How you speak impacts how others perceive you, even if you feel capable inside. Nuances matter! Unintentional word choices can telegraph insecurity in professional settings and social interactions. The good news is, recognizing these phrases is the first step towards replacing them with language that conveys confidence without arrogance.
1. “Just…”
“I just think…” “Just wondering if…” This downplaying word diminishes the value of your ideas before you even express them. Instead, try: “I believe…” “My perspective is…” This subtle shift signifies you believe your contributions have worth and commands more attention.
2. Excessive apologizing
Saying “sorry” for minor inconveniences or things outside your control reads as insecure. Over-apologizing gives the impression you feel responsible for everything, even when you’re not at fault. Reserve apologies for genuine missteps. Instead of “Sorry I’m late,” try a proactive: “Thanks for your patience!”
3. Hedging statements (“Kind of,” “Sort of”)
“I’m sort of interested in the project…” These vague qualifiers dilute your message, implying uncertainty even if you’re secretly excited. Be decisive! “I’m eager to get involved…” projects self-assurance and shows initiative. Hesitant language signals a lack of conviction.
4. Ending sentences like questions?
Uptalk is that inflection where your voice rises at the end of a statement, making it sound hesitant? It undermines your authority and gives the impression you’re seeking approval rather than making an assertion. Practice a slightly downward inflection, ending sentences with a definitive period, not a floating question mark.
5. Asking permission excessively
“Is it okay if I…?” While seeking input is sometimes wise, constant permission-seeking implies low self-trust. Reframe as confident action with explanation. Instead of “Can I start on this?” try “I’ll get started on this; let me know if you have any specific priorities.” You convey initiative, not passivity.
6. “I don’t know” as a conversation ender
There’s a difference between stubborn know-it-all behavior and admitting ignorance in a way that projects confidence. Instead of bluntly shutting down the conversation, reframe it. Try, “I’m not familiar with that, but I’m happy to look into it,” or “Great question! Let me find out and get back to you.” This demonstrates a willingness to learn, not lack of knowledge.
7. Self-deprecation for laughs
Poking fun at yourself can be disarming, but overdo it, and you seem like you lack self-worth. It’s the difference between lighthearted self-teasing and chronically putting yourself down before others can. Be kind to yourself! If you can’t say it about a friend, don’t say it about yourself, even as a joke.
8. “I’ll try”
“I’ll try to get that done” subtly implies potential failure. Instead, convey commitment! Try “I’m on it.” or “I’ll take care of that.” This decisive language projects confidence and dependability. Of course, only commit to what you can truly deliver on!
9. “I think…” (vs. “I believe…”)
“I think” implies unsure opinion. “I believe” indicates conviction in your perspective. Of course, be open to changing your mind based on new evidence! But starting with “I believe…” conveys confidence in your initial assessment, making others more likely to take your ideas seriously.
10. Couching compliments with “but…”
“You did a great job, but…” That “but” negates the praise, making you seem critical instead of supportive. If offering constructive feedback, separate it from the genuine compliment. “That presentation was strong! One suggestion to make it even better…” allows the positive to land before addressing improvement areas.
11. “Actually…”
Constantly starting sentences with “Actually…” to correct minor details makes you appear more interested in being right than collaborating. Unless the error is truly significant, let small things go. Focus on the bigger picture! This signals you’re secure enough not to feel threatened by others occasionally getting the spotlight.
12. “Never” and “always”
These absolutes often backfire. “You’re always late!” leaves the other person no room for improvement, and is likely an exaggeration. Soften the language: “I’ve noticed a pattern…” or “Lateness puts stress on the team…” This opens a dialogue instead of shutting down the conversation with accusations.
13. “Does that make sense?”
Tagging this onto the end of explanations makes you seem like you’re seeking validation for your own clear thinking. It’s okay to pause, allowing space for others to process instead of nervously asking if they “get it”. Trust your ability to communicate effectively. If clarification is needed, they’ll ask the question.
14. People-pleasing phrases
“Is it okay if…?” “Do you mind if…?”, constantly run through your head because you’re afraid to take up space. It’s okay to have needs and preferences! Instead of framing everything as a tentative request, try: “I’d prefer…” or, “What works best for me is…” This shows healthy boundaries, not aggression.
15. Confusing assertiveness with rudeness
Fear of being bossy holds many back (especially women). But there’s a world of difference between “Do this now!” and “Getting this done quickly is a high priority; can you focus on it next?” Directness doesn’t equal disrespect. Learning to ask for what you need clearly and confidently is a sign of maturity.
16. “Sorry to bother you…”
Starting requests this way implies your needs are an inconvenience. If your request is truly disruptive, acknowledge it differently: “I know you’re busy, but would you have 5 minutes when you’re free?” This shows consideration for their time without diminishing your own importance.
17. Blaming yourself for everything
“This is my fault,” is a knee-jerk reaction when things go wrong. Instead, pause and assess. Were you genuinely fully responsible? Or is it more complex? Taking ownership is admirable; taking ownership for things outside your control undermines your ability to influence positive outcomes.
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