We’ve all been there – stuck in conversations where the other person’s words make us feel less than. Maybe it’s a subtle jab about our appearance or a backhanded compliment about our work. Sometimes, people don’t even realize the impact of their words. But regardless of intent, these phrases can leave a lasting sting.
1. “You have too much makeup on today.”
This seemingly innocent comment implies there’s a “right” amount of makeup and anything more is excessive. It might be well-intentioned, but it can make someone feel self-conscious and question their choices. Everyone has different preferences for makeup, and what makes one person feel confident might not work for another. Remember, beauty is subjective, and feeling good in your own skin is what truly matters.
2. “You look tired.”
Even if someone genuinely looks fatigued, pointing it out can be hurtful — not to mention offensive, Slate notes. It focuses on their appearance and might make them feel self-conscious about something they can’t easily change. Instead, try asking how they’re doing or if everything is okay. This shows you care about their well-being rather than focusing on their looks.
3. “You’re too sensitive.”
This phrase is often used to dismiss someone’s feelings or reactions. It implies that their emotions are invalid or excessive. Telling someone they’re “too sensitive” can make them feel misunderstood and hesitant to express themselves in the future. Instead, try to understand their perspective and validate their feelings, even if you don’t necessarily agree with them.
4. “You’re not like other women.”
While this might seem like a compliment, it often perpetuates harmful stereotypes about women. It implies that there’s something inherently wrong with being a “typical” woman and suggests that someone is special because they don’t conform to societal expectations. Remember, everyone is unique and valuable, regardless of gender stereotypes.
5. “Are you sure you can handle that?”
This question undermines someone’s confidence and abilities. It implies that they’re not capable or competent enough to take on a task or challenge. Instead of questioning their abilities, offer your support and encouragement. Trust that they know their own strengths and limitations.
6. “You’ve gained weight.”
Commenting on someone’s weight is never okay. It’s a personal and sensitive topic, and unsolicited opinions can be incredibly hurtful. It’s important to remember that everyone’s body is different, and fluctuations in weight are perfectly normal. Focus on appreciating people for who they are, not their appearance.
7. “You should smile more.”
Telling someone to smile more is a form of policing their emotions. It suggests that they’re not happy or approachable enough. Everyone has different resting faces and expressions. Trying to force someone to smile can make them feel uncomfortable and invalidate their feelings.
8. “You’re so lucky you don’t have to work.”
This comment dismisses the valuable contributions that stay-at-home parents or caregivers make. Caring for a home and family is a demanding and important job, even if it doesn’t come with a traditional paycheck. It’s important to recognize and appreciate the hard work that goes into running a household.
9. “You’re so high maintenance.”
This phrase often carries a negative connotation, implying that someone is demanding or difficult to please. It can make people feel like their needs and preferences are burdensome or unreasonable. Instead of labeling someone as “high maintenance,” try to understand their specific needs and communicate openly about how to best meet them.
10. “You’re being dramatic.”
This dismissive comment invalidates someone’s feelings and experiences. It suggests that their reactions are exaggerated or unwarranted. Everyone has different ways of expressing emotions, and what might seem dramatic to one person could be perfectly normal for another. Instead of judging their reactions, try to understand their perspective and offer support.
11. “You’re too quiet.”
Some people are naturally introverted or prefer to listen more than they speak. Telling someone they’re “too quiet” can make them feel like they need to change their personality to fit in. Everyone has different communication styles, and there’s nothing wrong with being introverted. Embrace and respect people for who they are, not for how outgoing they are.
12. “You always overreact.”
This phrase dismisses someone’s feelings and implies that their reactions are disproportionate to the situation. It can make them feel misunderstood and invalidated. Instead of focusing on how they react, try to understand the underlying reasons for their emotions. Offer empathy and support, even if you don’t necessarily agree with their reaction, Medical News Today suggests.
13. “You’re so bossy.”
This term is often used to criticize women who assert themselves or take charge. It implies that their leadership style is overbearing or domineering. Instead of using gendered labels, focus on describing specific behaviors or actions. If someone is being overly directive, offer constructive feedback rather than resorting to stereotypes.
14. “That’s not very ladylike.”
This outdated phrase perpetuates harmful gender stereotypes about how women should behave. It suggests that there’s a “right” way for women to act and that any deviation from that norm is unacceptable. Remember, everyone is different, and there’s no one-size-fits-all definition of what it means to be “ladylike.”
15. “You’re intimidating.”
This comment can be particularly hurtful to women who are confident and assertive. It suggests that their strength and self-assurance are somehow threatening or off-putting. Instead of focusing on how someone makes you feel, try to understand their perspective and appreciate their unique qualities.
16. “You’re not very feminine.”
This phrase perpetuates harmful stereotypes about what it means to be a woman. It suggests that there’s a “right” way for women to look and act and that anyone who doesn’t conform to that ideal is somehow lacking. Remember, femininity is a spectrum, and there’s no one-size-fits-all definition. Embrace and celebrate the diversity of female experiences.
17. “You’re getting emotional.”
This phrase is often used to dismiss someone’s feelings, especially if they’re expressing anger, sadness, or frustration. It implies that their emotions are irrational or out of control. Everyone experiences emotions differently, and it’s important to validate and acknowledge them rather than dismissing them as “emotional.”
18. “You’re too much.”
This vague and dismissive comment can make someone feel like they’re not good enough or that they need to change who they are to be accepted. It can be particularly hurtful coming from someone close to you, as it suggests that they don’t appreciate your unique personality and quirks. Remember, being yourself is your greatest strength, and anyone who truly cares about you will accept you for who you are.
