You know that icky feeling of being used? Like a doormat with everyone wiping their shoes on you? It’s not just about being nice, sometimes it’s a pattern of putting everyone else’s needs before your own. It’s saying yes when you want to scream no, and biting your tongue when you should be speaking your mind. Sound familiar? Here are some telltale signs you might be a people-pleaser in overdrive.
1. You apologize excessively.
Saying “I’m sorry” is a reflex for you, even when it’s not your fault. Did someone bump into you? You apologize. Is your coffee order wrong? You apologize. It’s like you’re constantly taking the blame for everything that goes wrong, even if it has nothing to do with you. You worry about causing any inconvenience or upsetting anyone, so you default to apologizing as a way to smooth things over. As Psychology Today notes, this can have a negative effect on your mental and emotional health in the long-term, so it’s important to stop ASAP!
2. You struggle to say “no.”
Whether it’s a friend asking for a favor, a coworker piling on more work, or your partner making plans you’re not excited about, saying “no” feels impossible. You worry about disappointing people or damaging relationships, so you end up agreeing to things you don’t want to do. This can lead to resentment and feeling overwhelmed because you’re constantly overcommitting yourself.
3. You prioritize everyone else’s needs over your own.
You’re always the one going out of your way to help people, even if it means neglecting your own needs. You might stay late at work to finish a project for someone else, offer to babysit for a friend even though you’re exhausted, or put off your own plans to accommodate someone else’s schedule. While being helpful is admirable, constantly putting yourself last can leave you feeling depleted and unappreciated.
4. You change your opinions to please other people.
You’re a chameleon when it comes to your opinions. In one conversation, you might agree with your friend’s political views, and in another, you might echo your partner’s taste in movies. You avoid conflict and want everyone to like you, so you mold yourself to fit their preferences. However, this can lead to losing sight of your own beliefs and feeling inauthentic.
5. You feel responsible for other people’s happiness.
You feel like it’s your job to make sure everyone around you is happy. If someone is upset, you immediately try to fix the situation or cheer them up. You take on their problems as your own and worry about their well-being. While empathy is important, taking on too much emotional responsibility can be draining and lead to codependent relationships.
6. You avoid confrontation.
Conflict makes you cringe. You’d rather swallow your feelings than risk upsetting someone or having a disagreement. This can lead to bottling up resentment and feeling unheard. Avoiding confrontation might seem like the peaceful option, but it can actually cause more problems in the long run.
7. You have trouble accepting compliments.
When someone compliments you, your first instinct is to deflect or downplay it. You might say, “Oh, it was nothing,” or “I just got lucky.” You struggle to believe good things about yourself and feel uncomfortable with praise. This can stem from low self-esteem or a fear of appearing arrogant.
8. You often feel taken advantage of.
If you constantly feel like people are using you or taking you for granted, it’s a major red flag. Maybe your friends always ask you for favors but never return them, or your partner relies on you to do all the chores around the house. Feeling used can leave you feeling resentful and unappreciated. It’s important to recognize when your relationships are imbalanced and take steps to address it.
9. You struggle to express your needs and desires.
You’re so focused on meeting other people’s needs that you neglect your own. You might be afraid of seeming selfish or demanding if you express what you want. This can lead to feeling resentful and unfulfilled in your relationships. It’s important to communicate your needs clearly and assertively, even if it feels uncomfortable at first.
10. You constantly seek approval from other people.
You’re always looking for external validation. You might constantly seek compliments from friends or family, post on social media hoping for likes, or worry about what anyone else thinks of your choices. Your self-worth is tied to what other people think of you, which can be a recipe for insecurity and unhappiness.
11. You have difficulty setting boundaries.
You struggle to say no to requests, even when they’re unreasonable or infringe on your personal time. You might let people interrupt you, overshare personal information, or make decisions for you. This lack of boundaries can lead to feeling overwhelmed and resentful.
12. You neglect your own well-being.
You put everyone else’s needs before your own, neglecting your physical and emotional well-being in the process. You might skip meals to finish a project, sacrifice sleep to help a friend, or ignore your own health concerns. This can lead to burnout, exhaustion, and even health problems. As Psych Central notes, it’s important to overcome self-abandonment if you want to live a happy, healthy life.
13. You feel guilty when you prioritize yourself.
When you finally do something for yourself, you’re plagued by guilt. You might feel like you’re being selfish or neglecting people. This guilt can be so strong that it prevents you from taking care of yourself and enjoying your own life. Self-care isn’t selfish — it’s a must if you want to maintain your well-being and your sanity!
14. You attract people who take advantage of you.
Your people-pleasing tendencies might attract people who are looking to exploit your kindness and generosity. These individuals might be manipulative or simply unaware of how their actions affect you. It’s important to be able to recognize and distance yourself from these types of relationships.
15. You’re always the one making compromises.
In any conflict or disagreement, you’re the one who always gives in. You might compromise on your values, your opinions, or your desires just to avoid upsetting the other person. This can lead to feeling unheard and undervalued in your relationships.
