence. Although he might be humble and not want to seem big-headed, when he says, “I’m not that great” or “I’m not that special,” he’s putting himself down. It shows that he doesn’t see his positive traits. Because he’s lacking self-confidence, he doesn’t believe the good things people say about him.
13. “I’m probably overthinking it.”
If a guy says this phrase, it highlights that he’s dealing with a lot of self-doubt and could be second-guessing himself at every turn. He’s highly self-critical, doubting his judgment and ability to make good decisions. A lack of confidence causes overthinking. The result? The guy tries to anticipate every possible outcome, constantly fearing making the wrong choice.
14. “I’m not good enough.”
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When you suggest to the guy that he should sell his beautiful artwork or publish a book, he replies with, “I’m not good enough.” Even if he doesn’t have the most confidence in the world, he’s selling himself short and it shows. He doesn’t see opportunities for growth in his life because he’s so negative about himself. In some cases, this phrase might also make you feel like he’s trying to fish for compliments to boost his confidence.
15. “That guy’s checking you out…”
If you’re spending time with a guy who always notices when other men are looking at you or flirting with you, it can start to feel like he’s jealous and insecure. By using this phrase, he’s telling you that he’s feeling threatened—he has a fear of competition and wants your reassurance to build up his fragile self-esteem.
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