Some people justify saying certain phrases because they believe in being brutally honest. Acceptable phrases that make you honest include, “I don’t know,” “Here’s what I can do” and “I need more information.” Unfortunately, in an attempt to sound more forthcoming, some people say things that rub others the wrong way. As a result, they wonder why people don’t want to associate with them. If you want to sound friendly and approachable while being upfront, here are some phrases to avoid.
1. “It’s not my fault.”
At work, your boss may accuse you of something your colleague did. Naturally, you’ll use this phrase to defend yourself. Unfortunately, all this communicates to your boss is that you’re unwilling to solve the problem. Problem-solving in the workplace is highly valued because it promotes critical thinking, strategic decision making and teamwork. To demonstrate your willingness to help, say, “Let’s see how we can address this problem.”
2. “That’s a dumb question.”
When you’re smart, you’ll understandably be irritated by questions that appear unintelligent to you. However, calling questions dumb discourages learning. How will someone understand an issue if they don’t get an answer? If you constantly say this to people, they’ll confide in everyone else but you. Instead, say, “That’s an interesting question; let us explore it further.”
3. “Figure it out yourself.”
Imagine a learner asking their driving instructor where the brakes are. In anger, the instructor tells them to figure it out themselves: what do you think will happen next? Nothing good. If someone legitimately doesn’t know how to do something, it won’t take more than five minutes out of your day to give them a run-down. Instead of brushing them off, try to be as informative as possible, or point them in the right direction if you’re not in a position to help. The better phrase to prevent such an outcome would be, “Let me walk you through the steps so you can learn.”
4. “I’m too busy for small talk.”
Some people hate small talk because they fear impending awkward silences or dull openers such as “The weather is fine today.” As a result, they’ll claim to be too busy for small talk to avoid having to engage in it. However, small talk is a great way to connect with people without things getting too heated. There’s a better way of saying you hate small talk (and steer the conversation towards something more interesting and in-depth) without sounding impolite. Instead, say something like, “I’d like us to chat more about what’s on your mind.”
5. “You’re wrong.”
It’s normal for people to have different opinions in life. If you want to convince someone to see things from your perspective, telling them they’re wrong makes you sound smug. What if you’re wrong? Or, what if you’re talking about something that has no right or wrong and is totally down to personal taste? You should challenge their opinions without describing them negatively. You could say, “I see where you’re coming from, but consider this perspective…”
6. “Stop overreacting.”
Have you ever shared your opinion with someone, and they suddenly became triggered? If so, you were likely angered at how they reacted to your words and told them to stop overreacting. Remember, you don’t know what someone is going through for them to act in such a manner. Plus, who are you to decide what counts as an overreaction, anyway? If you want to sound less dismissive, try saying, “Clearly, you feel strongly about this matter. Is it okay if we discuss it further?”
7. “You’re wasting my time.”
No matter how busy you are, it costs you nothing to hear someone out for a few minutes. Telling someone that they’re wasting your time by engaging you on something that’s obviously important enough for them to talk about is extremely rude. Instead, say something like, “I’m a bit slammed at the moment, but what’s up?” If it seems like they need more than a few minutes of your time, ask to check in with them later.
8. “I can’t help you.”
Sure, there are times in life when you legitimately aren’t in a position to help someone, whether because you’re not qualified or you’re simply not in a position to be able to do so. However, in most cases, we claim we “can’t” help people when the reality is that we just don’t want to. Switch this up entirely by asking people what they need. As long as they’re not taking advantage of your kindness, it’d be great to lend them a hand.
9. “You’re bothering me.”
Sometimes, someone will try to talk to you while you’re busy studying or working. If you want them to leave you alone, don’t use this phrase. It will only make the person more hostile towards you. Remember, they may not mean any harm, and you might pick a fight for nothing. To sound friendlier, say, “I have a lot on my plate right now. Is it okay if we discuss this another time?”
10. “You’re not listening.”
Have you ever explained a concept to someone only for them to keep asking you to repeat what you’ve said? As irritating as that can be, don’t accuse them of not listening. You’ll only cause the person to be more defensive by claiming they were listening and you’ll end up going around in circles. It may also be possible that you didn’t communicate properly. In such a case, say, “I think we may have had a slight miscommunication. Do you want me to go over this again?”
11. “It’s not my responsibility.”
Sometimes your boss may ask you to do something that falls outside your scope of responsibilities due to unavoidable circumstances. As a result, you may use this phrase. The problem with the phrase is that it demonstrates unwillingness to help. Of course, you don’t have to help with a task you feel unsuitable for. So, you could say, “I’m not the best person for this task. Why can’t I direct you to someone that can help?”
12. “I don’t care.”
Using this phrase makes you appear dismissive and uncaring. Understandably, some people say this when they hear opinions they don’t care about from others. Despite people having varying perspectives, there’s no reason why you should shut down conversations by saying you don’t care. Otherwise, people will think you’re close-minded. Therefore, you should demonstrate open-mindedness by saying, “I’d like to hear more about your perspective.”
13. “That’s not good enough.”
Some people use this phrase to offer constructive feedback, not realizing how harsh they come across. This phrase is discouraging because it fails to give the other person some credit. Also, it doesn’t offer solutions on how one can improve. Therefore, you want to give feedback to someone without sounding like a hater. So, the best phrase to use would be, “This is good, but I know we can make it better.”
14. “I told you so.”
Some people suffer negative consequences of their actions due to not heeding your warnings. That being the case, you may use this phrase. The problem with the phrase is that it makes you appear boastful. It’s bad enough they’re suffering; why would you want to kick them when they’re down? Therefore, you should sound supportive despite the person ignoring your warnings. A more fitting phrase would be, “It appears things didn’t go as planned, so let’s figure out this thing together.”
15. “You’re being unreasonable.”
We may talk to people to find a solution for a certain problem. The problem is that some may offer a solution that doesn’t make sense to you. Sadly, some people use this phrase, not realizing how confrontational and disrespectful they come across. If someone proposes a silly idea, you can acknowledge it without sounding critical. You could say, “I know we have different viewpoints, but I believe we can meet each other halfway.”
