When trying to give someone advice, there’s a time and place. It’s also worth considering how well you know the person. Perhaps you’re someone who wears their heart on their sleeve and just can’t help but say what you’re thinking—no matter who you’re talking to. While you might have good intentions, unsolicited statements or comments might be perceived as rude. Cut these from your vocab ASAP.
1. “No offense, but…”
When you start out by saying this to someone, there’s a good chance you already know that the next thing you say will be offensive. This is because you have deliberately prefaced what you’re going to say with this disclaimer. You know that what you’re saying is rude, but you think that by prefacing it in this way, the person you’re talking to can’t be offended.
2. “You look tired.”
When has anyone ever wanted to hear that they look tired? If they are, they most likely know it. They’re probably thinking about it a lot and wishing they could get some rest. The last thing they need is someone commenting on their appearance, claiming that their feelings are on display for everyone to see.
3. “Please don’t take this personally.”
Just like when you preface a statement with “no offense,” if you tell someone not to take what you’re about to say to them personally, there’s a good chance they will. Once you’ve said this, you can’t take it back, and it’s the only thing they will be thinking about, no matter what else you say.
4. “I’m just kidding!”
Teasing and having good banter is one thing, but disguising your insults or criticisms by saying it’s “just a joke” will often be taken the wrong way. Usually, when somebody says something too forward or out of line to a person, they’ll quickly try to backtrack on their statement by claiming that they weren’t being serious. However, the damage is already done.
5. “I’m not trying to insult you, but…”
Again, once somebody hears the word “insult” as one of the first things you say, they will paint anything else that comes out of your mouth with this brush. If someone claims that what they’re telling you isn’t them being mean, then it most likely is – otherwise, they wouldn’t have to say this.
6. “With respect…”
How often do you hear this phrase thrown around at work? You may work for a particularly passive-aggressive boss who doesn’t have much experience in saying things diplomatically. If this is the case, you’re probably familiar with this tactic. They always seem to say this before saying something disrespectful.
7. “Bless you!”
On its own, this sounds like a lovely, kind thing to say to someone. It comes off like the person cares about others and wants them to know it. However, it’s all about context. If someone is telling it to you condescendingly, then they intend to belittle you. In other words, they’re calling you stupid.
8. “I’m not trying to interrupt, but…”
Of course, when someone claims they aren’t trying to interfere with a two-way conversation, the reality is the opposite. A statement like this sounds polite, but when seen in its usual context, you quickly realize that most people use it to be rude and disruptive. They think that saying this cancels out their rudeness.
9. “You’re too sensitive.”
Being vulnerable is a great character trait and brings out many good qualities in someone, especially if they’re in a relationship. However, if someone accuses you of being too vulnerable, this is a completely different scenario. Basically, what they’re trying to say is that they think you get offended too easily and need to chill out.
10. “Just saying…”
When you think of the last time you had a conversation with someone who was hypercritical of you, did they try to soften the blow by saying this at the end? Often, someone who is rude will use this to make you feel like they’re just playing around when, in reality, they’re intentionally trying to get under your skin.
11. “Thanks for sharing that with me.”
When we’re confiding in someone we trust, it always feels good to hear them say they appreciate our vulnerability. However, depending on the tone and approach, this can be seen in a whole different light. Someone at work may like to throw this phrase around a lot. They mean that they heard what we had to say but don’t care.
12. “Like I said before…”
When somebody mentions that they’ve said what they’re saying to you previously, they’re not trying to recall your memory. They’re trying to tell you that they’re tired of repeating themselves and don’t plan on doing it again. It’s the same as somebody telling you to shut up.
13. “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
Adding this little statement to an apology is a surefire way to tell someone you don’t care about their concerns. You are looking for that person to say sorry, and that person doesn’t believe that they’re in the wrong. So, instead of apologizing, they communicate through this phrase that it’s a shame you feel the way you do.
14. “That’s one way to see it…”
Replying to your opinion on something with this statement is them telling you that you’re wrong. They don’t want to come out and say that they don’t agree with you directly, but they still want you to know that they have a problem with it.
15. “I took the liberty of…”
What’s interesting about this phrase is that it hardly hides its true meaning. When someone says they’ve done something by “taking the liberty,” they really have “taken the liberty”—they’ve crossed the line.
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