It’s easy to fall for the potential we see in someone, especially when we’re wearing rose-colored glasses. But here’s the thing: loving someone’s potential instead of who they really are can lead to disappointment and heartache. So, let’s talk about the 15 signs you might be more in love with someone’s potential than their actual self.
1. You’re always saying “If only…”
Do you find yourself thinking, “If only they’d change this one thing, they’d be perfect”? This is a classic sign that you’re in love with potential, not reality. Real love is accepting a person as they are, flaws and all. If you’re constantly wishing for changes, you might be in love with an idealized version of your partner.
2. You’re more excited about their future than their present
Sure, it’s great to be supportive of your partner’s goals. But if you’re more thrilled about what they might become than who they are right now, that’s a red flag. Are you dating them or their future resume? Remember, the present is real, the future is just a possibility.
3. You make excuses for their behavior
We all have moments of weakness, but if you’re constantly justifying your partner’s negative actions, you might be in love with their potential to be better. “They’re just stressed,” or “They didn’t mean it” shouldn’t be your constant words. Love definitely sees flaws but doesn’t need to constantly excuse them.
4. You’re always trying to “fix” them
Your partner isn’t a home improvement project. If you’re constantly trying to change them or “help” them become better, you’re probably more in love with who you think they could be than who they actually are. Being in love means supporting growth, not demanding it.
5. You ignore red flags
Those little warning signs? Yeah, they’re important. If you find yourself dismissing red flags because you’re so focused on the person’s potential, it’s time for a reality check. Don’t let the allure of “what could be” blind you from “what is.”
6. You’re more in love with how they make you feel
Do you love them, or do you love how they make you feel about yourself? If your affection is based more on the boost they give your ego than on who they are as a person, you might be in love with their effect on you rather than their true self.
7. You overlook major incompatibilities
Different life goals, conflicting values, or mismatched desires for the future aren’t small things. If you’re brushing these off because you believe love can conquer all, take a pause. You’re more in love with the idea of the relationship than the reality of it.
8. You’re always defending them to friends and family
While it’s normal to stand up for your partner sometimes, if you find yourself constantly having to explain or justify their behavior to loved ones, that’s not a great sign. Your friends and family are seeing the person in front of them, while you’re seeing someone five years from now.
9. You’re afraid of conflict
Do you avoid bringing up issues because you don’t want to “rock the boat?” You might be falling for the idea of a perfect relationship rather than the real, sometimes messy, reality of being with another human being. Healthy relationships can handle conflict.
10. You believe they’re “the one” despite evidence to the contrary
The concept of “the one” can be dangerous if it makes you ignore real compatibility issues. When you cling to this belief despite clear signs that you’re not good for each other, that points to being in love with the idea of them, not who they are now.
11. You’re more excited about milestones than everyday life
While big moments are great, real love is about enjoying the small moments, too. If you’re always looking forward to the next big thing (moving in together, getting engaged, etc.) without enjoying the present, that’s a flag.
12. You believe you can inspire them to change
Ah, the “I can change them” trap (which according to Psychology Today, isn’t possible). If you believe your love will inspire them to become a better person, you’re definitely in love with potential. People change because they want to, not because someone else wants them to.
13. You romanticize their flaws
Sure, that thing they do might seem cute now, but will it still be adorable in five years? If you’re turning real issues into charming quirks, you might be seeing them through potential-tinted glasses.
14. You’re waiting for them to “grow up”
If you’re constantly hoping they’ll mature or become more responsible, you’re not in love with who they are now. People do grow and change, but banking on that is risky. Love the person in front of you, not the adult you hope they’ll become.
15. You believe your love story is “meant to be”
Life isn’t a rom-com, and real relationships take work. If you’re so caught up in the idea of your perfect love story that you’re ignoring real issues, you’re in love with the potential of your relationship, not its reality.
