We all love feeling special, right? But when someone goes over the top, it might be a red flag. Narcissists are masters at making you feel like the center of their universe, but their tactics are all about manipulation, not genuine affection. Here are some of their go-to moves to be aware of so you can spot them a mile away.
1. They shower you with compliments at first.
Expect an avalanche of compliments early in the relationship. They’ll tell you how amazing, beautiful, intelligent, or talented you are. You might think, “Wow, they really get me!” But don’t be fooled. It’s all part of the love-bombing phase, designed to draw you in, Psych Central warns. It’s insincere flattery used to gain your trust and admiration.
2. They make you feel like you’re the only one who understands them.
Narcissists often claim that nobody else “gets” them like you do. They might confide in you about their troubled past, their struggles, or their unique perspective on life, which creates an illusion of intimacy and makes you feel special for being their confidant. In reality, it’s just a way to manipulate you into feeling sorry for them and gaining your loyalty.
3. They give you gifts and attention (that later become a bargaining chip).
Narcissists know the power of gifts and attention. They might shower you with flowers, lavish dinners, or expensive presents. This can be exhilarating at first, but beware. They often use these gestures to later manipulate you, reminding you of how much they’ve done for you when they want something in return.
4. They mirror your interests and opinions.
Narcissists are chameleons who adapt to their audience. They’ll enthusiastically agree with your opinions, hobbies, and tastes, even if they secretly find them boring. They do this to create a sense of connection and make you feel understood. It’s a deceptive tactic to gain your trust and make you feel like you’ve found your soulmate.
5. They create a sense of urgency and exclusivity.
Narcissists might say things like, “I’ve never felt this way about anyone before” or “You’re the only person who makes me feel alive.” They create an illusion of a whirlwind romance, pushing for quick commitments and isolating you from your friends and family. This is all about control and making you feel like you’re missing out on something amazing if you don’t comply.
6. They make grand promises (that they never keep).
Future faking is a common narcissistic tactic, Verywell Mind reveals. They paint a picture of a perfect future together, filled with travel, adventure, and unwavering love. But these promises are empty. They’re designed to hook you into the relationship and make you overlook their flaws. Don’t get caught up in their fantasy world.
7. They create drama to keep you hooked.
Narcissists love drama. They’ll start fights, create misunderstandings, or even manufacture crises to keep you engaged and emotionally invested. This constant roller coaster of emotions keeps you focused on them and their needs, neglecting your own.
8. They use love as a weapon.
One minute they shower you with affection, the next they’re cold and distant. This hot-and-cold behavior keeps you guessing and desperate for their approval. They might withhold love and affection as a form of punishment, or use it as a reward when you do what they want. It’s a manipulative tactic designed to control you through your emotions.
9. They isolate you from your support network.
Narcissists thrive on having all your attention. They’ll subtly (or not-so-subtly) discourage you from spending time with friends or family, making you feel guilty or like you’re choosing them over your loved ones. They might even badmouth your friends and family to turn you against them. This isolation makes you more dependent on them and easier to control.
10. They create a false sense of intimacy.
They’ll share their deepest secrets, vulnerabilities, and fears early on, making you feel like you have a special bond. But this is a trap! They might be fabricating details or exaggerating for dramatic effect. This false intimacy is designed to lower your guard and make you feel obligated to share your own secrets, giving them more ammunition to use against you later.
11. They use guilt and shame to control you.
As Psychology Today reminds us, narcissists are masters of emotional manipulation. They’ll guilt-trip you for not meeting their unrealistic expectations, shame you for your flaws or past mistakes, and make you feel like you’re constantly letting them down. This constant feeling of guilt and shame keeps you walking on eggshells, trying to earn their approval.
12. They make you feel like you’re always wrong.
In a narcissist’s world, they’re always right, and you’re always wrong. They’ll twist your words, deny your reality, and make you question your own sanity. They might even rewrite history, changing details of past events to fit their narrative. This relentless gaslighting erodes your self-confidence and makes you doubt your own judgment.
13. They give backhanded compliments.
These seemingly positive remarks are actually designed to cut you down. They might say things like, “You look great for your age” or “You’re so smart for someone without a degree.” These subtle insults are often hidden behind a smile, making you question whether you’re being too sensitive.
14. They compare you to others (and you always come up short).
Narcissists love to compare you to ex-partners, friends, or even strangers. They’ll point out how much better someone else is at cooking, managing money, or maintaining their appearance. This constant comparison erodes your self-esteem and makes you feel like you’re never good enough.
15. They triangulate you with other people.
This involves bringing a third party into the dynamic to create jealousy and insecurity. They might flirt with others in front of you, talk about their ex, or constantly compare you to their friends or colleagues. This triangulation keeps you on edge and vying for their attention.
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