We all want our relationships to be healthy (duh). But sometimes, what started as a loving partnership can slowly turn sour. It’s not always easy to spot when things have taken a turn for the worse, especially when you’re caught up in the day-to-day. That’s why I’ve put together this list of signs that your relationship might have veered into toxic territory.
1. Constant criticism
According to the Huffington Post, in a toxic relationship, criticism becomes the norm. Your partner might pick apart your appearance, your decisions, or your personality and you feel like you can’t do anything right. This barrage of negativity does one thing: chips away at your self-esteem. If you find yourself walking on eggshells to avoid being criticized, that’s a red flag.
2. Lack of trust
It sounds repetitive but it’s true: trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship. In a toxic one, suspicion and doubt creep in. You might find yourself constantly checking your partner’s phone or feeling the need to account for every minute of your day. Maybe your partner even accuses you of cheating without any evidence. When trust falls, so does the relationship’s stability.
3. Controlling behavior
Does your partner try to dictate who you can see, what you can wear, or how you spend your money? Controlling behavior is a hallmark of toxic relationships. It might start small, like suggesting you change your outfit, but it can escalate to something more serious, like isolating you from friends and family.
4. Lack of accountability
In toxic relationships, there’s often one partner (or sometimes both) who refuses to take responsibility for their actions. They might always play the victim, blame others for their mistakes, or refuse to apologize. Not only does this behavior make it impossible to address and solve problems in the relationship, but it also can lead to serious burnout and resentment.
5. Codependency
While it’s great to feel close to your partner, there’s a fine line between healthy attachment and unhealthy codependency. If you feel like you can’t function without your partner, or if your entire sense of self-worth is tied to the relationship, it might be time to reassess.
6. Emotional or physical abuse
This one’s non-negotiable. Any form of abuse, whether it’s physical violence, emotional manipulation, or verbal attacks, is a clear sign of a toxic relationship. Remember, abuse is never your fault, and you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness. If you need help walking away, we highly recommend seeking professional help.
7. Constant fighting
Sure, all couples have disagreements. But if you find yourself in screaming matches over the tiniest things, or if conflicts never seem to get resolved, that’s a problem. Toxic relationships often involve cyclical arguments that leave both partners feeling drained and resentful.
8. Lack of support
In a healthy relationship, your partner should be your biggest fan. If you find that your S.O. dismisses your dreams, belittles your achievements, or is absent during your important moments, it’s a sign that something’s off. They might even actively sabotage your goals out of jealousy or insecurity and that’s toxic as heck.
9. Keeping score
“I did this for you, so you owe me that.” Sound familiar? In toxic relationships, partners keep a mental tally of favors and slights, using them as ammunition in arguments. This transactional approach ruins what should make up a healthy relationship: generosity and mutual support.
10. Lack of individual identity
While it’s natural for couples to influence each other, in a toxic relationship, one or both partners might lose their sense of individual identity. If you feel like you’ve lost touch with your own interests, friends, or values because of your relationship, it’s a warning sign.
11. Jealousy and possessiveness
A little jealousy can be normal, but when it becomes overwhelming, it’s toxic. If your partner gets upset when you talk to others, demands access to your personal accounts, or tries to control your social life due to jealousy, that’s a red flag.
12. Lack of intimacy
I’m not just talking about physical intimacy here (but that can definitely be a part of it!). Emotional intimacy is crucial in a relationship. If you feel like you can’t be vulnerable with your partner, or if there’s a always emotional distance, it could be a sign of toxicity.
13. Financial control or abuse
Money issues can be a major source of conflict in relationships (according to Sage Journals, finances were the primary reason for relationship conflict in 40% of disagreements in long-term relationships). But if your partner controls all the finances, prevents you from having your own money, or uses money to manipulate you, it’s financial abuse and a definite sign of a toxic relationship.
14. Inequality in effort
Relationships should be a two-way street. If you constantly feel like you’re the only one putting in effort—whether it’s in communication, planning dates, or managing household responsibilities—it can lead to resentment and burnout.
15. Feeling drained
Finally, pay attention to how you feel after spending time with your partner. While all relationships have their ups and downs, if you consistently feel emotionally exhausted, anxious, or unhappy after interacting with your significant other, it might be a sign that the relationship has become toxic.
