Of the many stereotypes about us guys, one of the most common is that we’re afraid of commitment, according to Psychology Today. Admittedly, this one is probably true more often than not. However, it’s only fair that we get a chance to explain ourselves. There are reasons why men fear commitment, and some of them are actually legitimate and not anything you ladies need to take personally.
1. Past experience
Like it or not, a person’s past relationships can have a negative impact on their current relationship. If a guy has been burned before, he’ll likely be afraid to jump into another serious relationship. For a lot of us, one broken heart is enough to steer us away from anything serious in future. If you’re dating a guy like this, just trying giving him a little time without pressuring him to make a commitment. With the right person, most guys should be able to get past this fear.
2. Fear of rejection
Deep down, a lot of men have a fear of rejection. Guys are almost always worried about taking the plunge in a relationship and getting rejected. For most of us, it takes a while until we’re comfortable taking that leap because once we allow ourselves to get attached, we’re all in. We’re also afraid that the person we choose is going to change her mind and pull the rug from under us. However, if we don’t make a commitment, we can’t get rejected, which is why a lot of men look to avoid serious relationships until they’re 100% sure they won’t be left.
3. Trust issues
Believe it or not, a lot of men have trust issues. This goes hand in hand with their fear of rejection and can also relate to a past relationship. If a guy doesn’t think he can trust you then he’s going to be afraid of committing to you. If it makes you feel better, it probably has nothing to do with you. If a guy has been hurt in the past, he might not trust anyone. Before you can think about getting serious, sometimes you have to build trust in the relationship.
4. Skeletons in his closet
It shouldn’t be a newsflash that guys tend to keep secrets. Along those same lines, guys don’t always show every part of themselves in a relationship. If they get into a committed relationship, guys know it’ll be harder to keep their skeletons firmly in the closet. For many of us, it’s scary to think about all of our secrets coming to the surface. If there’s something we’re not comfortable sharing with anyone, we’ll avoid getting too deep into a relationship.
5. Lack of freedom
Most guys tend to associate serious relationships with a lack of freedom. In a way, it almost feels like moving back in with our parents and not being able to do as we please without having to explain ourselves. I promise this has nothing to do with committing to a specific person, so don’t take this personally. Rather, the feeling that there’s someone keeping tabs on them makes guys resist committing to a relationship.
6. Lack of maturity
This one really isn’t anybody’s fault. People simply mature at different rates and most men tend to be a little behind the curve. If a guy is young, or perhaps young at heart, he’ll know deep down that he isn’t ready for a serious relationship. This will manifest as a fear of commitment. Most guys eventually come around, but young and immature guys are almost always fearful of committed relationships.
7. Not wanting to waste time
I’ll admit this is a little weird, but a lot of guys view failed relationships as a waste of time. We almost need assurance that it’ll last forever before we commit to it. If a relationship lasts two years but eventually ends, we’ll think that we’ve wasted our time with it. This is another common reason why guys are wary of committing to a serious relationship. For most of us, if we’re not 100% sure about something, we’re not going to dive in and take a chance.
8. Fear of monogamy
Yes, in the end, it all comes back to intimacy. Obviously, nobody gets into a serious relationship with the intention of cheating on the other person. That being said, it’s sometimes hard for guys to wrap their heads around only sleeping with one person forever and ever. Even they have a healthy intimate life within a relationship, guys see commitment as the end of their conquests. The thought of giving that up can take time and make a guy fearful of commitment. Sure, that sounds shallow and kind of stupid, but it doesn’t make it any less true.
9. Fear of repeating the same toxic patterns as his parents
If a guy grew up with parents who had a toxic relationship or who ultimately split up, chances are, that’s going to stick with him, according to Choosing Therapy. He’s probably terrified of going down the same path and making the same mistakes, and even though he’s a totally different person in a totally different relationship, that fear still stays with him for a long time to come.
10. Mixed-up priorities
Many of us want to get our so-called ducks in a row before we commit to a woman in a relationship. That might mean accomplishing our big career goals or reaching a certain income, owning our own property, or any number of other arbitrary markers of success we might have. For many guys, focusing 100% on a relationship will take away from our ability to get where we want to go, so we tend to keep things casual instead.
