Many people have nostalgia for the past, from a favorite TV show that went off the air years ago to that first apartment they lived in after college. It can feel warm and cozy to remember good times with family and friends. But if you think about the past too much and don’t focus on what’s right in front of you, you could be missing out. If these signs sound just like you, then it’s time to ease up on your rules and routines.
1. You always think your life was better before.
Comparing your current reality to last year or even five years ago can be tough. You miss living in the same neighborhood as your closest friend, but they moved to a new country for work. You romanticize your last relationship because you’re frustrated with the single life when you know you were miserable. As Tony Robbins notes, if you always believe you were happier in the past, you’re never going to take the steps you need to be content now.
2. You still talk to ex-partners just in case.
Whether you’re content with being single or are searching for that forever partner, it’s usually not the best idea to keep in touch with exes. It’s proof that you’re hanging on to the person you used to be, and it’s making it hard for you to have fun in the here and now. If you keep talking to people you used to love, you’ll always wonder if you can make it work. You’ll also stop yourself from focusing on the present and meeting someone who could be a better fit.
3. You don’t break up with that mean friend you’ve known forever.
Everyone tends to have one friend who treats them poorly and makes them feel inferior. But since you’ve known each other for years (or maybe even decades), you don’t feel right cutting them out of your life. Unfortunately, people from your past don’t always need to be part of your present, and this cruel person is holding you back from being happy. It’s better to end the friendship and do your best to forget about the hurt they caused you. If you stay friends with them, you’re going to keep telling yourself that they’ll be nicer. But the truth is that they won’t.
4. You’re hesitant to leave your job because you’ve worked there for years.
Unfortunately, sometimes you start a new job that feels like the perfect fit, from the office location to your coworkers to the actual work itself. Then, as time passes, you become frustrated with not getting promoted, or you realize you’re not passionate anymore. While you should quit, you don’t want to leave a place you’ve grown attached to because you remember when times were better. If this is you, then you have to be okay with letting go and taking the risk of another opportunity.
5. You’re too upset about your parents selling your childhood home.
Although some people stay in the same house even when they retire and their kids grow up, it’s more likely that your parents are going to find a new place to live at some point during your adulthood. Instead of accepting this, you’re sad and view it as a horrible idea. This not only will stress your parents out, but it will prevent you from realizing that you’re in a different phase of your life. You can still have a great relationship with your family wherever they move.
6. You hold on to traditions too tightly and aren’t flexible when they shift.
While everyone loves going home for Christmas or making the same pumpkin and apple pies at Thanksgiving, sometimes traditions have to change as you get older. Maybe your mom gets a bad flu and your sister hosts the winter holidays instead. Or your parents want to go on a cruise and celebrate at another time. If you can’t be adaptable, you’re hanging on to the past too tightly instead of enjoying yourself in the present.
7. You’ll only travel to places you’ve been.
Whether you like using dating apps like Tinder when on vacation or truly unplug from the stress of dating (or you’ve been in a serious relationship for a long time), you don’t feel that adventure and travel mix. You like revisiting the same cities or towns, which means you tend to book the same vacations once or twice every year. While it’s fun to have a favorite place, you’re stopping yourself from exploring more of the world. You’re stuck in the past and don’t think you would enjoy seeing something new when in reality, you might be missing out.
8. You think any big or small change is the end of the world.
From learning the owner of the condo you’re renting is taking it back to being asked by your boss to transfer to an office in another city, you’re going to face changes throughout your life. Some will be small and insignificant, but others will be more intense and long-lasting. You know you’re refusing to let go of the past when you view any change as a terrible thing. It’s more useful to know that nothing good or bad stays the same, and to see shifts as thrilling and cool.
9. You resist the opportunity to form new friendships.
Did your close friend ask you to celebrate Thanksgiving with a group of people she knows? Are your coworkers starting a pickleball team? You say no when you get fun invitations because you want to stick with the friends you already have. But you’re assuming that the friendships you formed in the past are better than connections you could have in the future, and that’s not necessarily true.
10. You ignore advice that could help you move forward in life.
While no one wants to be lectured or to get bad advice, there are probably people in your life who have shared some helpful wisdom with you. Maybe your sibling knows you’ve been talking about adopting a workout routine and suggests you go to yoga together. Or perhaps your mom sends you job postings because she knows you’re unhappy at work. Shrugging off advice proves you don’t think the present or future can be as good as your past. But hanging on to what used to be won’t help you. Accepting that you should switch things up will allow you to get where you need to go.
11. You avoid dating or having a busy social life because you want to spend time with your parents.
While it’s great that you love your parents, and you’re close, you might be using them as an excuse for why you’re single or why you don’t see your friends as much as you could. Instead of embracing adulthood and keeping some healthy distance from your mom and dad, you’re holding on to the past. There’s nothing wrong with seeing your parents often, but it shouldn’t be instead of living your life.
12. You never throw anything out… just in case you need it again.
From a box of photos of people you don’t keep in touch with anymore to a necklace your ex gave you, it’s hard for you to let go of any belongings. You feel worried about getting rid of things that might be necessary at some point. But if you don’t declutter your home, you won’t be able to forget the parts of your past that you don’t need to think about anymore. Throwing stuff out is also a fun opportunity to redecorate.
13. You don’t try things a second time.
Did you go to a CrossFit class a few months ago and feel overwhelmed? Did you fall down when learning to rollerskate last year? If you hold on to bad or awkward experiences and assume you’ll hate things if you try them again, that might be the wrong attitude to have. A more balanced view would be that you might dislike that sport if you give it a second shot, but you might also have a great time.
14. You hold on to personality traits you’ve always had.
You don’t have to change your whole personality as you get older and, in fact, you might get more set in your ways as many people do. But at the same time, you don’t have to be the shy and quiet one in your friend group just because that’s the role you’ve always played. Stay open to growth, Harvard Business Review suggests, and you could surprise yourself.
15. You replay embarrassing and upsetting moments in your head 24/7.
No one wants to remember that time in elementary school when they peed while making a presentation, or when they accidentally burped in a work meeting earlier this year. If you’re always thinking about the humiliating moments you’ve experienced, you’re not going to be able to move on. Focusing on the things that went wrong stops you from achieving goals and having fun right now.
