If you’ve ever been around someone who makes you feel uneasy and like you’re constantly on guard, you know just how unnerving it can be. However, it’s likely not innocent — there’s a good chance they’re purposely doing things to intimidate you so that they hold all the power. Learning how to recognize these tactics can help you spot them – and protect yourself from manipulation.
1. Invading Your Personal Space
They might stand uncomfortably close, loom over you when you’re sitting, or even use their body to subtly block your path. Invading your personal space is a deliberate move to make you feel uncomfortable and off-balance. They want to assert a sense of physical dominance and pressure you into retreating.
2. Using a Loud Voice and Aggressive Tone
Instead of a conversation, they launch into a tirade. Loud talking, harsh words, and constant interruptions are their weapons of choice. Their goal? To drown you out and establish dominance. This move leaves you feeling flustered and less likely to argue back or even get a word in edgewise. They want to control the conversation and make sure their voice is the only one heard.
3. Making Intense Eye Contact (Like They’re Staring You Down)
Forget eye contact, this is a full-on glare. They lock eyes with you, holding the gaze for an uncomfortably long time like a predator sizing up its prey. This aggressive tactic is designed to intimidate you into looking away first. According to ScienceDirect, averted eyes are seen as a sign of submission, and that’s exactly what they’re after – to establish themselves as the dominant one.
4. Making Threatening Gestures
Their body language screams aggression, even if there’s no physical threat. It’s a performance meant to intimidate and put you on the defensive. They want you rattled and focused on their theatrics, not the actual content of what they’re saying. This way, they control the conversation and keep you from effectively arguing back.
5. Mocking or Sarcasm
Someone who wants to intimidate you will belittle your ideas by being condescending or firing off snarky remarks. Their goal is to make you feel foolish and break down your confidence. By attacking your intelligence, they hope to shake your self-belief and make you dependent on them. They want you to question your own judgment and turn to them for the “right” answers.
6. Playing the Victim
The moment you challenge them, they switch gears completely. Suddenly, they’re the wronged person, the one under unfair attack. It’s all about manipulation — trying to make you backpedal or apologize excessively. They’re trying desperately to deflect any blame and keep you from ever daring to call them out again.
7. Making Exaggerated Shows of Power
They flaunt their connections, possessions, or status trying to make you feel smaller. Name-dropping influential people or bragging about material things is supposed to intimidate you, for some reason. They want you to think they have resources and influence you lack, which they think makes them superior in some way.
8. Spreading Rumors & Gossip
They try to damage your reputation socially by spreading lies or half-truths behind your back. Their goal is to isolate you and undermine your relationships. When you don’t have your support network behind you, it makes you more vulnerable to their manipulation tactics.
9. Humiliating You in Front of Other People
Jabs at your expense, “playful” but hurtful teasing in a group setting, or calling you out on mistakes publicly are seriously messed up. They want to embarrass you and undermine your confidence around other people. Public humiliation is aimed at damaging your social standing and making you afraid to speak out against them.
10. Giving Backhanded Compliments
Someone who wants to intimidate you might resort to praising you in a way that’s actually an insult, like, “You did a good job for someone who’s not very experienced.” It’s designed to put you down subtly while seemingly being supportive. It’s a subtle way to chip away at your self-esteem and keep you feeling like you’re never quite good enough.
11. Dismissing Your Feelings
They dismiss your feelings with a shrug and tell you to “get over it” as if your struggles don’t matter. They make you feel silly or childish for having emotions at all. Their goal is to make you doubt your own feelings and shut down open communication. By treating your emotions as unimportant, they slowly break down your trust in your own experiences.
12. “Jokes” That Hurt
Someone who wants to intimidate you will dish out backhanded compliments and mean-spirited jokes, then call you “too sensitive” if you get upset. It’s a sneaky way to make you doubt your own feelings and shut your mouth. They want you to downplay their disrespect and accept their behavior as harmless, even as it chips away at your confidence.
13. Controlling Behavior
They act like they own you, trying to control what you wear, who you hang out with, and even how you spend your free time. The goal is to squash your independence so you always need their permission. They want to break down your ability to make decisions for yourself, even about the littlest things. This is all about making you dependent on them. When that happens, they’re the ones in control.
14. Nitpicking & Criticism
They criticize everything you do, like you can’t tie your shoes without messing up. This constant negativity takes a toll on your confidence and makes you crave their approval. By chipping away at your self-esteem, they make you feel like you need them to feel good about yourself. This creates a situation where they can easily manipulate you and keep you feeling unsure of yourself.
15. Unpredictable Behavior
They’re the king (or queen) of mood swings, flipping from super friendly to scary angry in the blink of an eye. You never know which version you’re going to get, so you’re constantly walking on eggshells, trying to avoid setting them off. According to Verywell Mind, this emotional rollercoaster keeps you anxious and afraid, focused more on appeasing them than questioning their behavior. It’s a move meant to keep you off-balance and make you too stressed to think straight.
