Maintaining personal relationships with people in life can be hard. When you’re dealing with someone who has narcissistic personality disorder or narcissistic tendencies, it can be even harder. That’s because narcissists usually exhibit traits of selfishness, a lack of empathy or sympathy for people, and a complete disregard for anyone else’s feelings but their own. Many of them feel as though they deserve special treatment and have unrealistic expectations from those around them. When people don’t meet these “needs,” they can become angry and even belligerent. When you make a narcissist angry, don’t be surprised if they do these things.
They get angry — like, really angry.
Narcissists’ anger knows no limits. When they’re enraged, they can experience behavior that is borderline abusive and even scary. When they’re so keyed up, they may not even recall or remember the things that they have done in these moments of anger. However, they do like scaring you. They don’t want you to think it’s okay to combat them or challenge them, so they hope putting you in your place will keep you from doing so ever again.
They use your words against you.
When you’re in an argument or a fight with a narcissist, they’ll use anything against you to “win.” This means twisting your words, repeating things you have said, and trying to put you on the spot, Choosing Therapy explains. Screenshots and receipts are one thing narcissists love to use.
Gaslighting is their favorite tactic.
Narcissists love to gaslight anyone they are arguing with, especially because it serves as a way for them to manipulate and have psychological control over people. They’ll say things that aren’t true, just to make you start questioning your own judgment and perceptions. They’ll even flat-out deny things you know they said/did/have happened. No matter how mentally strong you are, it can start to wear anyone down in the end.
They refuse to admit they’re wrong.
A narcissist will never admit that they have done anything to hurt you or harm you. They’re incapable of taking accountability for their actions, and will go to great lengths to avoid having to do so. No matter how clear you make it that they’ve hurt or upset you, they’ll brush it off or make it seem like it’s your problem, not theirs.
They invalidate your emotions.
No matter how hurt, upset, angry, or betrayed you feel, a narcissist will tell you that you’re overreacting, being “too sensitive,” or just being unreasonable. If you feel bad about a situation, they will tell you to “buck up” and get over it. If you explain that they’ve made you upset, they will find a way to make sure you know it’s wrong to feel that way.
They criticize everything you do.
When a narcissist is angry, they will find something to pick apart about you. Whether it’s the way you parent, the type of friend you are, or how you are in a romantic relationship — you’re the worst person they’ve ever seen do the job.
They talk badly about you to everyone who will listen.
Narcissists love to gossip, especially about people who wrong them. They’ll do anything and everything to tarnish your name and reputation with mutual friends and family. Even if you’re not in the wrong, they’ll still twist the story to make you look like the bad guy.
They try to intimidate you.
When feeling cornered, narcissists use bullying and intimidation tactics to regain control over you, Psychology Today warns. They’ll do so through emotional, physical, or even mental manipulation to try to showcase they’re above you. If you don’t listen, they may even use threats to get you back in line.
They change the subject entirely.
You may bring up something that triggers them or forces them to look inward, but instead of doing so, they completely jump to a new point. Instead of focusing on what you’ve said, narcissists ignore what you said altogether and act as if you’re invisible. Stonewalling and the silent treatment are favorite tactics of narcissists, and it’s infuriating and unfair.
They bring someone else into your fight.
Narcissists can’t bear to lose, so if they feel like they’re starting to be at a disadvantage, they’ll find someone else who will side with them. This is referred to as triangulation, or bringing in a third party to either intimidate or threaten you further.
They play the victim.
Whatever you say or do to them, however reasonable, they’ll exploit and use to showcase they’re the ones who are hurt and alone. No matter how unhinged they act or how angry they get, they’ll then revert to being a hurt little puppy to gain sympathy.
They exploit your personal information.
Narcissists feel as though they are too good to have morals and dignity when they’re up against a wall, so they’ll use your personal information and confidential things you’ve told them against you. Sometimes, they may even put you in a bad position and share this with others, simply to gain control over you.
They project their insecurities onto you.
A narcissist will project every flaw they see in themselves onto you in order to make themselves feel better. This is because they’re incapable of handling or facing the things that are wrong with them. They may pretend you are angry and enraged when they themselves are the ones who are.
They seek revenge.
If a narcissist becomes enraged, they’ll think of the most manipulative way to seek maximum revenge. It doesn’t always happen immediately — it may take weeks or months — but a narcissist doesn’t let things go. They WILL get back at you in due time.
They repeat the cycle.
Many people who have a narcissist in their lives know that their behavior is cyclical. They will be toxic, manipulative, and controlling for a time before inevitably trying to win you back. This is known as hoovering. They end up showering you with love and affection, maybe even material gifts, simply so they can win their victim’s affection back. Don’t fall for it!
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