We all know that friend, family member, or colleague who’s all sunshine and rainbows when they need something, but suddenly disappears when you need them. These wishy-washy friends can be frustrating and emotionally draining. But don’t worry, I’ve got your back! Here are 15 ways to handle those people who only seem to like you when it’s convenient for them.
1. Recognize the pattern
First things first, you need to spot the pattern. Does this person only reach out when they need a favor? Do they mysteriously vanish when you’re going through a tough time? Once you identify this behavior, it becomes much easier to deal with.
2. Set clear boundaries
Boundaries are your new best friend. Let this person know what you’re comfortable with and what you’re not. It’s okay to say, “I’m happy to help, but I need some notice next time.” Remember, you’re a person with your own needs and limits—not their personal assistant.
3. Don’t drop everything for them
When they come calling with their latest crisis, resist the urge to drop everything. You don’t have to be rude, but you also don’t have to rearrange your entire life for someone who wouldn’t do the same for you. It’s all about balance, right?
4. Keep your expectations realistic
Lower your expectations—not in a sad way, of course, but in a realistic way. Understand that this person might not be capable of being the friend you want them to be. Sometimes you have different friends for different reasons and that’s okay.
5. Focus on the friends who are always there
Instead of pouring energy into this hot-and-cold relationship, focus on the people who are consistently there for you. These are your ride-or-die friends, the ones who deserve your time and energy. Nurture these relationships—they’re the real deal!
6. Be honest about how you feel
Sometimes, you just need to lay it out there. Tell this person how their behavior makes you feel! They might not even realize what they’re doing. Who knows, an honest conversation could be the wake-up call they need.
7. Don’t take it personally
Here’s a tough pill to swallow: their behavior probably isn’t about you at all. It’s about them and their issues. Understanding this can help you detach emotionally and not take their actions to heart. It’s not you, it’s them..and according to Psychology Today, it’s not your problem.
8. Learn to say no
“No” is a complete sentence, and it’s time you started using it more often. When this person comes around asking for favors, it’s okay to decline if you’re not up for it. You don’t need to explain yourself or make excuses. A simple “Sorry, I can’t” works wonders.
9. Don’t go out of your way for them
Remember all those times you bent over backward to help them? Yeah, it’s time to stop that. Be kind, but don’t inconvenience yourself for someone who clearly only cares about themselves. It’s about self-respect.
10. Keep the relationship superficial
If you can’t cut this person out completely (maybe they’re a coworker or family member), keep things light and superficial. Small talk and pleasantries are fine, but avoid getting into deep, personal territory. Think of it as an emotional shield, you must protect yourself at all costs.
11. Focus on self-improvement
Instead of obsessing over this person’s behavior, channel that energy into self-improvement. Take up a new hobby, learn a skill, or work on your personal goals. Not only will this distract you, but it’ll also make you less available for their convenience. Win-win!
12. Call them out (politely) when they do it
Next time they pop up out of the blue asking for a favor, try saying something like, “Oh, I haven’t heard from you in a while. Is everything okay?” This gentle callout might make them realize their behavior pattern. Sometimes, a little awareness goes a long way.
13. Keep a sense of humor
Let’s face it, some people’s behavior can be almost comically predictable. Try to see the funny side of it. Maybe even make a bingo card of their typical moves. Laughter is a great coping mechanism, and it keeps you from getting too upset about their mostly harmless antics.
14. Don’t rely on them for emotional support
When you’re going through a tough time, reach out to your reliable friends instead. This fair-weather friend has shown they can’t be counted on, so don’t set yourself up for disappointment.
15. Know when to walk away
According to Psychology Today, sometimes, the healthiest thing you can do is to walk away from the one-sided entirely. If their behavior is consistently hurting you and they show no signs of changing, it’s okay to say goodbye. Remember, you deserve friends who value you all the time, not just when it’s convenient for them.
