Your self-esteem influences the way you see and think of yourself. It plays a role in how you relate with other people, for better or for worse. People who have high self-esteem tend to lead happier and more fulfilling lives, pursue gratifying careers, and forge wholesome relationships with friends, family, and romantic partners, and it’s because they know these 16 things that other people don’t.
1. Our sense of self can fluctuate.
They know that it’s not always possible to feel great about themselves all the time, and that some days, due to stress, mental illness, and other circumstances, they may not think highly of themselves or their abilities, but that’s okay. As Verywell Mind notes, it’s actually pretty normal. They’ll sort out their feelings and get back to being their happy, confident selves again.
2. Respect has to be demanded sometimes.
Some people will walk all over you and treat you rudely if you let them. People with high self-esteem are aware of this, so rather than keeping quiet and taking it like a champ when they’re being mistreated, they’ll call the person out. They’ll insist on getting the respect they deserve because they know they have a right to it.
3. Having a healthy self-esteem doesn’t equate to being arrogant.
While it’s important to know your worth and carry yourself with confidence and respect, people with self-esteem are conscious to avoid getting high on their own supply. They know that there’s a difference between prioritizing themselves and being self-centered or acting like a jerk. They’re cognizant of their flaws, and they can take responsibility for their wrongs.
4. You don’t need to bring other people down to feel good about yourself.
It can be tempting to invalidate other people’s experiences or successes when we’re envious of them or when it seems like we’re not getting the results we want in our lives. However, people with high self-esteem know that other people’s wins don’t take anything away from them. They can celebrate other people while counting their own blessings.
5. They know how to make their own decisions.
Since they’re the ones with the most context and experience when it comes to living their lives, they know that they can trust their own judgment. Even if their judgment turns out to be wrong, they know that’s okay because they won’t always have all the answers. But whatever happens, they’ll figure it out like they have in the past.
6. Your happiness isn’t dependent on other people.
While they desire or appreciate the presence of friends, family, and lovers in their lives, their happiness, and fulfillment aren’t tied to them. They know that true happiness is a gift you give yourself because the one someone else hands you can always be taken away. They focus on living their lives as fully as they can on their own, and take any happiness they get from other people as a lovely bonus.
7. It takes work to improve your self-esteem.
They know that boosting self-esteem is not about just repeating positive affirmations without making any effort to change the aspects of their lives where they don’t feel good enough. They know that they have to take small and big steps to reinforce their self-worth and demonstrate that they can show up for themselves.
8. Negative self-talk doesn’t become truth unless you let it.
Even the most confident and self-loving people will experience moments that shake their belief in themselves, leaving them thinking that they’re not good enough or that they can’t achieve something. However, they don’t wallow in these negative thoughts because they know they aren’t facts. They push back against them by speaking positively to affirm and inspire themselves.
9. Comparing yourself to other people is an invitation to negativity.
They know that everyone’s journey is different, so there’s no point in having a measuring contest to see who is doing better. When you compare yourself to someone else, you’re inadvertently making them the standard and saying that you’re inferior. Those with healthy self-esteem know that they’re better off channeling their energy to their own goals and development.
10. They know what their values are.
People with high self-esteem know what they stand for, and they’re not afraid to live by their principles, even if it may be unpopular. Their values are reflected in the things they say, how they act, and the decisions they make, and they won’t sacrifice them on the altar of peer pressure.
11. Settling isn’t better than nothing.
For those who have low self-worth, settling sounds like a great idea because they believe that’s the best they can do. People with high self-esteem are not content to just accept anything. They know what they want in their career and relationships. They know they’re deserving of it, and they’re not afraid to wait or reach for it. Settling is not an option, as Tony Robbins points out.
12. Confidence requires self-compassion.
They know that having high self-esteem doesn’t mean that you’ll be perfect all the time. Or that you’ll never compromise your values or take crap from anyone. It just means that you have the good sense to accept your errors and understand why you made them. It means forgiving yourself and moving on, rather than constantly punishing yourself and reliving your mistakes.
13. External validation isn’t everything.
As much as they appreciate being recognized or being a part of communities, they know it shouldn’t come at the expense of their identity, beliefs, safety, or dignity. They don’t waste time on people pleasing or seeking attention and approval. They strive to stay true to themselves while being open to new experiences and sensible compromises.
14. Feelings don’t have to be shared or hidden.
When you hold yourself in high esteem, it comes with an understanding that you’re just human and that means having emotions, big and small. You don’t fear that people will hate you or leave you for expressing how you feel. You don’t think that expressing emotions is pathetic, embarrassing, or a sign of weakness. You know your feelings matter, and you don’t beat yourself up over them.
15. Hanging on to toxic people only increases your suffering.
Although they’re willing to extend grace and forgiveness where necessary, they can acknowledge when a relationship with someone is unhealthy or doing more harm than good. When someone keeps treating them poorly or displaying dangerous behavior, they distance themselves because they know that they deserve better.
16. Stepping outside your comfort zone is necessary for growth.
They know self-esteem doesn’t automatically make you good at everything or confident in all situations. They also know that being nervous or inexperienced isn’t an excuse not to take chances. So, they’re willing to face challenges and be uncomfortable when needed because that’s how they learn and prove themselves capable.
