A high-functioning narcissist is someone who’s skilled at hiding their narcissistic traits. They work hard, achieve great success, and fool people into thinking they’re genuinely charming and kind. Luckily, there are ways to spot them so you don’t get caught in their trap. Here are 15 signs you’re dealing with a high-level narcissist.
1. They gaslight you.
A high-level narcissist is a master of manipulation, Psych Central notes. They’ll deceive you into thinking they’re right and you’re wrong, or messing with your head so you doubt yourself. They’ll also question your memory and opinions to undermine you. For example, if you say something positive about your friend, the narcissist will tell you that your friend is gossiping about you. Or, if you see the narcissist drinking coffee and express surprise because they gave it up, they’ll look at you as though you’re crazy and tell you they never said that. They do this to make you question yourself and experience a lack of confidence.
2. They’re super arrogant.
You can spot a high-level narcissist by how they walk around as though they’re the hottest specimen to ever live. Their over-confidence makes them come across as rude, as they tend to belittle people without showing any remorse. You’ll see how they speak down to people or use passive-aggressive communication such as eye-rolls to mock people. This boosts their self-esteem and makes them feel superior.
3. They’re entitled.
The high-level narcissist will expose their negative or toxic traits in private, and one of the ways in which they do this is by acting entitled. They’ll behave as though they’re special and need to be treated differently from others. For example, they’ll get angry if the omelet you made for them isn’t exactly to their liking. Or, they’ll behave in a sulky way if you can’t spend time with them because you already have plans. They think they deserve the best and that everyone should cater to their needs.
4. They’re dripping with charm.
All narcissists are charming when they first get to know you because it’s part of their love-bombing strategy to make you like them. But a high-level narcissist will go the extra mile when it comes to being charismatic and appealing. They do this to hide their mean streak so that you think they’re the most wonderful person in the world. If you’ve ever thought someone is so perfect, they don’t have any negative traits, it’s a huge red flag you could be dealing with a high-level narcissist!
5. They “tease” you.
A high-level narcissist loves to bring you down in subtle ways so you feel bad about yourself but can’t call them out on their behavior because it’s not always direct. They’ll playfully tease you, but it doesn’t feel funny. In fact, it’s downright mean. When you confront them about it, they’ll make it seem like you’re the problem, such as that you’re being too sensitive or not capable of taking a joke. They do this because they never take accountability for their bad behavior.
6. They expect tons of praise.
A high-level narcissist is high-maintenance! They want your approval so badly, they expect you to compliment and praise them constantly because it boosts their fragile ego. Since they don’t have any internal validation due to low self-esteem, they seek approval from external sources. If you’re the type of person to sing their praises, they’ll want to be around you all the time.
7. They’re conversation hogs.
During interactions, the high-level narcissist will dominate every conversation, making you struggle to get a word in. They love talking about themselves and things they’re interested in, without much consideration for you. When you try to talk about yourself or your life, they’ll cleverly steer the conversation back to them. For example, if you mention the struggle of buying your new car, they’ll say, “I know what you mean” and launch into an anecdote of their car-buying experience.
8. They don’t have any real friends.
Although a high-level narcissist will strut around with fake confidence and charisma that makes you think they’re loved by many, the truth is that they don’t have long-term friends. No one sticks around long enough to get burned by their toxic traits! Since narcissists are riddled with insecurity, they tend to belittle those closest to them, which prevents them from forming real bonds.
9. They don’t show you any empathy.
If you’re hoping the narcissist in your life will care about your feelings, don’t hold your breath. Although the high-level narcissist does have the ability to empathize, per Psychology Today, they just don’t care about other people’s needs. They might give you a puzzled look when you express anger or hurt, or just dismiss your feelings by changing the subject.
10. They’re extreme perfectionists.
A high-level narcissist works hard and is highly ambitious, striving to be perfect in all that they do. Although at first glance this can seem like they’re meticulous and driven, their need to be perfect is a way for them to impress people. It’s also a sign of their competitiveness, as they always want to be victorious because it makes them feel superior to everyone else.
11. They exaggerate their traits and success.
It’s common for a high-level narcissist to boast about their traits, behaviors, and achievements. They’ll tell you how they achieved a promotion and mention that they’ve had three in the last two years. Or, they’ll talk about playing football and drop in that they’re the best player on their team. They’re highly self-absorbed. Constantly marketing themselves during conversation enables them to achieve validation from other people.
12. They engage in superficial relationships.
A high-level narcissist isn’t interested in building connections with people — unless those people can give them what they want. They’re not ashamed to use people for their own gain, whether that involves faking a connection to get ahead in their career or becoming your friend so they can manipulate you into giving them access to your bank account or holiday home. It’s always about what they stand to gain from a relationship, not about the other person.
13. They’re sexually seductive.
It’s common for high-functioning narcissists to use seduction to make you feel like they’re genuinely interested in you. For example, they might try to impress you by flirting or speaking in a soft, engaging way so that you feel attracted to them. To make you feel like you’re connecting with them on a physical and emotional level, they’ll also use touch, such as touching your arm or shoulder during conversation.
14. They win people over in public.
One of the most annoying traits of a high-level narcissist is that they have a different public versus private persona. It’s usually only those closest to them who’ll witness their toxic behavior. In public, they’re charismatic and successful. People who know you might say you’re so lucky to have them as a friend or romantic partner, thinking they’re genuinely great even though they’re not.
15. They seem to go through the motions.
A high-functioning narcissist is skilled at making themselves appear disciplined, ambitious and kind, but it’s all part of their act. Even though they might do nice things for you, like planning a romantic dinner, you’ll notice that they lack warmth. Their smile doesn’t quite reach their eyes, which are always empty and cold. If you’re dating someone and things just feel “off,” your gut could be alerting you to the fact that they’re pulling out all the stops to manipulate you.
