When you’re in those early, butterfly-filled honeymoon stages of a relationship, it’s tough to see clearly. Infatuation warps your judgment, but there are often subtle red flags waving right from the start, if you know what to look for. Paying attention to these signs can save you some major heartache down the line. Here’s what you should be keeping your eyes peeled for if you want to protect yourself.
1. They love-bomb you with intense flattery and declarations of love way too soon.
In healthy relationships, affection and intimacy build over time. But if they’re calling you their soulmate after two dates, insisting you’re “the one,” or showering you with over-the-top praise, that’s odd. Love-bombing is often used by manipulative people to hook you in quickly, Choosing Therapy warns. It feels amazing but is ultimately unsustainable and can hide some not-so-great personality traits.
2. They want to rush into things and get super serious quickly.
Urging you to move in together, talking marriage weeks into dating, or pressuring you to commit before you’re ready – this isn’t romantic, it’s a red flag. They might be trying to lock you down before you fully realize what you’re getting into. Healthy relationships move at a pace that works for both people, not just one person’s agenda.
3. They have trouble respecting your boundaries, big or small.
You mention needing alone time, and they pout or guilt-trip you. They push for physical intimacy before you’re ready or try to convince you to ditch plans with your friends. Early on, testing boundaries is a way to see how much you’ll tolerate. A good partner supports your right to have an independent life, even when they don’t love your choices.
4. They constantly want to know where you are and what you’re doing.
A little “good morning” text is sweet. But incessant checking in, needing to know your whereabouts 24/7, or getting upset if you don’t respond immediately isn’t about missing you; it’s about control. This controlling behavior will likely get worse over time, not better.
5. They make you feel bad if you don’t immediately say “I love you” back.
Love takes time to develop. If they’re pressuring you to reciprocate their feelings before you’re ready, that’s a form of emotional manipulation. You’re entitled to your own timeline, and a good partner won’t try to force those big milestones to happen faster.
6. Their past relationships are a parade of disasters, and they blame everyone else.
Everyone has had a messy breakup at some point. But if they paint all their exes as crazy, dramatic, or horrible people, tread carefully. It’s a sign they refuse to take responsibility for their role in relationship problems. Odds are, when things go south with you (and they will in any relationship), you’ll become the next villain in their story.
7. They badmouth their friends or family members.
Pay attention to how they speak about the other important people in their life. If they trash-talk those closest to them, it reveals a few things: they likely lack real loyalty, they could easily turn on you next, and they probably have unrealistic expectations about relationships in general.
8. They try to isolate you from your loved ones early in the relationship.
Suddenly they don’t like your friends, question why you need to spend time with your family, or pout if you choose hanging with others instead of them. This is a major red flag. Isolating their partner is a way to gain control. Healthy partners encourage you to have a life outside the relationship.
9. There’s a “Jekyll and Hyde” switch in their personality.
One minute they’re charming, the next they snap over something small. These mood swings and unpredictable reactions are unsettling. It makes you walk on eggshells, scared of setting them off. This volatility is usually a sign of deeper emotional issues that they haven’t dealt with.
10. You constantly feel like you have to justify yourself to them.
They question your choices, criticize your decisions, or analyze your motives. It leaves you feeling on the defensive, like you constantly have to prove yourself worthy of their affection. This is exhausting! A healthy relationship should feel supportive, not like you’re on trial.
11. They don’t deal with conflict well – they either shut down or explode.
Disagreements are a normal part of any relationship. But, if they refuse to discuss things, give you the silent treatment for days, or blow up in rage over small issues, it’s a sign they lack healthy communication skills. You won’t be able to work through any problems together with those tactics.
12. They have difficulty with sincere apologies.
Saying sorry is easy — it’s changing behavior is hard. If they downplay their hurtful actions, offer fake “I’m sorry if you were offended”-style non-apologies, or immediately shift the blame to you, it shows a lack of accountability. Without the ability to admit wrongdoing and try to learn from it, the same problems will keep repeating.
13. You start modifying your behavior to try and avoid problems with them.
You choose your words carefully, hide things that you think might upset them, or avoid activities you enjoy because they won’t approve. This shows you’re starting to shrink yourself to fit what they want. You shouldn’t have to constantly censor yourself around your partner!
14. Your gut says something is off, even if you can’t fully explain why.
Intuition is powerful! Notice that nagging feeling, the little voice saying, “This doesn’t seem right.” Sometimes there are subconscious red flags that your brain picks up on, even if you haven’t logically connected the dots. Listen to that gut feeling!
15. They have a short fuse and get angry about minor inconveniences.
Overreacting to small things like traffic jams, typos, or a restaurant running out of their favorite dish is a sign of poor frustration tolerance. It might seem unrelated to your relationship, but how they handle everyday stressors tells you how they’re likely to behave when bigger problems arise.
16. They expect you to always put their needs above your own.
Relationships involve compromises, but they shouldn’t be completely one-sided, Verywell Mind points out. If they always expect you to drop everything for them, change your plans at the last minute to suit them, or never reciprocate your efforts, that’s an imbalance of power. This breeds resentment over time.
17. They talk down to you, even in subtle ways.
Even if they’re disguised as playful teasing or jokes, they make little digs that eat away at your self-esteem. Maybe they comment on your looks, intelligence, or choices in a way that leaves you feeling insecure. This is a way to undermine your confidence and gain the upper hand in the relationship.
18. You don’t feel like you can fully be yourself around them.
The best relationships make you feel comfortable enough to let down your guard. If you find yourself hiding aspects of your personality, pretending to like things you don’t, or feeling on edge around them, it’s a sign you can’t truly relax with this person. Being loved for who you truly are is the foundation of a strong relationship.
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