Ever get that nagging feeling that someone’s trying to pull your strings?
It’s not always easy to spot, especially when it’s subtle and gradual. But if you’re feeling a little uneasy in a relationship or friendship, it’s important to pay attention to these clues. They might just reveal whether someone is trying to exert control over you.
1. They constantly criticize your decisions.
It’s one thing to offer constructive feedback, but if someone is constantly nitpicking your choices and making you feel bad about them, it’s a red flag. This could be about anything from what you wear to who you hang out with. Their goal might be to undermine your confidence and make you doubt yourself.
2. They isolate you from your friends and family.
Do they make snide remarks about your loved ones or discourage you from spending time with them? A controlling person might try to isolate you from your support system, making you more dependent on them. They might even try to create drama or conflict between you and your loved ones to drive a wedge.
3. They monitor your activities and whereabouts.
A little curiosity is normal, but if someone is constantly asking where you are, who you’re with, and what you’re doing, it could be a sign of controlling behavior, Healthline notes They might demand access to your phone or social media accounts, or even track your movements. This is a major invasion of privacy and can make you feel suffocated.
4. They make all the decisions without your input.
Whether it’s what to have for dinner or where to go on vacation, a controlling person might make all the decisions without considering your preferences or opinions. They might dismiss your ideas or make you feel like your input doesn’t matter. This can leave you feeling powerless and frustrated.
5. They use guilt or emotional manipulation to get their way.
A controlling person might play on your emotions to get you to do what they want. They might guilt-trip you, make you feel responsible for their happiness, or threaten to withdraw their affection if you don’t comply. This is a manipulative tactic that can leave you feeling trapped and obligated to them.
6. They make you feel like you can’t do anything right.
No matter what you do, it’s never good enough. They might constantly criticize your efforts, point out your flaws, or belittle your accomplishments. This can destroy your self-esteem and make you feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells.
7. They become angry or jealous when you assert your independence.
If you express a different opinion, spend time with other people, or pursue your own interests, they might react with anger, jealousy, or possessiveness. They might try to guilt you into staying home, accuse you of cheating, or make you feel bad for wanting your own space. This is a clear sign of controlling behavior.
8. They make you feel like you need their permission to do things.
A controlling person might make you feel like you need their approval for every decision, big or small. They might question your choices, make you feel guilty for wanting to do things on your own, or even forbid you from certain activities. This can make you feel like a child rather than an equal partner in the relationship.
9. They try to control your finances.
Money can be a powerful tool for control. A controlling person might try to manage your finances, dictate how you spend your money, or limit your access to funds. They might even make you feel guilty for buying things for yourself or for not contributing enough financially. This can leave you feeling financially dependent and trapped.
10. They undermine your self-esteem.
A controlling person might constantly put you down, criticize your appearance, or make you feel inadequate. They might compare you to other people in a negative way or make you feel like you’re lucky to have them. This can really harm your self-confidence and make you more susceptible to their influence.
11. They gaslight you.
Gaslighting is a form of manipulation that makes you question your own sanity and reality. A controlling person might deny things they said or did, twist your words, or accuse you of being overly sensitive or dramatic. This can leave you feeling confused, disoriented, and unsure of yourself.
12. They use threats or intimidation to get their way.
A controlling person might threaten to hurt you, themselves, or someone you love if you don’t comply with their demands. They might also use verbal abuse, intimidation, or other forms of coercion to get you to do what they want. This is a serious red flag and should never be tolerated.
13. They constantly check up on you.
While a little checking in is normal, a controlling person might take it to the extreme. They might call or text you constantly throughout the day, demand to know where you are and who you’re with, or even show up unannounced at your workplace or home. This can make you feel like you’re under constant surveillance and have no privacy.
14. They blame you for their problems.
A controlling person might refuse to take responsibility for their own actions and instead blame you for their problems. They might accuse you of causing their anger, stress, or unhappiness. This is a manipulative tactic that can make you feel guilty and responsible for their well-being.
15. They make you feel like you’re walking on eggshells.
Do you feel like you have to constantly watch what you say and do around this person? Are you afraid of upsetting them or triggering their anger? If so, it’s a sign that they have created a toxic and controlling environment, Verywell Mind warns. You deserve to be in relationships where you feel safe, respected, and free to be yourself.
