If you lack emotional maturity, this can be a huge red flag for your partner. So, how do you know if you’re guilty of being toxic in your relationship? Here are 15 toxic behaviors that will make your emotionally mature partner want to race out the door.
1. You whip out your victim card.
When things go wrong, you might find a way to make other people or situations the problem, instead of looking inwards. You regularly feel like a victim in life, which can be frustrating for your partner to deal with because they just want you to take accountability and make positive changes.
2. You don’t compromise.
Without compromise, relationships can be difficult and filled with tension. Compromise is about meeting your partner halfway so you both get your needs met. If your partner’s needs are never being acknowledged but you’re always trying to get what you want, you’re guilty of selfish behavior.
3. You constantly seek validation.
Being with someone who needs a lot of praise and approval can become exhausting. Your partner might find it frustrating when you keep asking them to confirm how you feel about them or you sneakily try to fish for compliments.
4. You bring up previous grudges.
It’s never healthy to pull up previous hurts and grudges from the past, such as during an argument with your partner. It shows that there’s resentment building in the relationship and it can make your partner feel like you’re blocking relationship progress from happening.
5. You’re super jealous.
While you might have valid reasons to be jealous of your partner’s connections outside of the relationship, too much jealousy can cause unnecessary stress. Jealousy stems from insecurities and can pull up lots of emotions that can spiral if you don’t deal with them.
6. You’re controlling.
Monitoring your partner’s every move can make them want to escape your prison-like grasp. You might have controlling tendencies because you’re insecure, lack self-worth, or have trust issues, but they push your partner away. Try to see things from their point of view: they don’t want to feel like they can’t breathe or have a life outside of the relationship.
7. You lack empathy.
Emotionally mature people have high levels of empathy, but they shouldn’t feel like their partners don’t give them the same empathetic response in return. If you don’t acknowledge and validate your partner’s emotions, this can make them feel that they’re being dismissed.
8. You refuse to grow.
Everyone goes through tough times, but the goal is to come out of them with a stronger mindset. If you’re blocking your own progress and holding tight to your comfort zone, your partner might feel like your behavior’s also holding them back.
9. You’re making other people a priority.
Instead of treating your partner like they’re your number-one person in life, you might be reaching out to others when you need your emotional needs, or other needs, met. This builds a wall between you and your partner, pushing them away. They want to give you support, but you have to be open to it.
10. You refuse to listen.
Do you really pay attention to your partner? If you’re constantly interrupting them or cutting them off so you can do other tasks, this can make your partner feel unloved and unappreciated. And, if you’re zoning out of a conversation when it’s not going the way you want it to, that comes across as emotionally immature.
11. You blame your partner for everything.
Whenever things go wrong, you point the finger at your partner, even if they’re not to blame. This comes across as childish and can make your partner feel like they’re never good enough for you. It’s also frustrating to deal with someone who won’t take any responsibility for anything.
12. You’re freeloading.
If you take advantage of your partner’s kindness without giving them anything in return, you’re not on an equal footing. It’s like you expect them to fund your life and look after you while you can focus on yourself. Woah! It lacks emotional maturity and can become tiring really fast.
13. You stonewall your partner.
Stonewalling is when you shut down communication, like if you give your partner the silent treatment after a fight until they apologize. This is like a school ground game of ignoring your peers, and it doesn’t solve anything. It just piles on your relationship problems.
14. You’re only focused on yourself.
You always want to talk about your job and dreams and expect your partner to cater to all your needs. Yup, it’s all about you! If you’re dating someone with empathy, they might try to see your side of things, but soon they’ll lose patience and want to be with someone who gives as much as they get.
15. You blow up at anything.
If you’re having tantrums on the regular, your partner’s going to start to feel like they’re a parent and you’re their misbehaving child. It displays a lack of emotional regulation, while also zapping self-awareness. Don’t throw all your anger and other feelings on your partner—they’re not an emotional dumping ground!
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