We all love our friends, but sometimes, those friendships can become a little… unbalanced. Maybe you feel like you’re always the one giving, or you constantly worry about your friend’s problems more than your own. Sound familiar? If so, you might be in a codependent friendship. Don’t worry, though, we’re here to help you figure it out and break free.
1. You feel responsible for your friend’s happiness.
It’s natural to want your friends to be happy, but in a codependent friendship, this goes beyond the norm. You might feel like their happiness is entirely your responsibility, and if they’re not doing well, it’s somehow your fault. You might even neglect your own needs to make sure they’re okay, Talkspace notes.
2. You struggle to say “no.”
Do you find it almost impossible to turn down your friend’s requests, even when they’re inconvenient or unreasonable? This could be another sign of codependency. Maybe you’re afraid of upsetting them or causing conflict, so you always agree, even if it means sacrificing your own time or energy.
3. Your self-worth is tied to your friendship.
In a healthy friendship, you value your friend, but your self-worth isn’t dependent on them. In a codependent friendship, you might feel like you’re only valuable if your friend needs you or approves of you. This can lead to a constant need for validation and a fear of losing the friendship.
4. You feel guilty when you prioritize yourself.
Everyone needs time for themselves, but in a codependent friendship, you might feel immense guilt whenever you prioritize your own needs. You might feel like you’re being selfish or neglecting your friend if you’re not always available to them.
5. You make excuses for your friend’s behavior.
Does your friend often behave in ways that are hurtful or irresponsible? If you find yourself constantly making excuses for them, or minimizing their problematic behavior, it might be a sign of codependency. You might be so invested in the friendship that you’re willing to overlook their flaws and accept their excuses.
6. You’re always the one giving.
Healthy friendships involve a give-and-take dynamic. In a codependent friendship, however, you might find that you’re always the one giving support, advice, or resources. You might feel like your friend never reciprocates, but you continue giving anyway because you fear losing the friendship.
7. You fear being abandoned.
The thought of your friend leaving or rejecting you might fill you with terror. This fear of abandonment can be a major sign of codependency. You might go to great lengths to avoid conflict or keep your friend happy, even if it means sacrificing your own needs or boundaries.
8. You lose yourself in the friendship.
In a codependent friendship, you might find that you’ve lost sight of your own interests, hobbies, and goals. You might become so focused on your friend’s life that you neglect your own, or you might change yourself to better fit their preferences and expectations.
9. You feel drained after spending time with your friend.
Healthy friendships should leave you feeling energized and uplifted. In a codependent friendship, however, you might feel emotionally exhausted after spending time with your friend. As Psych Central explains, this is because you’re constantly giving them your energy and attention, leaving little for yourself.
10. You avoid conflict at all costs.
Disagreements and conflicts are a normal part of any relationship. But in a codependent friendship, you might go to great lengths to avoid any kind of conflict, even if it means bottling up your own feelings or tolerating unacceptable behavior. This is often because you’re afraid of upsetting your friend or damaging the relationship.
11. You neglect other relationships.
When you’re in a codependent friendship, it can be easy to neglect other important relationships in your life. You might spend all your time and energy on your friend, leaving little for your family, romantic partner, or other friends. This can lead to feelings of isolation and resentment in the long run.
12. You struggle to make decisions without your friend’s input.
In a healthy friendship, you trust your own judgment and can make decisions independently. In a codependent friendship, however, you might feel like you need your friend’s approval or guidance for every little thing. This can stem from a lack of confidence in your own abilities or a fear of making the wrong choice.
13. You feel jealous of your friend’s other relationships.
If your friend spends time with other people or develops new relationships, it might trigger feelings of jealousy or insecurity in you. This is because you fear losing your friend’s attention or being replaced. These feelings of jealousy can be a major sign of codependency.
14. You feel trapped in the friendship.
Deep down, you might realize that the friendship isn’t healthy, but you feel unable to break free. You might feel trapped by your own fear of abandonment, guilt, or loyalty to your friend. If you’re feeling this way, it’s important to remember that you have the right to prioritize your own well-being and create healthy boundaries.
