We all go through tough times, and while society traditionally might not shine the spotlight on men when it comes to facing difficulties, the truth is that they are just as vulnerable as women. This means they need as much support during those tough times as women do. Here are 15 specific things men need in tumultuous times.
1. They need admiration and approval.
While you might think that women need to be validated more, men can benefit from being praised, especially if they are going through a tough time. If your partner is the head of the household, he has a lot on his shoulders. Giving him praise and validation when he needs to hear it most will go a long way.
2. They need space.
Your instinct might be to spend time with your man when he’s going through a tough time, and while we’re sure he’ll appreciate this, he’ll also appreciate a bit of time alone. When men go through tough times, they need time to themselves to process what they’re going through and problem-solve. When they get this, they are better able to face their predicament.
3. They need to feel like they can be vulnerable.
Again, vulnerability in men isn’t something widely talked about, and as a result, it’s almost taboo for men to be open. While society might not have caught up with this yet, there’s no reason why you can’t allow your man to be open in your relationship. Set aside time in both of your schedules to sit down together and have an open, safe space where you can share your feelings with one another.
4. They need your physical affection.
While your man might need space, he also needs to feel that you’re there for him. One of the best ways to show this during a tough time is to give him your physical attention. Being physically close to you can help ease the burden of what he’s going through and also help him share his feelings more. Whether it’s a kiss, a hug, or just cuddling while watching a movie, being intentional about physical affection helps your man feel reassured.
5. They need your reassurance.
It might feel like you, as the woman, need most of the validation in a relationship, but your man needs just as much, particularly if he’s facing a difficult season. While men don’t really like to talk about their feelings, they still like to know that their partner cares about them. Getting this validation gives them the strength to face whatever it is that they’re dealing with.
6. They need to feel like a hero.
According to psychologist James Bauer, all men have a “hero” instinct—an innate need to protect their romantic partners. If you have traditional gender roles in your relationship, then your man will want to feel that he is the provider (even when he’s going through a tough time). Let him maintain this leadership role even if he’s struggling, and make it clear that you feel provided for and protected because of this.
7. They need to feel safe to make mistakes.
Another issue that men can deal with, especially if they are stuck in a tough season, is feeling the pressure to not fail. When going through a tough time, men need to feel that it’s okay to get things wrong and that it’ll be alright when they do. Show them grace when they make mistakes, and communicate that your relationship is a safe space where they are allowed to mess up.
8. They need to have an outlet.
Everyone deals with tough times differently, and typically, women like to talk about their problems. For men, though, as well as needing space, they often like to go away and process their issues through an activity or a hobby. If life has been a bit overwhelming lately for your man, encourage him to explore a new interest where he can blow off steam and spend some time thinking about what he’s going through.
9. They need you to be understanding.
Everyone has expectations of their partner in a relationship, and you have every reason to hold your partner accountable to these expectations. However, if your man is going through a tough time right now, they might need you to lower your expectations and give them a little more leeway than usual.
10. They need you to continue to communicate.
Because men tend to clam up when talking about their feelings, you might feel that the best thing for him right now is to avoid bringing up the issues. However, what your man might need instead is for you to maintain an open line of communication with him. Plan a coffee date, or a hike, where you have the time and space to talk to him about what he’s going through and the opportunity to share your feelings as well.
11. They need you to be honest with them.
However tough the situation is that your man is in, he still needs and appreciates the truth. If you are truthful with him, he feels he can be truthful with you, too. This also allows for the crux of the situation to emerge, leading to a quicker resolution. Perhaps you see the situation he’s going through from a different perspective, but you aren’t sure if you should say something. Even if he’s initially skeptical of your angle, being honest about it could result in helping him find a resolution that he hadn’t thought of.
12. They need to feel like a priority.
We all know that most men like to assert the provider role in a partnership, including making you feel like you are number one. If this is the case for you and your man, it’s important not to forget that he needs to feel valued, too. If he’s going through a tough time, this is the perfect opportunity to make him feel he’s number one and that you care about him. He might need a night out with his friends, a day on the golf course, or time to go for a hike and reflect. Whatever it is he loves to do, surprise him with it, making him feel special and prioritized.
13. They need to know that you don’t blame them.
If you haven’t communicated this yet, your man must know that you don’t fault him for the tough time that he’s in. Because he’s the provider, he might automatically point the finger at himself for the situation, even if it’s not his fault. Try sending him an email, calling him out of the blue at work, or even writing him a letter to tell him exactly how you feel, so he knows that you don’t fault him for the situation he’s in.
14. They need a reminder of the small blessings.
When men are going through a tough time, they must remember what they can be thankful for. If this is the case, it’s a good chance for you to help your man focus on the smaller things for which you can both still be thankful. Get out some old family photos, cook his favorite dinner for him, or put his favorite movie on to remind him that he can still be thankful for the small things.
15. They need a healthy routine.
One of the best ways to help your man when he’s going through a tough time is to ensure his schedule is consistent. There’s only so much that he can control about the challenging situation, so it’s crucial that he feels like he can control other aspects of life. Ask him to communicate what a healthy schedule looks like, and then help him implement it.
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