Ready to unlock the secrets of looking self-assured? Well, you’re in luck because we’re about to dive into the world of body language blunders that might be sabotaging your cool factor without you even realizing it.
1. Stop slouching
This posture is about as confidence-inspiring as a deflated balloon at a birthday party. But here’s the fix: Stand tall, shoulders back, chest out. Imagine there’s a string pulling you up from the crown of your head. You’re not just standing; you’re making a grand entrance, darling! Your posture should say, “I’m here, I’m fabulous, and I’ve got this!” even if inside you’re thinking, “Is that spinach in my teeth?”
2. Quit fidgeting
Playing with your hair, fiddling with your clothes, tapping your fingers. It’s like your hands are hosting their own private rave, and anxiety is the guest of honor. What to do instead? Give those hands a job! Clasping them lightly in front of you or by your sides can work wonders. Or, if you’re sitting, rest them on the table or arms of your chair. The goal is to look as calm and collected.
3. No more darting your eyes around
This move says, “I’m looking for the nearest exit, or possibly a hole to crawl into.” Try to maintain comfortable eye contact. Notice I said comfortable, not “stare-them-down-like-you’re-in-a-wild-west-showdown.” Aim for that sweet spot of engaged but not creepy. Look at the person you’re talking to, but feel free to break eye contact naturally every now and then.
4. Stop closing yourself off
Crossing your arms tightly across your chest? While you might think you look tough and cool, in reality, you look unapproachable. Time to open up! Keep your arms relaxed at your sides or use open gestures when speaking. If you need something to do with your hands, try holding a coffee cup or a notebook.
5. No more nodding nervously
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Are you nodding along to everything being said like a bobblehead? While you might think you’re coming across as agreeable, excessive nodding can make you look insecure or overeager to please. So, slow down there. Nod thoughtfully and sparingly to show you’re engaged. Mix it up with other listening cues like leaning in slightly or using verbal affirmations.
6. Be better about minding your space
On one end, we have the person who stands so close they could count your eyelashes. On the other, we have someone practically plastered against the wall. Both scream insecurity. What to do? Find the Goldilocks zone—not too close, not too far. A good rule of thumb is to stand about an arm’s length away from the person you’re talking to. This shows you’re engaged but respectful of personal space.
7. Remove those hands from your pocket
This stance practically shouts, “I don’t know what to do with my hands, so I’m going to hide them!” Free those hands from their denim (or polyester) prison! Keep them visible and relaxed. Use natural gestures when speaking to emphasize your points. Remember, your hands are tools for expression.
8. Add in some movement
Barely moving a muscle? You might think you look calm and composed, but in reality, you look like a deer in headlights. Allow for some natural movement. Shift your weight occasionally, use hand gestures when speaking, nod in agreement. The key is to look comfortable in your own skin.
9. Keep your voice steady
Uncontrolled pitch changes can betray your nerves fast. Here’s what to do: Take a deep breath and find your natural speaking voice. Practice speaking from your diaphragm, not your throat. Aim for a steady, measured tone. You’re going for “confident conversationalist,” not “pubescent teenager.”
10. Don’t tuck your chin
While you might think you look deep in thought, you actually appear more like you’re bracing for impact or trying to hide. So, put your chin up! Practice keeping your chin parallel to the ground. Imagine there’s a string attached to the top of your head, gently pulling you upward. This opens up your face and neck, making you appear more confident and approachable.
11. Stop apologizing
Peppering your speech with constant apologies, even for things that aren’t your fault screams “I’m not worthy!” Time for a sorry detox! Save your apologies for when you’ve actually done something wrong. Instead of “Sorry to bother you,” try “Thank you for your time.” Replace “Sorry, I have a question” with “I have a question.”
12. Stop creating barriers between you and other
Using your coffee cup like a tiny fortress or clutching your laptop like it’s a life raft? You’re sending “stay away” vibes. Be mindful of how you’re holding objects. If you’re in a meeting, place your notebook on the table instead of hugging it to your chest. Hold your coffee cup to the side rather than directly in front of you. The goal is to appear open and approachable.
13. No more nail-biting
Do you find yourself chewing on pens, your nails, or anything else within reach when you’re thinking or nervous? Keep those chompers to yourself! If you need something to do with your mouth, try taking a sip of water instead. For your hands, hold a stress ball or fidget toy if you really need to keep them busy. (Also, if you needed more reasons not to bite, according to UCLA Health it’s not good for you physically.)
14. Resist the urge to check your phone
This behavior makes you look disengaged, anxious, and like you’d rather be anywhere else. Your fix? Out of sight, out of mind. Keep your phone in your pocket or bag, and resist the urge to check it unless absolutely necessary. If you’re waiting for an important call, let others know in advance. (If you need more phone-resisting tips, here are some good ones according to CNBC.)
15. Stop doing weird things with your arms
Your arms are not alien attachments, so don’t treat them like they are! Allow them to move naturally as you speak. When standing still, let them hang comfortably at your sides or lightly clasp your hands in front of you. If sitting, rest them on the arms of your chair or lightly on the table. The key is to look relaxed and natural, not like you’re posing for a “How to Stand Like a Human” instructional poster.
