Carrying around some extra emotional baggage in the form of anger or resentment? Don’t worry, you’re not alone. It’s totally normal to feel these emotions. But when you go beyond just feeling and holding onto them…that’s like drinking poison and expecting the other person to get sick. So, let’s chat about how to let go of these heavy feelings and live a little lighter.
1. Acknowledge your feelings
First things first: it’s okay to be angry or resentful. Really, it is! The first step in dealing with these emotions is to acknowledge them. Don’t try to push them down or pretend they don’t exist. Say it out loud if you need to: “I’m feeling angry right now, and that’s okay.” Recognizing your emotions is the first step toward managing them effectively.
2. Identify the root cause
Take some time to reflect on what’s really bothering you. Are you feeling disrespected? Hurt? Scared? Understanding the root cause can help you address the real issue rather than just the surface-level emotion. It’s like being a detective, now grab your trench coat and start uncovering.
3. Practice mindfulness
Mindfulness isn’t just a therapy buzzword, it’s actually a great tool for managing emotions. When you feel anger or resentment bubbling up, try to observe these feelings without judgment. Notice how they feel in your body. Are your fists clenched? Is your jaw tight? By observing your emotions mindfully, you can create a bit of space between you and the feeling, making it easier to respond rather than react.
4. Use the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique
When anger threatens to overwhelm you, try this: Name 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. This can help bring you back to the present moment and out of the spiral of angry thoughts.
5. Write it out
Sometimes, the best way to release emotions is to get them out of your head and onto paper. Write a letter (that you won’t send) to the person you’re angry with. Or just journal about your feelings. Whatever you do, the act of writing can help you process your emotions and gain new perspectives. Plus, it’s a lot safer than sending that angry text you might regret later!
6. Try progressive muscle relaxation
This technique involves tensing and then relaxing different muscle groups in your body. Start from your toes and work your way up to your head. You’ll be surprised how quickly you release the tension and feel more relaxed.
7. Try the “empty chair” technique
This one might feel a bit silly, but it works. Set up an empty chair and imagine the person you’re angry with is sitting in it. Then, have a conversation with them. Express your feelings, listen to their imagined responses, and see if you can come to a resolution. It’s a safe way to get your feelings out without harming your relationship.
8. Use visualization techniques
Imagine a peaceful, calming place…maybe that’s a beach, or a forest, just choose anywhere you feel relaxed. When anger strikes, take a moment to visualize this place in detail. What do you see, hear, smell, and feel? This mental mini-vacation can help calm you down in a pinch.
9. Use physical activity to release tension
Ever heard of “running off” your anger? There’s actually some truth to it! Physical activity can be a great way to release pent-up emotions. So go for a run, hit a punching bag, or dance it out to your favorite angry music. As long as you’re doing it in a safe, controlled way, you’re good.
10. Use positive affirmations
Are affirmations cheesy? Yeah, a little. But they can also be a powerful tool for changing your mindset. Try repeating phrases like “I choose to feel at peace” or “I am in control of my reactions.” Find ones that resonate with you and use them when you feel that anger rising.
11. Use humor
Laughter really can be the best medicine. If it’s appropriate. try to find the funny in your situation. Whether that’s watching a silly video, telling a dad joke, or something else, try your best to sift through your situation for some humor. Not only can a good laugh help release tension, but it can also shift your perspective.
12 Practice forgiveness (including self-forgiveness)
Forgiveness isn’t about excusing bad behavior. It’s something you do to free yourself from the burden of anger and resentment. This includes forgiving yourself for any part you might have played in the situation. Remember, forgiveness is a gift you give yourself, not the other person.
13. Reframe your thoughts
According to Psychology Today, our thoughts have a huge impact on our emotions. Try to catch yourself when you’re having negative thoughts. For example, instead of “They always do this to me!”, try “This situation is frustrating, but it’s not permanent.” It takes practice, but over time, this can really change how you react to these types of situations.
14. Focus on what you can control
A lot of anger and resentment comes from feeling powerless. Remember the saying: focus on changing what you can, accepting what you can’t, and having the wisdom to know the difference. Put your energy into the things within your control, like your reactions and choices.
15. Seek professional help
If you’re struggling to manage your anger or resentment on your own, get help from a therapist or counselor. They can provide you with personalized strategies and a safe space to work through it all. And besides, asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness!
