We all know those people who seem a little too nice, a little too perfect. They always have a smile on their face and a compliment ready, but something feels off. Maybe their kindness feels insincere or forced. It could be because they’re not genuinely nice, just pretending to be. There are certain phrases these people tend to let slip that reveal their true colors — listen out for these.
1. “I’m not one to judge, but…”
This seemingly harmless phrase often precedes a thinly veiled criticism or judgmental comment. It’s a way for them to express their disapproval while pretending to be open-minded and accepting. It’s like a verbal disclaimer that allows them to say what they really think without taking responsibility for their judgmental attitude.
2. “I would never say this to anyone else, but…”
This phrase implies that you’re special and they trust you with their “honest” opinion. However, it’s often a manipulative tactic to make you feel indebted to them for their supposed candor. It’s also a way for them to share gossip or negative comments about other people while maintaining a facade of discretion and loyalty.
3. “I’m just being honest.”
This is a classic deflection used to justify hurtful or insensitive comments, Forbes notes. It’s often a way for them to avoid taking responsibility for their words and to make you feel like you’re overreacting. Genuine honesty is about expressing your thoughts and feelings respectfully, not using it as a weapon to put people down.
4. “I only want what’s best for you.”
This phrase can sound caring and supportive, but it often masks a controlling or manipulative agenda. They might use it to justify their unsolicited advice, their attempts to influence your decisions, or their criticism of your choices. It’s important to remember that you’re capable of making your own decisions and that true support comes from respecting your autonomy.
5. “I’m not like other people.”
This phrase is often used to create a sense of exclusivity or superiority. It can be a subtle way of putting people down or distancing themselves from perceived flaws or shortcomings. It’s also a way to make themselves seem more desirable or interesting by implying that they’re unique and different from the “ordinary” crowd.
6. “You’re so lucky to have me.”
This phrase is a subtle form of emotional manipulation. It’s designed to make you feel indebted to them and to question your own worth. It’s also a way to subtly undermine your confidence and make you more dependent on their approval. Remember, healthy relationships are based on mutual respect and appreciation, not on a constant reminder of how “lucky” you are.
7. “I’m just kidding!”
This is often used to dismiss hurtful or insensitive comments as harmless jokes. It’s a way for them to avoid accountability for their words and to make you feel like you’re being too sensitive. While playful teasing can be fun, it’s important to be mindful of other people’s feelings and to avoid using humor as a guise for cruelty.
8. “Why are you so sensitive?”
This phrase is a classic deflection used to invalidate your feelings and emotions. It’s often a way for them to avoid taking responsibility for their hurtful behavior and to make you feel like you’re overreacting. It’s important to remember that your feelings are valid and that you have the right to express them without being dismissed or belittled.
9. “That’s not what I meant!”
This defensive exclamation is often used after they’ve said something hurtful or offensive. Instead of acknowledging the impact of their words or apologizing, they try to shift the blame onto you for misinterpreting their intentions. It’s a way of avoiding accountability and maintaining their facade of niceness.
10. “You’re too sensitive/dramatic.”
This phrase is designed to invalidate your feelings and emotions. It’s a way to dismiss your concerns and make you feel like you’re overreacting. Genuine empathy involves acknowledging and validating people’s feelings, even if you don’t fully understand them. This phrase is a clear indication that they lack empathy and are more concerned with protecting their own ego than understanding your perspective.
11. “I’m the only one who tells you the truth.”
This manipulative phrase is designed to isolate you from other people and make you dependent on their approval. They might portray themselves as the only person who truly cares about you and has your best interests at heart, while subtly undermining your trust in people. It’s important to remember that healthy relationships involve diverse perspectives and that it’s okay to disagree with someone while still valuing their opinion.
12. “You always/never…”
These sweeping generalizations are often used to paint you in a negative light and make you feel defensive. They might accuse you of “always” being late, “never” listening, or “always” causing problems. These exaggerations are often inaccurate and unfair, but they can be effective in manipulating your emotions and making you question yourself.
13. “I’m so busy, but I’ll try my best.”
This phrase is often used to make excuses for not following through on commitments or promises. They might offer to help you with something or make plans with you, but then back out at the last minute, citing their busy schedule. While everyone gets busy sometimes, this phrase can be a red flag if it’s used repeatedly as a way to avoid responsibility or prioritize their own needs over yours.
14. “You’re so much better at this than me.”
This seemingly innocent compliment can actually be a backhanded way of undermining your confidence, Verywell Mind acknowledges. They might use it to downplay your accomplishments, make you feel like you’re not good enough, or avoid competing with you. It’s important to recognize when a compliment is genuine and when it’s being used as a subtle form of manipulation.
15. “I’m just trying to help.”
This phrase is often used to justify unsolicited advice, criticism, or interference in your life. They might offer their opinions or suggestions even when they haven’t been asked, or they might try to control your decisions under the guise of helping you. While genuine help is valuable, it’s important to set boundaries and assert your autonomy when someone is overstepping their bounds.
16. “Everyone thinks you’re…”
This manipulative tactic is used to create doubt and insecurity. They might say things like “Everyone thinks you’re overreacting” or “Everyone thinks you’re being difficult.” This is a way to isolate you from your support network and make you question your own judgment. It’s important to trust your instincts and remember that you’re not responsible for what other people think.
17. “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
This non-apology is often used to avoid taking responsibility for their actions. Instead of acknowledging their own role in hurting you, they shift the focus to your feelings. It’s a way of dismissing your emotions and avoiding accountability for their behavior. A genuine apology involves acknowledging the harm caused and taking steps to make amends.
18. “You misunderstood me.”
This phrase is another way to deflect blame and avoid responsibility. Instead of owning up to their words or actions, they accuse you of misinterpreting their intentions. This can be a frustrating and confusing experience, leaving you doubting your own perceptions and feeling gaslit. It’s important to trust your instincts and remember that you’re not responsible for their inability to communicate clearly.
