The term “red flag” is used frequently when discussing relationships and dating. Both guys and girls have the standard red flags that they talk about, and while everyone’s will differ slightly, we can all agree on some fundamental no-nos in a potential partner. However, what about the kinds of people who are walking red flags, but you don’t recognize them? Here are some of the traits to watch out for.
1. People who have two completely different personalities
Nobody wants to be with someone who brings two different sides of themselves to the table. Not only is this confusing, but it’s potentially toxic too. Maybe you’ve just started dating someone and your friends aren’t convinced about them. However, you’re trying to convince them that your new love interest is different when they’re with you, and maybe they are. However, this inconsistency can only spell disaster in the future.
2. People who tell you to be quiet a lot
You don’t mind when the person you’re dating playfully tells you to shut up occasionally, but lately, you’ve found that they’re doing it a lot — and it’s getting pretty condescending. Maybe they do it when you say something they don’t like or approve of, or when they think they’re right. Either way, people who try to drown out your voice shouldn’t be in your life.
3. People who punish you for your wrongs
In a healthy relationship, there’s nothing wrong with gently confronting the other person about something that they didn’t like or found hurtful. Perhaps you made a mistake, and they want to talk about it. However, this is different from the person you’re dating making you feel like the world’s worst person for something you’ve done wrong — or something they think you’ve done wrong.
4. People who don’t really listen to you
You’re pretty confident that the person you’re dating is attentive and meets your needs, but maybe they don’t. On the first date, they paid you the right amount of attention, but now they veer off course subtly. They might interrupt you when you’re talking or look at their phone distractedly. They’re clearly not engaged, and it’s extremely upsetting.
5. People who are jealous of your success
You don’t need someone who will pour their entire life into your goals and achievements, but you want them to be your biggest cheerleader, Bustle points out. Maybe the person you’re seeing has shown signs of being slightly jealous when you do well. It’s not enough to put you off, but you’re wondering why they can’t just be happy for you.
6. People who make jokes at your expense
Teasing is one thing, but bringing you down through thinly veiled banter isn’t something that you should readily accept when you’re in a relationship with someone. Perhaps you’re just starting out with them, and you realize that the back and forth you had on the first date isn’t as innocent as you thought. This red flag could spell trouble later on.
7. People who have an ex who warns you about them
If you’ve just gotten into a relationship with someone and their ex has reached out to you to smear them, it’s understandable if you’re skeptical. While not all exes are out for revenge, some will be, so you must rule this out. On the other hand, it could be worth taking on board what they shared with you because if they broke up with the person you’re currently dating, there might be a good reason.
8. People who go overboard initially
One of the best phases in any relationship is the honeymoon period, when you have stars in your eyes for your partner and want to spend all your time with them. However, it’s essential to know the difference between puppy love and love bombing. If your partner is overdoing the kindness, this could signify darker, more controlling things to come.
9. People who never leave you alone
We all want to feel wanted, and knowing that the person you’re in a relationship with (or hope to be!) wants to spend time with you before anyone else is flattering. However, it will get a bit old if they want to spend all their time with you. At some point, you will need your space; if they’re not willing to give it to you, get out while you can.
10. People who complain about your friends
If you’ve had the same group of friends for a long time, they no doubt mean the world to you. They’ve been there for you through the good and the bad and only want what’s best for you. When you get into a relationship, you want and expect your partner to accept your friends and encourage you to spend time with them. If this isn’t the case, you need to take note of this warning sign.
11. People who lie to please you
In a perfect world, our partners would only tell us what we want to hear. This is different from how a relationship works in reality, though. While there might be some things you’d rather your partner didn’t tell you, it’s important because it means they’re being honest with you for the greater good. If you find that the person you’re dating is willing to lie to keep you happy, you’ve got to wonder what else they’re lying about.
12. People who blame their exes for everything
One prominent type of person who’s a walking red flag is someone prepared to gossip and talk negatively about others. If they’re willing to do this about others, what’s stopping them from talking to other people about you? The biggest red flag here is if they blame their ex for what went wrong. They don’t just smear them; they’re unwilling to take any accountability for the breakdown of their previous relationship.
13. People who two-time you
If the person you’re seeing is still untangling themselves from their previous relationship, it’s best to leave them there. Their indecisiveness could spell disaster further down the line. In fact, it might even indicate that he could even choose to jump ship someday.
14. People who are mean to animals
A common first-date question is whether the person has any pets. What kind of pets they have and how they speak about them can say a lot about how someone might be in a relationship. Call things off if there’s even a hint that they mistreat or even strongly dislike animals, Psychology Today advises.
15. People who never apologize
Everyone makes mistakes, and most have the humility and grace in a relationship to admit when they’re wrong. A healthy relationship can’t function without this from both sides. You don’t want to be with someone (or even be friends with someone) who can’t seem to say sorry.
16. People who spy on you
While you might think you’d never, in a million years, be with someone who sets up cameras in your home, what if their reasoning is that they want them for security? If they’re convincing enough, you might go with it. Don’t get caught in the surveillance trap — it’s a sign that they’re controlling.
17. People who are overly sensitive
Sometimes, a lot of vulnerability in a person is refreshing, especially if you’ve only been with tough people. As the saying goes, though, there is such a thing as too much of a good thing. You don’t want him to be so vulnerable that they get offended at everything and can’t give you the support and protection you deserve.
18. People who think they know everything
Intelligence is a turn-on in both men and women, but it’s cringy when someone acts like they know it all. You won’t be able to debate with them without being reminded they are superior in the brain department.
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