We’ve all been there—trying to sweep our partner off their feet with grand gestures and heartfelt surprises. But what if I told you that some of these supposedly romantic acts might actually be causing your significant other more stress than swooning? We’re about to explore 15 things you might think are romantic but could be secretly causing your partner anxiety.
1. Surprise public proposals
You’ve seen it in movies—the grand public proposal with flash mobs, skywriters, or jumbotron messages. While it looks amazing on screen, in real life, it can be incredibly stressful. It puts an immense pressure on the person being asked. They might feel forced to say yes to avoid embarrassment, even if they’re not ready. Plus, not everyone enjoys being the center of attention, especially during such an intimate moment.
2. Unexpected grand gestures
Showing up at their casual family dinner with a giant teddy bear and a brass band sounds cue. But it can often backfire. These gestures can be embarrassing, especially if you haven’t met their family. They can also disrupt your partner’s day and put them on the spot. Opt for smaller, more personal gestures that show you’ve been paying attention to their likes and needs.
3. Surprise vacations
Whisking your partner away on a surprise trip? Like a dream come true! But it can actually be quite anxiety-inducing. People have work commitments, pet care arrangements, or other responsibilities that need planning. A surprise trip can throw all of this into chaos. So unless you’ve already taken care of every single detail, involve them with planning.
4. Oversharing on social media
Constantly posting about your relationship on social media might seem like the perfect way to show off your love, but it can be stressful for your partner. You’re putting their private life on display and that creates unnecessary pressure to maintain a perfect image online.
5. Surprise introductions to family
Unexpectedly introducing your partner to your family can feel like a way to show you’re serious, but it can be incredibly stressful. Meeting family is a big step! And many people like to prepare for it, surprise introductions can feel like an ambush. Discuss meeting family beforehand and give your partner time to mentally prepare.
6. Surprise tattoos
Getting your partner’s name or a symbol of your love tattooed as a surprise can be more stressful than sweet. What if your partner isn’t ready for a permanent display of commitment? If you want to get tatted, you really should discuss it with them first.
7. Overly elaborate dates
Planning a date night that involves multiple locations, activities, and outfit changes means you’re thoughtful, right? Wrong. It can be overwhelming and it puts pressure on your partner to be “on” all night. Try to keep it simple, after all, quality time doesn’t always have to mean extravagance.
8. Over-the-top gifts
Extravagant gifts like expensive jewelry or high-tech gadgets are flashy and impressive, sure. But they’re also kind of stressful. Why? Your partner might feel pressure to reciprocate with equally expensive gifts. It’s better to focus on thoughtful, personalized gifts that show you understand and appreciate your partner’s interests and needs.
9. Constant compliments
Showering your partner with non-stop compliments might seem like you’re showering them in affection. But in reality, they may feel like they’re drowning. Excessive compliments can sometimes feel insincere and suffocating. One heartfelt compliment is better than a million generic compliments.
10. Surprise makeovers
Surprising your partner with a new wardrobe or a makeover feels right out of a movie! But this is real life, and in real life—that is stressful. Not only can it make your partner feel like you’re not happy with their current appearance, but it also takes away their agency in their personal style choices. If you want to treat your partner to new clothes or a spa day, involve them.
11. Unexpected home makeovers
Speaking of makeovers, you shouldn’t give your home a facelift without your partner knowing first. Homes are our personal spaces, and unexpected changes can feel like a violation of that space. Your partner might also feel awkward if they don’t like the changes.
12. Surprise pet adoption
But puppies are so cute! We know, they are. But ambushing your partner with a furry friend is a huge responsibility to put on someone. Pets are a long-term commitment that affects lifestyle, finances, and daily routines. It’s a decision that should be made together.
13. Over-the-top Valentine’s Day plans
Going all out on Valentine’s Day with expensive dinners, lavish gifts, and elaborate plans is what everyone wants! Turns out, not always. This can actually be super stressful and it honestly feels a little commercialized and inauthentic. Focus on what you both enjoy, instead.
14. Overplanning date nights
Planning is great! But micromanaging every aspect of date night? That’s stressful. It doesn’t allow for spontaneity and can feel more like a scheduled event than a relaxed evening together. It also puts pressure on everything to go perfectly according to plan. Instead, have a general idea for the date, but leave room for flexibility and spontaneous decisions.
15. Extravagant romantic gestures at work
Sending giant bouquets or singing telegrams to your partner’s workplace is not the move. It can make your partner feel uncomfortable in front of colleagues and potentially impact their professional image. Keep work and romance separate unless you know your partner would appreciate this kind of thing.
