We all know that friendships are a lifeline in adulthood. They provide us with comfort, joy, and a sense of belonging. But just like any relationship, friendships require effort and care to thrive. Unfortunately, many of us fall into destructive habits that can sabotage even the strongest bonds. Let’s take a look at some common pitfalls that can damage friendships, and how we can avoid them.
1. You consistently prioritize your own needs over your friends’.
We all have moments when we need to focus on ourselves, but if this becomes a pattern, it can erode the foundation of any friendship. Always being the one to cancel plans, never checking in when a friend is struggling, or constantly talking about yourself without showing interest in your friends’ lives can leave them feeling neglected and undervalued.
2. You hold grudges and refuse to forgive.
We’re all human, and disagreements are bound to happen. But holding on to resentment and refusing to let go of past hurts can poison a friendship. Forgiveness doesn’t mean condoning the behavior, but it allows you to move forward and rebuild trust. If you find it difficult to forgive, try to see things from your friend’s perspective and understand their motivations.
3. You engage in constant negativity and complaining.
While it’s important to have someone to vent to, being a perpetual downer can be exhausting for those around you. If you’re always focusing on the negative aspects of life, gossiping about people, or complaining about your problems without seeking solutions, it can drain the energy from your friendships. Try to cultivate a more positive outlook and find healthy ways to cope with stress and negativity.
4. You break promises and fail to follow through.
Whether it’s canceling plans at the last minute, not returning calls or messages, or forgetting important dates, consistently failing to keep your word can erode trust and make your friends feel like you don’t value their time. Be mindful of your commitments and make a conscious effort to follow through on what you say you’ll do. If you can’t keep a promise, communicate openly and honestly with your friend.
5. You become overly competitive with your friends.
A little friendly competition can be fun, but when it becomes a constant source of tension and comparison, it can damage friendships, MindBodyGreen notes. If you’re always trying to one-up your friends, belittling their achievements, or feeling envious of their successes, it can create a toxic dynamic. Remember that true friends celebrate each other’s victories and offer support during challenges.
6. You offer unsolicited advice or judgment.
While it’s natural to want to help our friends, constantly offering unsolicited advice or judgment can be suffocating and make them feel like you don’t trust their ability to make their own decisions. Unless your friend specifically asks for your opinion, it’s usually best to listen with empathy and offer support without trying to fix their problems.
7. You neglect to nurture the friendship.
Just like any relationship, friendships require effort and attention to thrive. If you don’t make time for your friends, show appreciation for them, or actively participate in the friendship, it can slowly wither away. Make an effort to stay connected, schedule regular get-togethers, and show your friends how much you care.
8. You fail to communicate openly and honestly.
Communication is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. If you’re not willing to share your thoughts and feelings, express your needs, or address conflicts directly, it can lead to misunderstandings and resentment. Make an effort to communicate openly and honestly with your friends, even when it’s difficult. Remember that healthy communication involves both speaking your truth and actively listening to your friends’ perspectives.
9. You gossip about your friends behind their backs.
We all enjoy a bit of juicy gossip now and then, but if you’re constantly talking about your friends’ personal lives behind their backs, it’s a major red flag. It not only betrays their trust, but it also creates an atmosphere of suspicion and insecurity. If you have concerns about a friend’s behavior, it’s better to address them directly rather than spreading rumors or negativity.
10. You compare your friendships to other people’s.
In the age of social media, it’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing our friendships to those we see online. But remember, what people choose to share on social media is often a curated highlight reel, not a true reflection of their everyday lives. Each friendship is unique and has its own strengths and weaknesses. Focus on appreciating what you have with your friends, rather than comparing it to anyone else’s.
11. You avoid taking responsibility for your actions.
If you make a mistake, hurt a friend’s feelings, or contribute to a conflict, be willing to own up to it. Avoiding responsibility, making excuses, or blaming other people for your actions can damage your reputation and erode trust. Instead, acknowledge your role in the situation, apologize sincerely, and make amends where possible. Taking responsibility shows maturity and demonstrates your commitment to the friendship.
12. You neglect to celebrate your friends’ successes.
True friends are genuinely happy for each other’s achievements, big or small. If you’re always downplaying your friends’ successes, feeling envious of their accomplishments, or failing to acknowledge their efforts, it can create resentment and distance. Make an effort to celebrate your friends’ wins, offer words of encouragement, and show genuine enthusiasm for their happiness.
13. You take advantage of your friends’ generosity.
Whether it’s always borrowing money without repaying it, expecting favors without reciprocating, or taking your friends’ kindness for granted, taking advantage of their generosity can breed resentment and strain the friendship, the Cleveland Clinic explains. Be mindful of your friends’ boundaries and make sure you’re not always on the receiving end. Offer your own support and reciprocate their kindness whenever possible.
14. You try to change your friends to fit your own ideals.
We all have different personalities, values, and interests, and that’s what makes friendships so enriching. If you’re constantly trying to mold your friends into someone they’re not, criticizing their choices, or pressuring them to conform to your expectations, it can create tension and resentment. Accept your friends for who they are, even if they don’t always align with your own ideals.
15. You fail to show appreciation for your friends.
Everyone wants to feel valued and appreciated, and friendships are no exception. If you take your friends for granted, rarely express gratitude for their presence in your life, or fail to acknowledge their contributions to the friendship, it can leave them feeling unappreciated and undervalued. Make a conscious effort to show your friends how much you care, whether it’s through simple acts of kindness, words of affirmation, or thoughtful gestures.
