There’s nothing worse than a flaky person who swears up and down that they’ll do something or be somewhere, only to let you down at the last minute (often without even giving you any warning). Flaky people are everywhere, and they tend to be full of excuses when confronted about their behavior. It’s enough to drive you crazy, but it doesn’t have to. Here’s how to deal with people like this without losing your cool.
1. Acknowledge the flakiness without judgment.
Obviously, you have to acknowledge that flakiness is a real issue in the relationship. This person lets you down time and time again — it’s not a one-off. However, you should avoid getting caught up in labeling the person or judging their character. Instead, focus on the impact their behavior has on you and the relationship.
2. Set clear expectations and boundaries.
Flaky people often thrive on ambiguity. Counter this by communicating your expectations clearly and setting firm boundaries, Psych Central suggests. Let them know what you consider acceptable behavior and what the consequences will be if they continue to be flaky.
3. Don’t make excuses for them.
It’s tempting to try to rationalize their flakiness, but this only enables their behavior. Resist the urge to make excuses or downplay the impact of their actions. Remember, you’re not responsible for their choices. What they’re doing is unfair and inconsiderate, and that’s all there is to it.
4. Be assertive and direct in your communication.
Don’t beat around the bush. When their flakiness causes a problem, address it directly and calmly. Explain how their actions affected you and reiterate your expectations for how things need to go in the future. It shouldn’t be that difficult!
5. Don’t overinvest emotionally.
It’s easy to get emotionally invested in relationships, but with flaky people, it’s important to guard your heart. Don’t rely on them for emotional support or depend on their promises. Maintain a healthy distance and focus on your own well-being.
6. Stop making yourself overly available.
Flaky people often take advantage of those who are always available. Reclaim your time and energy by making yourself less accessible. Don’t always be the one to initiate plans or accommodate their schedule. Let them make an effort to connect with you.
7. Offer alternative solutions.
Sometimes, flakiness stems from a genuine lack of organization or time management skills. If you believe this is the case, offer helpful suggestions or alternative solutions that might make it easier for them to follow through on commitments.
8. Focus on your own needs and priorities.
Remember, your time and energy are valuable. Don’t waste them on people who consistently disrespect your boundaries and disregard your feelings. Focus on building relationships with people who are reliable, trustworthy, and supportive.
9. Don’t take it personally.
Flaky behavior is often more a reflection of the flaky person’s issues than anything you’ve done wrong. Remind yourself that their flakiness isn’t a personal attack on you, even if it feels that way sometimes.
10. Give them a chance to explain, but don’t let them off the hook.
As Psychology Today explains, there are many reasons people might be flaky, ranging from being overbooked to mental health issues like anxiety and depression. However, that doesn’t make it okay. If someone cancels plans or breaks a promise, it’s fair to give them a chance to explain their reasons. However, don’t let them get away with simply offering a flimsy excuse. Hold them accountable for their actions and reiterate your expectations for the future.
11. Be prepared to distance yourself.
If someone’s flakiness becomes a chronic pattern and significantly impacts your well-being, it may be necessary to distance yourself from them. This doesn’t have to be a dramatic ending; it can be a gradual process of reducing contact and prioritizing relationships that are more fulfilling.
12. Don’t try to change them.
It’s tempting to try to “fix” flaky people, but this is rarely successful. Ultimately, it’s up to them to recognize the impact of their behavior and make changes. Focus your energy on taking care of yourself and surrounding yourself with positive influences.
13. Learn to say “no.”
Flaky people often rely on the willingness of others to accommodate their whims. Learn to say “no” when their requests are unreasonable or disruptive to your own plans. Setting boundaries is essential for maintaining your own well-being.
14. Look for patterns in their behavior.
Pay attention to the situations in which their flakiness tends to emerge. Are they more likely to flake on certain types of commitments or when certain people are involved? Understanding these patterns can help you anticipate their behavior and make informed decisions about how to interact with them.
15. Forgive, but don’t forget.
If someone apologizes for their flakiness and demonstrates a genuine effort to change, it’s okay to forgive them. However, don’t forget their past behavior. Keep your expectations realistic and maintain healthy boundaries to protect yourself from future disappointments.
16. Take care of yourself.
Dealing with flaky people can be emotionally draining. Make sure you’re taking care of your own needs and prioritizing your well-being. Engage in activities that bring you joy, spend time with supportive friends and family, and seek professional help if needed. Remember, your happiness and peace of mind are more important than any relationship with a flaky person.
