When you’re in touch with your emotions, you have a high emotional intelligence, more empathy, and know what to say (or when not to say anything). There’s more to emotional intelligence than understanding your own emotions; it helps you get in touch with the emotions of the people around you. People who lack emotional intelligence may seem to lack tact with what they say, but they don’t understand the effect of those words or that they come off as harmful to the people around them. Here are some of those tactless phrases.
1. “I think you may be overreacting.”
While you may be overreacting, there’s no reason to point this out. There’s nothing wrong with sometimes going over the top when you’re upset. Plus, how you react to something could be very different from how someone else does, so who has the right to determine what is considered “overreacting”?
2. “If you’d just calm down…”
Like the previous phrase, sometimes, expressing our emotions requires us to “explode” a little bit. When we get that initial anxiety and anger out, we can then find the means to think things through and come up with a solution. Someone who says you should calm down doesn’t understand your emotional path.
3. “You’re being too sensitive.”
Whether you’re a highly sensitive person or not, there’s never a time when you’re too sensitive if that’s what you need to get through whatever is happening. Sometimes, we need to take things a little more personally and absorb them a little deeper to come out the other side stronger. Someone who lacks emotional intelligence may struggle to understand this process.
4. “I told you so.”
Saying “I told you so” is a passive-aggressive and rude thing to say to someone, Psychology Today notes. It comes off as childish. You’re also not thinking about how that person may already feel about the wrong choice they made–they probably don’t need your added negativity on top of their own.
5. “Stop crying.”
These are two simple words, but they can make someone cry even more, which is the opposite of what the person saying them prefers. Let those tears flow until you’re ready to stop. Crying helps us regulate our emotions in a way.
6. “It’s all in your head.”
If someone in your life is telling you that “It’s all in your head,” you could be dealing with a narcissist. This statement is one step away from gaslighting, a tactic used to make you feel as though you’re going crazy even when you’re not. Narcissists lack emotional intelligence to an extent, though they surely know how to manipulate other people’s emotions.
7. “Everything is always so dramatic with you.”
We all react to things differently. Would you instantly call someone who shows no emotion and stays calm in an emergency situation a narcissist? Probably not. So, the same goes for someone who responds dramatically to things–they’re not necessarily drama queens. Instead, they use this big reaction to deal with and process their emotions.
8. “It’s your fault you’re in this situation.”
While it is important to accept responsibility for the things in our lives, there are times when more than one person is at fault for a situation. It’s unfair for you to take all the blame if someone else is on this path with you. And, even if it is all your fault, nobody needs to rub that in your face.
9. “You’re so needy.”
Whether it’s something to do with your preferred love language or perhaps you didn’t get enough love as a child, some people are needier than others. They may be codependent or simply like getting extra attention so they can feel wanted and loved. Someone who is very independent or has always gotten what they wanted in life may not understand the needs of a needy person.
10. “This isn’t my problem.”
When you confide in someone about what you’re going through, and they respond with something like, “It’s not my problem,” you know you’re dealing with someone who lacks empathy. An emotionally intelligent and understanding person would know you’re looking for sympathy and possibly even advice.
11. “You need a thicker skin.”
A thicker skin can help you get through so many things, but having someone say this to you makes it feel like they think you’re a spineless jellyfish. Even people with thick skin have moments where they let their guard down and become flooded with emotions. A thick skin can’t protect you from everything, and it’s an unhealthy way to avoid your emotions.
12. “You never do anything right.”
Everybody makes mistakes. Someone who only sees those mistakes will point them out any chance they get because they lack the emotional intelligence to realize that mistakes are part of the learning process. Nobody does everything wrong.
13. “You’re such a pushover.”
Some people seem easy to push over, but what’s going on is that they are kind people who like to help others. If someone calls you a pushover because of your kind heart, don’t let it get to you. This statement says more about how they lack empathy than who you are.
14. “I don’t want to hear it right now.”
It’s essential to have people in your life who you can confide in when you need to discuss something. While you don’t want to weigh one person down with all of your problems, someone constantly saying they don’t want to hear what you have to say is shutting you out and has no emotional connection with you.
15. “You shouldn’t feel like that.”
Never let someone else tell you how you should or shouldn’t feel. Everyone feels differently and expresses their emotions in their own way. Someone who tells you how you should feel tries to control you, and they don’t understand how emotions work.
16. “Stop saying that.”
Whether someone is telling you to stop saying that you’re sorry or anything else, know they shouldn’t be telling you what to do or how to be you; if you genuinely feel sorry or upset, feel that way. Only you know how to move through your emotions–don’t let someone else try to control you by changing your feelings or words.
17. “Just stop worrying about it.”
If you want to worry about something, worry away. Of course, it helps to learn how to choose your battles and not waste energy on things that don’t need your time, Forbes points out. However, nobody else should tell you what is worth worrying about and what isn’t; that’s up to you to figure out.
18. “Other people have it worse than you.”
There will always be people who have it worse than someone else, but pointing out this fact does nothing to help your problems. Someone who uses this statement as a comeback when you’re going through something rough may not have ever gone through what you’re going through, or they lack empathy. Either way, you have the right to feel bad, even if someone else feels worse than you.
19. “You never make any sense.”
When you are in the throes of anxiety, depression, or grief, sometimes you don’t make any sense, even to yourself. You’re trying to work through the emotions, which takes time. Someone pointing out that you don’t make sense isn’t offering anything constructive. They’d be better off asking if you could explain things to them.
20. “Just drop it.”
If someone doesn’t want to listen to what you say, they may tell you to drop it. This is a sign they lack emotional intelligence and aren’t very good communicators. If they don’t want to hear you out, they may not belong in your life.
