Expectations are different when you’ve been together with someone for a long time. Gone is the honeymoon period and those naive, hopeful feelings that your partner was a faultless, model better half. The longer you’re in a relationship with someone, the more intentional you have to be to make it work, which applies to both men and women. Let’s look at men’s most common mistakes in a long-term relationship.
1. Not being present enough
One of men’s most common mistakes in a long-term relationship is being there, but not present. For example, you’ve just got home from work and told him about the day you’ve had. He’s nodding and making affirming noises that imply he’s listening, but he’s doing other things simultaneously, like playing the guitar or making himself a drink. You can tell from his body language that while he’s physically present, he’s not listening and being attentive to you.
2. Not focusing on personal growth
One thing that’s important for both partners in a long-term relationship is self-improvement. Everyone changes over time, and if you’re with someone for decades, you end up being with multiple versions of that person. When we change, we either change for better or for worse, The New York Times explains. Perhaps you’ve noticed that your partner has given up on personal growth lately. He’s stopped reading self-help books and listening to relationship podcasts, isn’t open to trying new things, and wants to avoid discussing this topic. If he’s not interested in growth, that can hold you back as a couple.
3. Being late all the time
Everyone has a different sense of time and expectations in a relationship, but most people don’t appreciate it when their partner lets them down by being late. Perhaps you told him that dinner would be ready at 7 p.m., and he said he’d be home by 6:30 p.m. However, he gets home at 7:30 p.m., and the dinner is cold by that time. You’d quickly forgive him, but he’s been doing this for years, slowly causing resentment.
4. Refusing to (or not knowing how to) communicate
The longer you’re in a relationship, the better you need to communicate. Communicating is a skill developed over time, so while you might have needed to improve at communicating initially, it should be something you’ve both mastered by this point in the relationship. However, you find that your partner still needs to improve on this front. For example, he says he’s going out for a drink with his buddies on Friday night. However, he doesn’t tell you where he’s going and what time he plans on coming home, and when you text him while he’s out, he doesn’t reply until the end of the night.
5. Flirting with other women
Being flirty with someone else is a big no-no in any relationship at any stage. It is disrespectful to your partner and implies that you’re not taking the relationship seriously. This is even more so if you’re in a long-term relationship. Every time you meet up with your girlfriends, there are one or two of them that he seems to get along with really well. He also likes to compliment waitresses when you’re out for dinner a little too much.
6. Not remembering important dates
It’s one thing to have occasional memory loss regarding anniversaries and her birthday in the relationship, especially if you’ve only just started dating. Still, there’s hardly an excuse for it if you’ve been together for a long time. Perhaps you told him recently that your anniversary is coming up, and he replied, “I remember, silly, and don’t worry, I’ve got something amazing planned.” However, the day came and went, and nothing happened.
7. Lacking initiative
When you’re in a long-term relationship, there are certain unspoken roles and duties that you perform. For example, you might wash the dishes while your partner puts the rubbish out and mows the lawns. However, there are also opportunities for him to take the initiative and help you out without you expecting it. Perhaps he used to empty the dishwasher or put the clothes in the dryer without you asking, and these small things meant so much.
8. Not introducing their partner
We’ve all made the mistake of completely forgetting to introduce our partner to people they don’t know, but if it happens regularly, this can cause concern. Perhaps your partner neglected to introduce you to his distant relations at the recent family reunion at his parent’s house, and then he did it again when you went to a work event for his new job. You waited patiently for him to introduce you, but eventually pulled him aside and asked him why he wasn’t doing so.
9. Not replying to texts fast enough
Life gets busy, and sometimes, we can’t reply to texts as quickly as we’d like. However, if you are in a long-term relationship and your partner is notoriously bad at this, it might be something for him to think about. It might be when you’re at the grocery store and text him to ask if he wants anything, and he replies when you get in the car. Or, it’s when you want to know what he wants or dinner, and he only replies once you’ve made it.
10. Being selfish with hobbies
Everyone needs an outlet in a relationship separate from their partner to let off some steam, spend time with friends, and recharge. However, a balance is required here, and if your partner isn’t finding that balance, you might feel frustrated. At the beginning of your relationship, he played golf once or twice a month, allowing you plenty of time together. However, this past year, you’ve found him going out to play almost every weekend and complaining when he can’t.
11. Problem-solving but not listening
One thing men are known for doing is problem-solving, when sometimes we want them to listen to our issues. Can you remember the last time you talked to him about how you felt about something? He listened briefly, then tried to solve the problem for you. He said, “Have you tried this? I’m sure you’d find the answer if you did it this way.” Instead, you want him to say, “I’m sorry you’re feeling like that, babe. That really sucks, but I’m so glad you shared it with me, and I completely understand where you’re coming from.”
12. Avoiding hard conversations
Challenging discussions aren’t something we relish in a relationship, but they’re necessary — especially if we want to be honest and open with our partner. If you’re in a long-term relationship, your partner should find these easier than he used to, not harder. Perhaps you want to bring up the golf issue and ask him if he can compromise by playing twice a month like he used to. However, he changes the subject or walks away whenever you try to bring it up.
13. Not making an effort with her family
Does your long-term partner get along with your family? Not every family dynamic is perfect, but if you love your partner, it’s important to make an effort with their family — especially if they are close to them. You find that he did initially, but he’s since distanced himself from them. When you suggest visiting them, he groans and says, “Can you just go? Do I have to be around them for an entire weekend? You know your brother and I don’t get along.”
14. Not being willing to compromise
Compromise is essential in a long-term relationship — if there’s no compromise, there’s no hope of the relationship lasting. Both parties have to be willing to meet in the middle and sometimes go all the way for the other person. Perhaps your partner isn’t willing to compromise on a few things in your relationship. For example, whenever the boys ask him to come out with them, he wants to go, but he’s unwilling to let you do the same.
15. Not dating his partner
One of the best things couples can do when they are in a long-term relationship is keep dating one another. This way, they break up the monotony of day-to-day life and get a chance to remember why they started dating in the first place. Your partner used to surprise you with flowers and reservations to your favorite restaurant, but now when you suggest you go out for dinner, he says he’d rather get take-out and stay home.
Enjoy this piece? Give it a like and follow PsychLove on MSN for more!
