Oh boy, let’s talk about those people who set off your internal alarm bells. They might look perfectly normal on the surface (heck, they might even be downright charming), but something about them just feels…off. Not the obvious liars and cheats—we’re talking about those sneaky types who could sell ice to a penguin. Here’s what these untrustworthy people have in common.
1. They’re Selective Storytellers
These people don’t just bend the truth, they completely contort reality. One minute they’re sharing a work story where they single-handedly saved the company, and the next they’re explaining why all their exes are “crazy.” Funny how they’re always the hero or the victim, right? Never the person who messed up and learned from it. If their life stories sound like they belong on Netflix, there’s probably an unedited version they’re hiding.
2. They Don’t Give Information, They Take It
These people will dig into your life like there’s no tomorrow. What happened with your ex? How much do you make? Why aren’t you talking to your sister? But the moment you turn the spotlight on them? Poof! Suddenly they’re evasive—watch how quickly they’ll spin your simple question about their weekend into an hour-long deep dive into your relationship status.
3. They Have a Very Convenient Memory
Isn’t it fascinating how they can remember exactly what you said during a random conversation three months ago, but completely forget they promised to pay you back last week? Their memory is selective, and they only recall the things that made them look good. They “forgot” about dinner plans when something better came up, but they’ll never forget when you canceled on them that one time in 2019. Oy.
4. They’re Professional Boundary Testers
Think of them as those kids who kept poking the classroom hamster to see what would happen—except now they’re adults poking at your boundaries. They’ll start small: borrowing things without asking, showing up unannounced, and sharing your secrets with “just one person.” If you call them out? Cue the “Why are you so sensitive?” soundtrack.
5. They Dodge Responsibility
When it comes to taking responsibility, these people might as well be professional dodgeball players. Nothing is ever their fault. The dog ate their homework, the traffic was crazy, Mercury was in retrograde, and their phone mysteriously only drops calls when you’re trying to collect on that debt. They’ve got more excuses than a kid who didn’t do their chores, and each one is more creative than the last.
6. They’re Gossip Kings/Queens
These people swear they “hate drama”…right before dropping the latest hot gossip about everyone you know. Whether it’s scandalous or run-of-the-mill, they always have someone else’s story at the ready. And here’s the kicker: if they’re telling you all about everyone else’s private business, guess whose stories are playing on their other channels? Yep, yours.
7. They Support You…With Conditions
Need support? They’ll be there for you—but they’re charging interest. Every favor comes with fine print, and every shoulder to cry on comes with a future invoice. They keep receipts longer than CVS, and they’ll cash them in at the most inconvenient times. “Remember when I helped you move six months ago? Well, I need you to drop everything and drive 3 hours out of your way to help me.”
8. They Change It Up All the Time
Watch how they act differently with different crowds—and not in a normal, reading-the-room way. We’re talking full personality transplants. They’re as quiet as a church mouse with your parents, a party animal with your friends, and something entirely different at work. You never know quite who they are, and you’d be wise not to trust them.
9. They Throw Around Promises
The promises they make are like confetti at a New Year’s party—pretty to look at, but a mess to clean up later. Big plans, huge promises, amazing opportunities… that somehow never quite materialize. They’re always “about to” do something amazing, but their future plans seem more like fiction to you.
10. They’re Crisis Creators
Drama follows them wherever they go. Every week there’s a new emergency, a new disaster, a new reason why they need help RIGHT NOW. And somehow, these crises always seem to pop up when you’ve got something important going on. Coincidence? We beg to differ.
11. They Edit Reality
They don’t just remember things differently—they actively rewrite history like they’re a New York Times bestselling author working on a new novel. “That’s not what happened” becomes their catchphrase, even when you have receipts, screenshots, and three witnesses. They’ll argue with a calendar about what day it is.
12. They’re Emotional Jenga Players
They carefully stack their relationships, pulling and pushing at the emotional blocks to see how much they can get away with before it all falls down. They’re experts at finding that one piece that’ll make everything wobble—and then acting surprised when it all comes crashing down.
13. They’re One-Uppers
Every time you share a struggle, they’ve got one that’s juuuust a bit bigger. Broke your arm? They once broke both arms… and a leg… while saving orphans from a burning building. They synchronize their hardships with yours like they’re competing for who has the worst trauma, and they’re always trying to win.
