We all have that one family member or friend who dominates every conversation by talking about themselves. Maybe you just nod and smile until they finish telling you an anecdote you’ve heard a million times before, or you try to cut them off by saying you’ve got to run to a meeting. Dealing with them is frustrating and can make you feel like your needs never get met in the relationship. To better understand them, here are 15 reasons why some people can’t seem to stop making every conversation about them.
1. They’re going through emotional trauma.
Excessively talking about oneself isn’t always a permanent habit. Someone might do this for a short period of time because they’re experiencing something that’s consuming all their headspace, such as trauma. Usually, when the stressful situation has passed, they’ll go back to being a more balanced conversationalist, so being patient and allowing them to vent can help to support them during this difficult time.
2. They don’t have empathy.
A lack of empathy can cause someone to be selfish during conversation because they have tunnel vision when it comes to their emotions. While they want people to support and listen to their feelings, it’s completely one-sided, as they don’t seem to care about acknowledging other people in the room who might have something of value to contribute to the conversation.
3. They’re insecure.
If someone’s dealing with insecurity, they might speak about themselves a lot to get validation from other people because it makes them feel better. When people actively listen to them or give them positive body language cues during conversation, it boosts their self-esteem and self-worth. They might also talk excessively to ward off discomfort during social gatherings.
4. They’re selfish.
Someone who wants to derail every conversation so it becomes about them is selfish. They might interrupt people or try to speak louder than everyone else so that the focus is always on them. A possible explanation for this behavior is having a sense of entitlement that can stem from a personality disorder, such as narcissism.
5. They’re an attention hog.
Walking around with a strong need for other people’s attention can cause someone to talk about themselves too much. They feel worthy when they’re sitting in the spotlight, with everyone’s eyes on them. They might even try to compete with people for attention because it gives them such a boost of confidence.
6. They have ADHD.
If someone has been diagnosed with a mental health condition such as Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), they might talk about themselves too much, especially during times when their feelings are overwhelming and preventing them from considering other people’s feelings. They might also give people too much information because a common ADHD symptom is impulsivity.
7. They have social anxiety.
It’s a misconception to think that someone with social anxiety will be a wallflower. Sometimes, the opposite is true. To combat feelings of anxiety, the person might try to overcompensate by talking about themselves a lot. It can be a distraction from the sweaty palms and heart palpitations that are making them feel awful.
8. They feel awkward during silences.
Some people struggle to deal with conversation silences, as it makes them feel uncomfortable. They don’t want to feel panicked when silence descends, which motivates them to ramble on about themselves. They might also resort to talking about themselves in other awkward social situations, such as when meeting new people.
9. They can’t regulate their excitement.
If someone feels enthusiastic about a topic of conversation and struggles to regulate their emotions, this can cause them to feel a desperate need to share their stories. They might interrupt people and claim that they’re just too excited to wait for a chance to speak. While their energy is contagious, it can also be frustrating to try to communicate with them.
10. They’ve developed a negative communication habit.
If someone’s used to talking about themselves with people who never call them out on it, such as family members, they might end up doing this all the time with friends or even strangers. It’s become a bad habit that’s difficult to break! By becoming more aware of how they make every conversation about themselves, they can learn to let other people take the spotlight.
11. They struggle with social skills.
Some people don’t have the social skills that encourage healthy communication. Although they want to interact with people, they might be guilty of off-putting behaviors, such as going off on a self-absorbed tangent. There are various reasons that can contribute to a lack of social skills, such as mental health conditions like anxiety and depression.
12. They have narcissistic tendencies.
A conversational narcissist is someone who dominates conversations by making everything about them, without caring at all about what other people have to say. They leave no room for any other opinions or experiences. Interestingly, some conversational narcissists speak about themselves a lot to deal with feelings of anxiety.
13. They lack knowledge about certain topics.
While you might assume that someone who doesn’t know much about a topic everyone’s talking about would remain quiet, sometimes the opposite happens. Although they lack information, they might try to talk extensively about their personal experiences because this is all they have to offer.
14. They don’t read social cues.
Have you ever been speaking to someone who didn’t seem to register the blank look on your face when they derailed the conversation with yet another story about themselves? Some people have difficulty reading social cues, such as if they’re on the autism spectrum disorder (ASD), which could make them miss non-verbal signs that it’s inappropriate to share their stories and dominate conversations.
15. They’re trying to connect with people.
Some people who find it challenging to build positive connections with others might think that they should talk about their personal anecdotes to find some common ground with them. Although this can be useful, it might cause them to go overboard and end up talking about themselves too much.
