Nothing feels worse than hurting someone you love, especially when that someone is your partner.
We love our partners and should always strive to be the best version of ourselves for them and maintain domestic peace. However, no one is perfect, and though you may not realize it, you may have some habits that inadvertently cause your partner pain and suffering. Here are 15 things that, if you’re doing them, are adding to your partner’s pain and suffering.
1. You ignore their feelings.
Have you ever had someone ignore you when you’re upset? It hurts, doesn’t it? When you dismiss or ignore your partner’s feelings, they can feel undervalued and unheard, Psychology Today notes. Acknowledging their emotions, even if you don’t fully understand or agree with them, is crucial for maintaining a supportive and empathetic relationship.
2. You constantly criticize.
Though it’s understandable to speak freely about things that bother you, criticizing your partner too much can hurt their self-esteem and make your home feel more like a battleground. Excessive negativity can lead to feelings of inadequacy in your partner and also fear. If they have to walk on eggshells around you for fear of invoking criticism, it’s going to cause them pain.
3. You lack good communication.
Transparent communication is essential for resolving conflicts and ensuring both partners feel understood and valued. However, when you fail to be upfront with them or communicate in a proactive way, it can make for some tricky situations. Whether you don’t talk to your partner enough, or have trouble resolving conflicts, over time, this poor connection will lead to resentment.
4. You stonewall.
During conflict, it can be easy to shut down and block out your partner completely. This behavior is called stonewalling and can leave your partner feeling abandoned and frustrated. Not being able to resolve the issue and an excess of coldness can make a difficult situation even harder.
5. You disregard their boundaries.
Without trust, your relationship cannot survive; however, disrespecting your partner’s boundaries can hurt your partner’s ability to trust you. Whether the boundary is personal, emotional, or physical, refusing to acknowledge or honor it shows a lack of regard for their well-being. Everyone deserves that courtesy.
6. You’re inconsistent.
Are you hot and cold with your partner? Loving one minute and brusque the next? Being inconsistent in your actions or behavior can create confusion and insecurity in your partner. Consistency helps build a stable and predictable environment. Being consistent can help them feel more safe with you, so it’s worth trying to even your moods when you can.
7. You withhold affection.
Feeling disappointed at times is natural; however, leveraging your care for another person to get them to act a certain way is emotional manipulation. You should avoid withholding your affection if you don’t want to hurt your partner. After all, affection is a fundamental part of a loving relationship, and using it as a weapon is never right.
8. You’re unreliable.
Are you always forgetting important events or bailing on your partner last minute? You might be inadvertently hurting your partner. Neglecting your partner and not honoring your commitments to them is a surefire way to destroy the bond you share. Being reliable forms trust, and failing to be dependable can lead to significant emotional distress.
9. You often compare them to other people.
We all want to be our own person, valued as we are. This is why constantly comparing your partner to other people can undermine their confidence and self-worth. Plus, it can also make them feel seriously insecure, and make them believe you see them as subpar.
10. You’re overly controlling with finances.
Money is power, even in a relationship. The partner who holds the purse strings is likely to have some extra leverage over the other person. However, this power dynamic can create a feeling of helplessness or inadequacy in your partner. If you restrict their spending, refuse to let them have their own money, or are frivolous with your shared assets, this can cause your partner to suffer.
11. You don’t support them.
Everyone wants someone in their corner cheering them on. This is why failing to support your partner’s goals, dreams, or needs can lead to them feeling isolated and insignificant. Stepping up and being a supportive partner involves encouraging and helping them achieve their aspirations, and if you’re not up to the task, your partner is likely to suffer.
12. You’re dishonest.
Most people try to avoid lying but fall into the trap of doing so anyway to protect themselves or others. Lying or withholding the truth erodes the foundation of trust in a relationship. It’s important to be honest in a strong partnership, as deceit can cause deep emotional pain and a sense of betrayal you may never be able to recover from.
13. You’re jealous.
While a little jealousy is normal in a relationship, excessive jealousy can drive a wedge between you and your partner. Assuming all other people in their lives are out to get them will only lead them to suffocate their partner and restrict their freedom. Constant suspicion and control can lead to significant emotional suffering for your partner and damage your relationship.
14. You take them for granted.
Over time, complacency often takes hold of relationships. If you fail to appreciate your partner and take their efforts for granted, it’s only a matter of time until they feel neglected. It’s important to express gratitude and acknowledge the importance of the relationship regularly to avoid painful misunderstandings.
15. You refuse to compromise.
When two people come together, some concessions will likely have to be made for the sake of peace. But if you’re inflexible, it can create ongoing conflict and resentment, Verywell Mind warns. Relationships require give and take, and a refusal to meet in the middle can lead to one partner feeling like they’re giving too much, which is sure to lead to resentment.
