Toxic masculinity harms men too. Societal pressures can leave them feeling emotionally stifled, insecure, and isolated. Women, as partners, mothers, friends, and colleagues, can play a pivotal role in championing men’s healthiest selves. You’re not coddling him or excusing bad behavior, you’re creating space for genuine growth and vulnerability that benefits everyone in the long run.
1. Be a Safe Space for Emotional Expression.
Many men are taught to suppress “weak” emotions, The Washington Post notes. Letting your guy know it’s okay to cry or confide fears without judgment encourages a healthier relationship with his inner world. The more safe he feels with you, the less likely he is to bottle up and explode later.
2. Recognize Effort, Not Just Outcomes.
Society focuses on male achievement. Did he get the promotion? Win the game? Praising the work he put in, even if it didn’t yield the desired result, reinforces that his worth isn’t solely tied to external success. This lessens the toxic pressure many men feel.
3. Compliment Him Beyond Looks and Skills.
“You’re so strong” feeds into limiting stereotypes. Notice his kindness, humor, thoughtfulness… This encourages him to see himself as a whole person, not just a performer. It also deepens the connection by showing you value his inner qualities.
4. Don’t Treat Him Like a Project to Fix.
Wanting to help the men in your life grow is admirable, but unsolicited advice feels patronizing. Frame it as support: “That sounds stressful, want me to brainstorm solutions WITH you, or just listen?” Preserving his agency builds trust far more than nagging.
5. Challenge Limiting Stereotypes.
Casually make remarks that push back against rigid gender roles: “It’s so sexy when a guy isn’t afraid to be vulnerable,” or “Love men comfortable expressing their emotions.” This subtly plants seeds, influencing his ideas of what masculinity can be.
6. Encourage Him to Seek Help When Needed.
Men often suffer silently with mental health struggles. Normalize therapy and actively help him find resources if needed. Letting him know you support seeking help (for him OR yourself) removes the stigma that prevents many men from getting vital support.
7. Celebrate His Friendships.
Healthy male friendships are vital, yet often mocked. Enthusiastically support his bromances, make space for guys’ nights… Showing you value him having a life outside your relationship builds security, which makes him a better partner, not a worse one.
8. Call Out His BS, With Compassion.
Holding him accountable for harmful behaviors IS supportive. But how you do it matters. Instead of “You’re acting like a jerk,” try “I love you, AND I feel hurt when you do that. Can we talk?” This balances firmness with care, making him more likely to truly listen.
9. Initiate Affection, Both Sexual AND Non-Sexual.
Subtly reinforcing the idea that he’s desired, loved, and valued beyond performance builds his confidence in deeply meaningful ways. A playful cuddle, a surprise back rub, an enthusiastic flirt… These reminders of the warmth between you boost his well-being in ways he might struggle to articulate.
10. Express Gratitude for the Little Things.
Did he take out the trash without being asked? Pick up your favorite snack? Tell him it matters, Psychology Today suggests. This positive reinforcement trains his focus onto the good he’s doing in the relationship, incentivizing him to do more of those things.
11. Be Mindful of Emasculation, Especially in Public.
Criticizing him in front of friends or correcting him on minor things erodes his self-esteem. If there’s a serious issue, address it privately. Public put-downs harm him AND your relationship, while a discreet word preserves his dignity and keeps the team-vibe strong.
12. Respect His Need for Autonomy.
“We” time is important, but healthy men also need “me” time. Don’t take it personally if he wants a day fishing with the guys or time alone in his man cave. That space allows him to return to the relationship recharged, not resentful.
13. Model Healthy Vulnerability for Your Sons.
If you’re a mom, how you express your OWN emotions has a profound impact. Openly discuss your feelings, anxieties, imperfections… This teaches boys it’s okay to do the same. Nurturing this emotional literacy sets them up for far healthier future relationships.
14. Champion Male Allies in the Workplace.
Notice colleagues who uplift women, call out sexism, and use their privilege to create equity rather than exploit it. Amplify their voices, share their actions.. This positive reinforcement inspires more men to be active in dismantling harmful systems.
15. Avoid the “Damsel in Distress” Trap.
While it’s fine to accept help, constantly playing helpless subtly reinforces notions of male superiority. Figure out that tech problem, change your own tire when possible… Seeing you capable and resilient influences his view of women in general.
16. Show Interest in His Passions (Even if You Don’t Share Them).
He lights up talking about woodworking or some obscure video game? Ask some questions, try to engage. Feeling seen for his true interests builds trust. You don’t have to become an expert, but that basic investment makes him feel valued as a whole person.
17. Let Him Lead Sometimes.
Many women have a natural take-charge spirit, which is great! But consciously stepping back at times allows him to feel needed, capable, and a strong contributor to the team. Finding the balance between being a boss and letting him take the reins strengthens his self-esteem without diminishing yours.
18. Be the Kind of Woman You Want Him to Be.
Strive to embody the qualities you desire in a partner – integrity, emotional openness, kindness. While none of us are perfect, leading by example is far more powerful than complaining about his shortcomings. When he sees those traits at home, he’s far more motivated to live up to them himself.
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