According to Positive Psychology, How you handle your emotions as an adult is deeply influenced by your childhood experiences. Did your parents help you understand and manage big feelings, or did they dismiss them? Here are some signs that you grew up with parents who fostered good emotional health, and how it impacts your life today.
1. You’re emotionally intelligent yourself.
Emotionally intelligent parents tend to raise emotionally intelligent kids! You learned healthy ways to handle emotions by watching your parents navigate their own feelings. You might not even realize how different you are from those with less emotionally aware upbringings, but those toxic behaviors are glaringly obvious to you.
2. Your Punishments Made Sense.
The word “punishment” wasn’t in my parents’ vocabulary. When I made a mistake, there were consequences that followed. They were always fair and related to the more significant lessons they were trying to teach me and my siblings. I was never punished just for the sake of punishment, and that’s how it should be with emotionally intelligent parenting.
3. Your Arguments End in Healthy Resolution.
You and your parents aren’t robots, so of course, you got into your fair share of arguments. However, emotionally intelligent parents never let those arguments spill over into other areas of life or carry on too long. You always figured it out, came to an understanding, and left negative feelings in the past.
4. You Could Talk to Them About Anything.
Growing up, you realized that many of your friends hid things from their parents. You could never understand why! You now know it was because they feared being judged or getting in trouble. However, your parents had an “open-door” policy, meaning you could talk to or ask them anything (within reason, of course). They never made you feel unintelligent or held anything against you. Your parents genuinely listened to you, which shows how emotionally intelligent they were.
5. They Had Healthy Friendships/Relationships With Other Adults.
According to NPR, as children, we look to the adults in our lives for an example of how to behave. Thankfully, your emotionally intelligent parents gave you multiple great examples of what a healthy and mature friendship with a peer looks like. They valued their friends, and everyone who knew them spoke very highly of them.
6. They Didn’t Pick a Favorite Sibling.
Another sign that your parents were emotionally intelligent was that you never felt insecure or like you were in competition with your siblings. Your parents made it clear that you were all equally important and loved. They didn’t favor or spend more time with any one of them, which ultimately led to a better relationship with your parents and siblings.
7. They Knew When to Cheer You Up.
Emotionally intelligent people have a knack for reading others. Your parents seemed to have this superpower! They always picked up on your moods, even when you were trying to hide them. Sometimes, they could tell what you needed – extra support, a little space, a pep talk – better than you could yourself!
8. They Celebrated You, Not Your Accomplishments.
Believe it or not, there’s a difference between “A+? Great job!” and “I’m so proud of how hard you worked!” When you were fortunate enough to achieve a goal or win an award, your parents would focus on your effort and determination instead of the actual result. This also meant that when you failed, they still kept the focus on you and were proud as long as you did your best. This helped you have a healthy relationship with success and failure.
9. They Gave Great Advice.
When you came to my parents with an issue, they always offered practical advice, and you probably can’t think of an example of when they steered you wrong! Emotionally intelligent parents can see the big picture and often give advice that leaves everyone happy when walking away.
10. Your Friends Would Come to Them With Problems.
If your friends come to your parents when they have a problem, that is a sign that your parents’ emotional intelligence extends beyond just you. Your parents probably made your friends feel just as seen and supported as they did with you and your siblings.
11. They Treated You Like an Individual, Not a Reflection of Themselves.
Sometimes parents tend to treat their children like little clones of themselves. They want their children to be exactly like them and will punish them for anything they deem too different. However, if you had emotionally intelligent parents, they saw you as a person, not just a mix of their genetics.
12. They Apologized When They Were Wrong.
As I said before, we are all human, including parents! Your parents recognized that they could be wrong and apologized when they were. There was no, “Well, I’m the adult! My way or the highway!” Just healthy, emotionally intelligent communication. This taught you that it’s okay to admit when you make mistakes.
13. They Didn’t Hold a Grudge.
When you messed up, your parents didn’t hold it over your head for an extended period. They were mature and emotionally intelligent enough to let it go. They understood that holding a grudge only hurts themselves and others around them.
14. They Always Kept Their Emotions In Check.
Although your childhood home was often filled with loud noises — cheering for a sports team, singing songs in the kitchen, or bursts of laughter — there was one sound that never happened. Your parents never had extreme bursts of yelling or tantrums. No matter how angry they got, they kept their cool and didn’t blow it out of proportion.
15. You Felt SAFE!
Honestly, the best indicator that emotionally intelligent parents raised you is if you felt safe in your own home. Safe to take up space, be yourself, bring friends over, and so much more.
