If you find yourself dealing with a narcissist, it can be challenging. They are hard people to deal with because there’s very little you can say to convince them that they’re in the wrong. That being said, there are some words that should never come out of your mouth when talking to a narcissist. Here are some of those things, along with what you should say instead.
1. “You’re wrong.”
Instead, say something along the lines of, “I see it differently. Can we discuss our differing perspectives?” A narcissist will never accept that they’re wrong simply by telling them. Instead, you should take a more judicial approach and help them see things differently by explaining your perspective in a non-combative way.
2. “You’re so selfish.”
No one wants to hear that they’re selfish, especially narcissists. So, a better approach is to tell them that you feel hurt and like your needs are being overlooked. Ask them if the two of you can find a way for both of you to meet your needs. This way, the narcissist will still get something they want, but they might be more willing to help you with your needs.
3. “Why do you always need to be the center of attention?”
Rather than directly confronting the narcissist like this, say something like,” I appreciate your confidence, but can we also acknowledge other people’s contributions?” Saying this still gives credit to the narcissist for what they’ve done but encourages them to share the credit with the people around them.
4. “You never listen to anyone.”
Telling a narcissist that they never listen to anyone is very confrontational and unlikely to elicit a positive response. So, you should take a different approach by saying, “I would feel more valued if you would take a moment to listen to what I have to say.” Phrasing it this way doesn’t blame them for not listening, but still accomplishes the goal of encouraging them to listen to you.
5. “Stop making everything about you.”
Rather than focusing directly on what the narcissist is doing wrong, instead, you should focus on how you think an adjustment would benefit both of you. So, you can say something like, “I think it would help our relationship if we could focus on both of our needs.”
6. “You’re not as great as you think you are.”
Saying this is only going to create conflict. The goal of what you’re saying shouldn’t be to start an argument. Instead, you should try to have a productive conversation by saying, “I recognize your strengths, but I think we all have areas we can improve.”
7. “You need help.”
Telling a narcissist they need help directly isn’t going to accomplish what you need it to. Instead, it’s better to tell them something that makes getting help their idea. Something like this should work, “Have you ever considered talking to someone who can make this easier for you?”
8. “Everyone thinks you’re difficult.”
Telling a narcissist that everyone thinks they’re difficult is only going to make them defensive. Instead, you should say, “I’ve noticed that some people find it difficult to connect with you. How do you feel about that?” Phrasing it this way encourages self-reflection.
9. “It’s always your fault.”
Saying something is always someone’s fault is intentionally confrontational. It’s not going to accomplish anything productive. Rather than saying that, you should instead saying something like, “I think we both made mistakes here. Can we work together to find a solution?”
10. “You only care about yourself.”
While it’s true that narcissists care about themselves the most, you should never say that directly. Instead, you should cater to the part of them that wants everyone to like them by saying, “I sometimes feel that my feelings aren’t being considered. Can we talk about that?”
11. “You’re just using me.”
If you feel like a narcissist is taking advantage of you, there are some better things to say than, “you’re just using me.” Instead, you can say, “I want to feel like we’re in an equal relationship. How can we change things so both our needs are met?”
12. “You’re a liar.”
No one is going to respond well if you tell them they’re a liar directly, especially a narcissist. So, you should instead try a gentler approach by saying, “I’m a little confused about what you’re saying. Can you clarify that?” This gives the narcissist the opportunity to walk back their lie and come clean with the truth.
13. “Nobody likes you.”
A narcissist isn’t going to believe you if you tell them that no one likes them. So, you should instead phrase what you’re saying around getting people to like you more. Saying something like, “I think we could improve our relationship with others by understanding their perspectives,” could get through to a narcissist.
14. “You’re such a narcissist.”
Telling a narcissist that they’re a narcissist isn’t going to accomplish anything. A non-self-aware narcissist isn’t going to believe you, and a self-aware one won’t want to admit it. So, you should instead say something like, “Sometimes it seems like you only focus on yourself. Can you try to consider my feelings more?”
15. “I can’t stand you.”
It’s easy to tell someone you can’t stand them when you get frustrated, but it isn’t productive. Instead, you should tell them that you need a break before discussing things later. Doing so allows you to cool down and gives the narcissist time to reflect on the conversation.
