There’s a lot of hype about purchasing lavish engagement rings, but they’re not always a positive omen for marriage. In a study, researchers found that the more expensive the engagement ring, the shorter one’s marriage. Why is this? Let’s explore 15 common reasons that prove it might be best to spend less on a rock to secure a happier union.
1. Expensive engagement rings put people into debt.
Generally, people tend to spend approximately between $5,000 and $10,000 on engagement rings. Some people go higher than that and could end up in financial debt to pay it off. In the previously mentioned study, the authors claim that taking on this debt can lead to stress for the newlyweds, increasing tension in their marriage.
2. It shows you’re not focused on relationship quality.
If couples are obsessed with finding the perfect or most expensive engagement ring to show their love, this could be a sign that they’re worrying too much about the materialistic side of their marriage. They’re not focused enough on their feelings for each other, or valuing the act of marriage itself is more important than the engagement ring.
3. It’s a sign of impulsivity.
A reason why some couples splurge on expensive engagement rings is that they’re impulsive. They might not limit their wedding expenses to just the ring but also spend tons of money on the entire wedding celebration. While this might be fun, it can lead to negative consequences. In this case, impulsivity is the problem, not the ring itself. It can cause conflict between partners in the relationship, especially if one partner is always making spontaneous and costly decisions.
4. It could signal a search for distraction.
Couples who spend a lot on wedding jewelry might be using this as a distraction. Instead of focusing on their upcoming nuptials and any issues they’re dealing with in their relationship, they’re putting all their energy into purchasing an expensive engagement ring and the whirlwind of planning a wedding. There might not be much substance in their relationship, to begin with.
5. It points to a misalignment of values.
One person in the relationship might think that giving their partner a huge rock to wear on their finger shows that they’re so in love with them, but the other person might not agree. Instead, they might value financial security and stability over symbols of wealth. This clash of values can create arguments, and perhaps even the breakup of a marriage in the future.
6. It can cause unrealistic expectations.
When someone invests in an expensive engagement ring that puts them into debt, this can create expectations in the relationship. The receiver of the ring might expect more lavish gifts in the future, putting pressure on their partner. Or, they might assume that if their partner can invest so much money into a ring, they’re going to make lots of effort to keep the relationship exciting.
7. It creates a false sense of security.
It’s said that an engagement ring is an investment in the relationship. When someone receives an expensive ring, they might assume that it means the partner is going to show their investment in the marriage in other ways, like by being honest and faithful. But, at the end of the day, it’s just a ring and many people who have purchased expensive rings have gone on to cheat on their partners!
8. It screams societal pressure.
Many people preparing to get married will cite the “three-month salary rule,” meaning that it’s expected that one partner purchases a ring for the other that is the same amount as three months of their salary. Couples might feel the pressure to live up to this idea just for the sake of it. This can overshadow the commitment of the ring because it’s become all about money.
9. It can be used to manipulate one’s partner.
If the person purchasing the expensive engagement ring is a narcissist, they might view it as a manipulative tool. They might be using this lavish item of jewelry to impress their partner and lock them down into a marriage. Or, they’re hoping that spending so much money on a ring means their partner will view them in a positive light. Needless to say, the marriage will be toxic, filled with a lack of trust and emotional intimacy.
10. It can perpetuate inequality.
In heterosexual couples, traditionally it’s been the responsibility of the man to purchase the engagement ring for his wife-to-be. This can put financial pressure on the man while making the woman feel like she’s being bought with an expensive ring. Such traditional (and archaic) gender roles can set the stage for marriage inequality, putting strain on the relationship.
11. It’s all about those IG snaps.
On social media, we’ve all seen couples who’ve just gotten engaged flaunting the engagement ring in their pics. While this can be viewed as a way to celebrate the good news with their loved ones, sometimes it comes across as being a bit braggy or boastful. The couple might be buying into the pressure to impress others with the extravagant ring, which in some cases can points to a superficial commitment in the relationship.
12. It’s not actually about the marriage.
The interesting thing about the pressure to buy extravagant engagement rings is that they’re given to one’s partner months or years before the wedding. So, they’re not really about the couple’s wedding day. Couples who are so obsessed with spending a lot of money on the ring aren’t doing it because it’s a positive omen for their marriage—that only comes later, which makes one wonder about their motivations for splurging on the ring in the first place.
13. It’s not necessarily a symbol of love.
So much emphasis is placed on the engagement ring being a symbol of the commitment between the people in the relationship. That’s why people assume it has to be the largest, most sparkly, and most expensive ring they can find. But who says that it’s the only symbol that matters? While jewelry companies will focus on the ring being a sign of love (think of the marketing campaign about diamonds being forever), the truth is that for couples who love each other, anything can be a symbol of their love.
14. It’s sometimes just about status.
There’s sometimes pressure for people in relationships to use material possessions as a display of their status. So, someone might purchase an expensive engagement ring for their partner to show them and the world that they’re wealthy or sit high socially, which they think makes them look good.
15. It can be linked to the need for validation.
It might feel good for someone to purchase a lavish ring for their partner—when their partner’s eyes light up and they seem so happy, they’ll feel more validated, and their self-confidence will elevate. However, these emotions have nothing to do with genuine love and commitment. If all people care about is gaining approval from material possessions, this conflicts with the idea of having a strong bond that lays the foundation for a healthy marriage.
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