We all know at least one person who seems to live just to prove they’re better than everyone else.
They’re not, of course, but they’ll spend every second of the day trying to one-up you so that you feel like crap and they’ve asserted their dominance. While this is frustrating, to say the least, don’t lose your cool and stoop to their level. Instead, deal with the situation like this.
1. Take a step back and assess the situation.
Before reacting, pause and consider the context. Is this person habitually competitive or just having an off day? Sometimes, people one-up unintentionally. By taking a moment to assess, Web MD explains, you can respond more thoughtfully rather than getting caught up in the moment’s heat.
2. Respond with a bit of humor.
A lighthearted response can defuse tension and even turn the situation into a joke. When someone tries to outdo your story, you could playfully say, “Wow, you win! I officially surrender the one-upmanship crown to you!” This shows you’re not taking it too seriously and can even make the other person laugh.
3. Validate their experience.
Sometimes, people one-up because they’re seeking validation. Acknowledging their accomplishment doesn’t mean you’re conceding defeat. You could say, “That sounds amazing! I’m genuinely happy for you.” This shows you’re supportive while still maintaining your own space.
4. Change the subject.
If the one-upping becomes excessive or uncomfortable, steer the conversation in a different direction. You could ask them a question about something unrelated or bring up a new topic altogether. This subtle shift can break the cycle and prevent further one-upping attempts.
5. Set boundaries.
In some cases, assertiveness is necessary. If the person’s behavior is consistently bothering you, politely but firmly let them know how you feel. You could say, “I appreciate your enthusiasm, but I’m not comfortable with this constant comparison.” This establishes your boundaries and lets them know their actions have consequences.
6. Redirect the focus.
Instead of engaging in the one-upping game, you can shift the focus back to your own story. When they try to top your experience, you could say, “That’s interesting, but let me finish telling you about what happened to me…” This subtly asserts your own narrative and doesn’t allow them to derail it.
7. Embrace your own achievements.
Don’t downplay your own accomplishments just because someone else tries to outdo them. Own your successes and be proud of what you’ve achieved. When someone tries to one-up you, you could respond with confidence, “Yes, that was a great experience, and I’m really proud of it.” This shows you value your own achievements and won’t let anyone diminish them.
8. Practice empathy.
Try to understand why the person feels the need to one-up people all the time. It could stem from insecurity, a desire for attention, or other underlying issues. By recognizing their motivations, you can respond with more compassion and less annoyance. Remember, sometimes people’s behavior isn’t a reflection of you, but rather a projection of their own struggles.
9. Use it as an opportunity for self-reflection.
Instead of feeling discouraged, use the situation to reflect on your own values and priorities. Are you genuinely bothered by the one-upping or is it triggering a deeper insecurity? If so, what can you do to build your self-esteem and confidence? Remember, your worth isn’t determined by how you compare to other people.
10. Focus on gratitude.
Shifting your attention to what you’re grateful for can help you reframe your perspective. Instead of dwelling on the one-upping, think about the positive aspects of your life – your achievements, relationships, health, etc. This can help you feel more content and less bothered by the other person’s behavior.
11. Choose your battles.
Not every instance of one-upping warrants a reaction. Sometimes, it’s better to simply let it go and move on. If the person’s behavior isn’t causing you significant distress, consider whether it’s worth engaging. Remember, you don’t have to win every argument or prove yourself to everyone.
12. Focus on your own happiness.
Don’t let someone else’s competitive nature dictate your mood or well-being. Focus on the things that bring you joy and fulfillment. Engage in activities you love, spend time with people who uplift you, and pursue your own goals. Remember, your happiness is your responsibility, not theirs.
13. Take a break from the relationship.
If the one-upping behavior becomes overwhelming, create some distance from the person. This doesn’t have to be a permanent solution, but taking a temporary break can give you space to recharge and re-evaluate the relationship. Sometimes, a little distance can help you see things more clearly and determine how you want to proceed, Verywell Mind notes.
14. Talk to people you trust.
Talk to a friend, family member, or therapist about how you’re feeling. Sharing your experiences with someone you trust can provide valuable support and perspective. They can offer advice, empathy, and encouragement, helping you navigate the situation more effectively.
15. Forgive and move on.
Holding on to resentment will only hurt you in the long run. Try to forgive the person for their behavior, even if you don’t condone it. This doesn’t mean you have to excuse their actions or continue tolerating them, but it does mean releasing the negative energy they’ve created. By forgiving, you’re freeing yourself from their grip and creating space for positivity in your own life.
