It’s easy to slip into show-off mode, especially if you have some pretty impressive accomplishments under your belt. However, there’s something so much more appealing about genuine humility. If you want to make that shift, you have to learn how to ditch the bragging and embrace a more authentic (and down-to-earth!) way of connecting with other people.
1. Get curious about why you feel the need to brag all the time.
Is it insecurity? Do you crave validation that you don’t feel deep down? Is it competitiveness? Often, the need to show off masks a deeper issue, such as insecurity, Psychology Today notes. Once you understand what you’re getting from those moments of boasting, you can start addressing the root of the behavior, not just trying to suppress the symptom itself.
2. Do a lot more active listening.
Next time you’re with friends, consciously shift focus away from yourself. Ask them questions, truly listen to their stories, and show genuine interest in their lives. When conversations feel competitive, where each person tries to one-up the last, it’s exhausting! Practice being the support system instead of the center of attention and notice how it shifts things for the better.
3. Recognize that everyone has struggles you don’t see.
Behind the perfect Instagram facade, even the most put-together people have their own messy moments. Remembering this helps curb the desire to constantly show off a highlight reel of your life. Focus on compassion, and recognize the challenges everyone faces, even if they don’t broadcast them to the world.
4. Be genuinely happy for other people.
Train yourself to ditch the envy and genuinely feel good for other people’s successes. This creates positive vibes, both within yourself and the group. Being the friend who’s always excited for others builds stronger relationships than being the one who always has to top them. Shift your internal dialogue from “How can I make this about me?” to “That’s awesome, and I’m so happy for them!”
5. Seek out experiences that put your ego in check.
Volunteer at a homeless shelter, travel to a place vastly different from your own way of life, or maybe take a class where you’re the absolute beginner. Being humbled on the regular keeps those show-off tendencies from getting out of control. The bigger perspective helps you recognize that your slice of the world is just one small part of the vast human experience.
6. Find fulfillment in things that don’t earn praise.
Be genuinely kind without expecting recognition, master a skill solely for the joy of learning, or go the extra mile at work simply because it’s the right thing to do. These things build character more than any external validation. Shift your focus from achievements to the process, and you disconnect from needing that constant external approval.
7. Practice gratitude every single day.
Actively focusing on the positive things in your life makes it harder to slip into comparing yourself to others. A grateful heart doesn’t need to boast. Start a gratitude journal, or make a mental note each day of three things you’re grateful for. It shifts your mindset away from lack and toward contentment, making showing off feel less appealing.
8. Surround yourself with genuine people you admire.
Are your friends constantly bragging, competing, and making conversations all about them? That behavior is contagious! Seek out friends with humility and kindness. These kinds of people build you up rather than making it feel like you have to always prove your worth. Your social circle greatly impacts your own behaviors, so choose wisely!
9. Own your mistakes and flaws.
Pretending to be perfect makes you seem unrelatable and like you care more about appearances than honesty. Humbly admitting when you screw up shows everyone you’re human, just like them. Paradoxically, embracing imperfections is way more endearing than trying to hide them from the world.
10. Make self-deprecating humor your friend — in moderation.
Poking gentle fun at yourself shows you don’t take yourself too seriously. But overdo it, and it comes across as insecure or fishing for compliments. Self-deprecating humor is a sprinkle, not the main ingredient in how you present yourself to the world. Balance it with showcasing genuine self-confidence!
11. Give credit where credit is due.
Spotlight your team’s contributions, acknowledge the friend who hooked you up with that job interview, and be generous with praise where it’s deserved. When you shine the light on other people, you end up shining brighter yourself because people respect that generosity of spirit.
12. “Strong opinions, loosely held” should be your motto.
Having beliefs is great, but being unwilling to hear other perspectives makes you seem arrogant. Be open to the idea that you might be wrong, that someone else’s perspective has value. Saying “That’s an interesting point of view, I hadn’t considered it that way” makes a way better impression than being a dogmatic know-it-all, Well+Good explains.
13. Learn to laugh at yourself.
Spill coffee on yourself? Trip in public? Instead of getting flustered, laugh it off! Not taking life too seriously and being able to find humor in embarrassing moments shows you have perspective and a healthy dose of humility. Everyone does dumb things sometimes; learning to laugh at your own foibles puts others at ease and makes you way more likeable.
14. Disconnect from “stuff.”
Basing your self-worth on possessions, labels, or what others think is a guaranteed path to constant bragging. Focus on experiences, growth, and good character over material things. When you value being over having, the urge to constantly show off what you own diminishes.
15. Find a way to serve others.
Using your skills, time, or resources to benefit those who are less fortunate is an instant humility booster. It shifts your perspective from how can I get to how can I give. This focus on making a positive impact naturally curbs those tendencies to compare and flaunt what you have.
16. Take a break from social media, or be mindful of what you post.
If a big chunk of your bragging happens online, a digital detox might be in order. Even short breaks to re-center and disconnect from the constant stream of curated “lives” helps you focus less on how others perceive you and more on actually living authentically. If you do post, do it with the intention to inspire or connect, not just amass likes.
17. Ask for help when you need it.
People who think they have all the answers come across as arrogant. Admitting you need help shows humility and a willingness to learn and grow. Plus, it’s an opportunity for connection; those who help feel good about doing so, building stronger relationships with you in the process.
18. Embrace the journey.
No one has it all figured out, no matter how their life may look. Celebrate milestones, but recognize that genuine fulfillment comes from the process of learning, evolving, and becoming the best version of yourself. When you’re focused on growth, there’s less energy for needing applause along the way because the path itself is the real reward.
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