Look, we’re not here to judge—everyone’s got their quirks, right? But when it comes to the people we let into our lives, it pays to be a bit savvy. That’s why we’ve put together this list of 20thesubtle signs that might make you go “Hmm…” about someone.
1. They’re overly materialistic
While there’s nothing wrong with enjoying nice things, defining your worth through possessions or status symbols can indicate shallow values. Watch for constant brand-dropping, an obsession with owning the latest gadgets, or a tendency to judge others based on their belongings. This materialism is usually just masking a deep-rooted insecurity.
2. They frequently lie or exaggerate
According to Verywell Mind, honesty is the foundation of trust in any relationship. This could range from white lies to embellishing stories or outright deception. Pay attention to inconsistencies in their stories or a tendency to change details when retelling events. Frequent lying, even about small things, can show a lack of integrity or a disconnection from reality.
3. They’re always competing
Life isn’t a constant competition, and those who treat it like one often struggle with insecurity and forming genuine connections. This might manifest as always trying to one-up others, turning casual activities into contests, or being a sore loser (or winner). Constant competitiveness in social situations can be exhausting and off-putting.
4. They lack curiosity about others
Genuine interest in others is a hallmark of emotional intelligence and empathy. Someone who shows little curiosity about others’ lives, opinions, or experiences may be self-centered or lacking in social skills. In conversations, they might constantly bring the topic back to themselves, ask few questions, or seem disengaged when others are speaking. This lack of curiosity can prevent the formation of deep, meaningful relationships and indicate a narrow worldview.
5. They constantly gossip
Sure, gossip can be tempting, but when someone consistently engages in negative talk about others, it’s a red flag. Pay attention to how they speak about friends, colleagues, or acquaintances when they’re not around. If they’re always sharing unflattering stories or spreading rumors, it’s likely they do the same about you when you’re not present.
6. They never apologize sincerely
We all make mistakes, but how we handle them speaks volumes. A person who struggles to offer genuine apologies often lacks emotional maturity or empathy. A sincere apology acknowledges the hurt caused, takes responsibility without deflecting blame, and expresses a commitment to do better. If someone in your life consistently fails to offer real apologies, it may indicate a deeper issue with accountability.
7. They’re inconsiderate of others’ time
Punctuality and reliability might seem like small matters, but they reflect a person’s respect for others. Someone who is consistently late, cancels plans at the last minute, or fails to follow through on commitments is showing a lack of consideration. While occasional lapses are understandable, a pattern of this behavior indicates they don’t fully respect you or others in their life.
8. They’re rude to service workers
How a person treats people in service positions is often a window into their true character. Watch how they interact with waitstaff, cashiers, or customer service representatives. Are they polite and patient, or dismissive and rude? Someone who is kind to their peers but disrespectful to those they perceive as “beneath” them often has a problematic view of social hierarchies.
9. They’re inconsistent in their behavior
Unpredictable behavior can be a sign of emotional instability or manipulation. If someone is charming one moment and cold the next, or if their treatment of you varies wildly depending on their mood or who else is around, it’s cause for concern. This inconsistency can leave you walking on eggshells, never sure which version of the person you’ll encounter.
10. They make promises they don’t keep
A person who frequently makes promises they don’t follow through on is showing a lack of integrity. This could be anything from small commitments (“I’ll call you tomorrow”) to larger ones (“I’ll definitely help you move”). While everyone occasionally falls short, a pattern of broken promises indicates that their words don’t align with their actions.
11. They’re always borrowing money
Everyone faces unexpected financial hardships, but a person who consistently relies on others for financial bailouts may have deeper issues with accountability or impulse control. Pay attention to whether they repay loans, if they’re always short despite having a steady income, or if they seem to live beyond their means. This behavior can strain relationships and indicate a lack of planning or consideration for others.
12. They’re constantly seeking validation
This might manifest as fishing for compliments, constantly posting on social media for likes, or needing others to affirm their every decision. It often stems from deep insecurity and can lead to manipulative behavior as they try to fulfill their need for approval. This constant need for external validation can prevent them from developing genuine self-esteem or making authentic connections.
13. They’re quick to anger
According to Emotional Behavior Clinics, emotional regulation is a key aspect of maturity. Someone who frequently loses their temper, especially over minor issues, may struggle with impulse control or have deeper emotional issues. This doesn’t just mean yelling—it can also manifest as passive-aggressive behavior, sulking, or giving the silent treatment. Frequent anger outbursts can create a tense, walking-on-eggshells atmosphere and indicate an inability to handle stress or disappointment in healthy ways.
14. They never express gratitude
Someone who rarely says “thank you” or acknowledges others’ efforts may be taking people for granted. This isn’t just about politeness—it’s about recognizing and appreciating the contributions of others. A person who struggles with gratitude might have an inflated sense of entitlement or lack awareness. Pay attention to whether they acknowledge small kindnesses or only show appreciation for grand gestures.
15. They never take responsibility for their actions
A person who always has an excuse, blames others for their mistakes, or refuses to acknowledge their role in problems is showing a lack of maturity. Maybe they always blame traffic for being late, or claim a teacher has it out for them when they fail a test, or never admit when they’ve hurt someone’s feelings. This behavior prevents learning from mistakes and can lead to a cycle of repeated issues.
