Have you ever been in a season in your relationship when you think it might be time to call it quits? Closing a significant chapter in your life is always challenging, especially if you feel conflicted. Before you leave, though, it’s important to communicate everything you’re feeling with your partner. Certain questions must be explored before deciding to part ways for good, both of yourself and your partner.
1. How do you think our communication has changed over time?
Communication is key in any relationship, and the longer you’ve been in one, the more intentional you need to be about sharing your feelings with your significant other. Studies indicate that communication is the cornerstone of resolving conflict in a relationship. Talk to your partner about how they think your communication has changed and what you could do differently.
2. Do you feel comfortable expressing how you feel to me?
How comfortable somebody is in a relationship is a great indicator of its staying power. It’s easy to be comfortable in the beginning when you’re still in the honeymoon phase, but as time goes on, the real test is whether your partner still feels that same level of comfortability. Ask your partner if they still feel like they can share their feelings with you.
3. Is there anything unresolved between us?
Resentment breeds resentment and can drive a wedge between even the most well-meaning couples. If your partner doesn’t feel like they can share everything with you, something might be unresolved that’s driving you apart. Before ending the relationship for good, it’s important to establish if there’s anything left unsaid between you and your partner—you never know; the result might be a quick fix.
4. What do you need from me that you aren’t getting?
There are many reasons someone might start to stray from a relationship, including feeling neglected. One study indicates that one plausible explanation for someone cheating in a relationship is that they’re not getting what they need from their partner. While your partner might not have gone this far, it could explain why your relationship is breaking down.
5. What about our relationship makes you happy?
In the business of life, it’s so easy to focus on what we don’t like about our relationship instead of what we do. Sometimes, all that’s needed to stay in a relationship is a reminder of all the things you love about it. Sitting down with your partner and sharing what makes you happy can be a great way to reconcile and decide to stay.
6. How do you feel about intimacy between us?
Intimacy is a tough topic for many people in relationships, especially if there have been issues around it for a long time. While the beginning is often easy and effortless, as time goes on, it can be challenging to be intentional about things like intimacy. While you might not relish having the intimate conversation, it’s important to ask how your partner feels about this—you never know what it could reveal.
7. Do you think that we are ultimately compatible?
Sometimes, important things about a relationship are only revealed through time. Again, when you initially feel chemistry for someone, it’s easy to gloss over certain things, like compatibility. How you feel romantically about your partner might not match up with your level of compatibility. Assessing your level of long-term compatibility is crucial before deciding whether to leave.
8. Do you have any dealbreakers we still need to talk about?
Everyone has dealbreakers in a relationship; these are usually addressed upfront before things go any further. Sometimes, though, someone might not feel they can communicate their dealbreakers, or perhaps they haven’t because they haven’t been an issue until now. Putting everything on the table is healthy at any stage in a relationship, including any dealbreakers you might not have addressed.
9. Do you think we’re headed in the same direction?
People need to feel in sync when in a relationship. There’s nothing wrong with having different hobbies and interests, but to feel compatible, couples also need to know they are headed in the same direction. Perhaps you think you are growing apart in your relationship because you’re headed in different directions.
10. How do you feel about my family?
As the saying goes, when you marry your spouse, you marry their family, too. Getting along with your partner’s family is crucial to sustaining a healthy relationship. Sure, you’re not going to get along with everyone, but putting in that effort shows your partner that you care about their family just as much as they do.
11. Are there conflicts with friends that you’re concerned about?
As important as family is in a relationship, so are friends. Again, you don’t have to get along with everyone your partner is friends with, but they do need to feel supported by you for those friendships. It’s good to ask your partner if there are any conflicts with friends they are concerned about because friends can drive a wedge just as much as family.
12. How do you think other people see our relationship?
As much as we don’t care to admit it, our relationships are influenced by our environment and those around us. While some might care more about how people perceive their relationship than others, it’s an important factor that needs to be discussed before deciding to end things. Often, a partner can place too much importance on outside influences.
13. What are your five-year goals?
It’s important to know that you’re moving in the same direction and that your five-year goals align. Your partner might have a completely different view of the future. It’s okay to have different goals for the future, as long as each of you is prepared to support the other in them.
14. What sacrifices are we both making for our future?
Relationships are all about sacrifice and compromise. However, tensions can rise if there is an imbalance and one person sacrifices more for the relationship than the other. When considering leaving, discussing your future together and what sacrifices are being made is important. There might be an imbalance you need to reset.
15. Have we tried everything to save this relationship?
One of the biggest questions to ask if you’re at a crossroads in your relationship is, “Have you tried everything to save it?” Having a conversation like this allows your partner to open up and offer any ideas or suggestions they might have so that you can work towards reconciliation.
