Ever wondered if you’re the villain in someone else’s story? In this article, we’re going to explore 16 personality traits that might just be the reason your friends are suddenly “busy” every time you call, or why your exes all seem to have the same story about why things didn’t work out. Now remember: identifying these traits in yourself doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you human. The key is recognizing them and deciding if it’s time for a change. Let’s get started!
1. Being the victim.
As far as toxic personality traits go, this is numero uno. Perhaps you hate being blamed for anything—so much that when you are, you’re quick to pass it off to someone else. Maybe you’ve been late for work a lot lately. But instead of taking accountability for this and apologizing, you blame everything from the weather to the traffic—and even your dog. Yup, that’s toxic.
2. Taking everything to heart.
If you’re a toxic person, you might struggle to be around people who like to play around and tease. Why? Because to you, every comment feels like a personal jab. For example, your brother might rib you for being bossy as a child, and instead of laughing it off and mentioning something he did, too, you go quiet and sulk for the next few hours, refusing to talk to him.
3. Pleasing everyone around you.
Another toxic personality trait is people pleasing. Maybe you felt you could never live up to your parents’ standards as a child, so you did everything they said to keep them happy. Now, as an adult, you go out of your way to ensure everyone’s good, to your detriment. If someone can’t make it to game night, you volunteer to pick them up on your way, or if your partner wants to go out for the third night in a row, you happily agree even though you really need sleep.
4. Being entitled.
Another personality trait that leans towards being toxic is being entitled. Perhaps you think the world revolves around you—and you have since childhood. You believe you’re entitled to a great job without putting the work in. Maybe you expect your parents to pay for everything, from your apartment’s rent to your grocery bill, even though you’re pushing 30. Feeling like the world owes you something is a tell-tale sign of toxicity.
5. Guilt-tripping.
Are you guilty of guilt-tripping? If your best friend cancels on you because they have an emergency appointment at the dentist, do you make them feel bad instead of being sympathetic? Do you say, “I knew you didn’t care about me—otherwise, you wouldn’t bail on me like this.” If you found yourself nodding your head “yes” to these questions, that’s a sign you’re toxic.
6. Creating drama.
Creating drama isn’t just about being loud or argumentative. Oh no, it’s an art form. That friend who didn’t text you back immediately? Clearly, they’re plotting world domination. The coworker who forgot to say good morning? Obviously harboring a deep-seated vendetta against you. In your mind, you’re just “telling it like it is,” but in reality, you’re just creating unnecessary toxic drama.
7. Holding grudges.
If you’re a toxic person, then there’s a good chance you love to hold a grudge. When someone does you wrong, instead of talking to them about it and being quick to forgive, you hold it against them and weaponize it. For example, your partner made the mistake of contacting their ex when you first started dating. Instead of talking through it and moving on, you continue to bring it up, even though it’s been a few years since it happened.
8. Pushing boundaries.
If you treat people’s boundaries like suggestions at best, and challenges at worst, that’s toxic. Maybe you show up unannounced to a friend’s house and expect them to drop everything for you Or you might share your secrets without permission, because “it’s not a big deal.” If you often find yourself pushing people to do things they’re uncomfortable with, or dismissing others’ feelings, you might be a boundary pusher. The fix? Start asking permission and respect when people say “no.”
9. Being passive-aggressive.
You’re at the grocery store and in a rush, so you get your items and try to find the shortest line. When you’re almost at the checkout, you see an elderly person headed to the same cashier and they unintentionally cut you off. Instead of taking it in stride and lining up behind them, you smirk and mutter something under your breath. If you’re guilty of doing this or something like it, that’s your toxicity at work.
10. Being perfect.
You’re the person who not only demands perfection from yourself but weaponizes it against others. You nitpick your partner’s efforts to plan a surprise date, leaving them feeling deflated and resentful. At work, your team dreads presenting ideas to you, knowing you’ll find fault with even the most innovative concepts. But here’s the brutal truth: your pursuit of perfection is actually a path to isolation. Your relationships become transactional, based on meeting impossible standards rather than genuine connection. That’s not just toxic for others, it’s toxic for you, too.
11. Being jealous.
We’re not talking about the occasional twinge of envy (we’re all human, after all). We’re talking about the relationship-destroying kind of jealousy. You see your partner talking to a coworker? Must be flirting. A friend succeeding? They must have cheated somehow. If you find yourself unable to genuinely celebrate others’ successes, you might be letting your toxicity take over.
12. Being dishonest.
This is perhaps one of the more obvious personality traits you can have if you’re toxic. Did you lie about small things as a child, like stealing snacks before dinner? Now, as an adult, that’s an impulse you can’t help. You fib about everything, from when you got to work to how much you like that dress on your partner. Yikes.
13. Being unfaithful.
According to Verywell Mind, another extremely toxic trait is cheating. Nobody likes a cheater, and if you’ve ever cheated on someone in the past, you know how much it hurt them. It’s not just about sneaking around for a physical affair; this toxic trait comes in many flavors. From those seemingly innocent flirty texts to that lingering touch with a coworker, whatever the MO, infidelity is toxic AF.
14. Being inflexible.
Perhaps your partner promised they would come home from work early tonight and cook you a romantic dinner. However, they texted mid-afternoon to say they were still swamped and might be late—could they get takeout? Instead of understanding and adjusting your expectations, you get angry with them and stonewall them when they get home, refusing to eat together. That is about as toxic as it gets.
15. Being judgmental.
In a social setting, you might find it all too easy to make snap judgments about those around you, even if you don’t know them all that well. You laugh at the person wearing sunglasses inside at night without realizing they’re blind. Or, perhaps, you judge an acquaintance for getting a divorce, even though they were subjected to emotional abuse and manipulation. No matter how it shakes out, according to Mindbodygreen, forming harsh opinions about others is toxic.
