Everyone occasionally has thoughts they keep to themselves, but sometimes that hurts you more than it helps you. From minor annoyances to the heavy conversations they’d really rather not have, here are just a few of the things men struggle to say out loud but often wish they could.
1. “I’m scared.”
Young boys learn early on that expressing emotional vulnerability is bad because it makes them less of a man. No one wants to feel like something’s wrong with them, so you listen when someone says that you can’t say something due to your gender. It’s perfectly normal for men to feel scared. Surround yourself with people who would jump to comfort you in those moments.
2. “I love you.”
Stereotypes dictate that men can only say this phrase to their female partners, but it’s important to express love in every relationship. You should be able to say it to your guy friends without feeling anxious. You’ll know you’ve found the best people when they say, “I love you too,” without making your comment feel like a joke.
3. “I don’t actually have a high sex drive.”
Gender roles in male and female romantic relationships encourage men to always feel turned on. Their female partner would ideally be ready to have sex all the time, but neither of those stereotypes is realistic. When more men vocalize their low, average or non-existent sex drives, there will be less shame about not being ready to perform all the time.
4. “I don’t care about going to the gym.”
Gyms are notoriously filled with men. Women even create social media trends about how the dynamic can make things awkward or uncomfortable. Men are supposed to be obsessed with the gym because muscles define their idea of manhood, but that isn’t true for all guys. Not feeling passionate about working out doesn’t take anything away from your identity as a man.
5. “I need someone to protect me.”
Books and movies have portrayed women as damsels in distress for a long time. Men are supposed to be the ones to save and defend them. In reality, guys can feel scared and need protection too. Feeling unsafe doesn’t exclusively happen to people of one gender.
6. “I don’t know how to connect with my emotions.”
After growing up around people who told you to never express emotions, it’s hard to know what you’re feeling at any given point in time. It’s okay to admit that you don’t have much experience of being emotionally in touch with yourself. Therapists help male clients learn how to resolve this issue all the time because it’s a societally influenced struggle for men.
7. “I actually love romantic gestures.”
Women always receive romantic gestures in romance movies. You rarely see the guy getting flowers, quoting their favorite poet or receiving a proposal. If you would love more of that from your current or future partner, vocalizing that desire is the first step toward breaking the stereotype keeping you from the romance of your dreams.
8. “I don’t want to be the financial provider.”
Many people think the man of the house should also pay all the bills. It stems from a long history of women being unable to get jobs, but that time has long since passed. Being solely responsible for your own financial well-being is stressful enough. You shouldn’t have to feel the pressure of carrying a family’s financial future on your shoulders.
9. “I’m not sure what my spiritual beliefs are.
People who tend to live by gender stereotypes often require men to be the spiritual leaders of their households. While some men might enjoy that position in their family, others don’t. Many people don’t even know what they believe, especially if someone used their religion to manipulate them or taught contradictory ideas. Identifying as a guy doesn’t mean you suddenly understand everything about your spirituality.
10. “Some traditionally feminine things make me feel confident.”
Plenty of guys feel their most confident when wearing or doing traditionally feminine things. You might have had this thought if you’ve ever felt most like yourself while wearing a pink shirt or getting your nails trimmed at a salon. No one should make you feel like you have to hide what you enjoy or what makes you feel unstoppable.
11. “I think my partner is a domestic abuser.”
Vocalizing this thought requires a significant amount of trust. The wrong person might assume men are only perpetrators based on gender stereotypes of men overpowering women. In reality, one in seven men has been a domestic abuse victim. Your gender identity should never be something someone uses to prevent you from getting help.
12. “I’m meant to be a dad.”
People encourage women who feel excited about being mothers. Motherhood is an inherently feminine thing to many people, so men aren’t supposed to feel the same level of excitement about becoming dads. You might not say this thought to avoid appearing soft. The best people would hear this comment and celebrate your dreams with you.
13. “I wish someone would ask me out first.”
Sometimes, men say this phrase and people laugh. Those people might believe that men always have to make the first move in a potential relationship, but that’s emotionally exhausting. It’s nice to feel wanted, no matter your gender.
14. “I’d rather be a supporter instead of a leader.”
The idea that men are leaders in their homes also applies to the workplace. It’s one of the reasons why men are in 55% of workplace leadership roles, but that isn’t a good fit for everyone. If your career ambitions don’t involve climbing a corporate ladder, that doesn’t mean you can’t have a fulfilling, exciting job. The best fit will be the one that’s right for your professional ambitions and personality.
15. “Gender roles can hurt guys too.”
Gender roles influence many of the instincts holding men back from saying these phrases. People assume gender roles hurt women, but they can also hurt guys too. Saying that out loud doesn’t mean you’re denying how they hurt anyone else. It expands the conversation to include other perspectives on how gender roles hold people of all identities back from their happiest lives.
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