You know that coworker who boasts about their likes on social media? Or your childhood friend who turns a fun game into a contest? While a little competition can be enjoyable, dealing with overly competitive people can be exhausting and stressful. But don’t worry! Here’s a guide to help you navigate them.
1. Understand their motivation
First things first, try to understand why they’re acting this way. Often, overly competitive people are driven by insecurity or a deep-seated need for validation. Maybe they grew up in an environment where love and attention were tied to achievements. Understanding this can help you respond with empathy rather than frustration. Sure, it doesn’t excuse the behavior, but it helps you see the bigger picture.
2. Don’t take it personally
Remember, their competitiveness isn’t about you—it’s about them. When they try to one-up you, it’s not because you’re lacking in some way. It’s their own inner drive at work that is separate from you. Think of it like a sneeze…annoying if it’s in your direction, but not a personal attack.
3. Set clear boundaries
It’s okay to let them know when their competitive behavior is crossing a line. Say something like, “I appreciate your passion, but I’d rather not turn this into a competition.” There are tons of great ways to assert needing space without being aggressive.
4. Redirect the conversation
When you feel the conversation veering into competitive territory, try changing the subject. Be the conversational DJ—when you hear a track that’s not working for the vibe, you transition to something else. Something like, “That’s interesting, but hey, did you hear about the new coffee shop downtown?” will go over great.
5. Use humor
If they’re bragging about their marathon time, you could say throw out something like, “Wow, I’m impressed! I get winded just running to catch the bus.” It’s a great way to release the tension without having to hurt anyone’s feelings. A win-win.
6. Acknowledge their achievements
The truth is, that competitive people just want to be recognized. By sincerely acknowledging their accomplishments, you might satisfy their need for validation and reduce their competitive drive. Think of it like giving a thirsty plant some water.
7. Don’t get sucked into their game
It can be tempting to try to beat them at their own game, but this just escalates the situation. Resist the urge to compete back and hold your tongue. Because guess what? It’ll turn into a never-ending one-upping and that’s no fun for anyone.
8. Lead by example
Show them what non-competitive behavior looks like. Be supportive of others, celebrate their successes, and demonstrate that life isn’t always about winning. Who knows? Your sense of calm might just rub off on them.
9. Offer alternative perspectives
Help them see that there are lots of ways to measure success. If they’re always talking about career achievements, you could steer the conversation toward personal growth, relationships, or life experiences. There’s a whole world of potential accomplishments that you could be showing them!
10. Use the “yes, and” technique
Borrowed from improv comedy, this technique involves acknowledging what they’ve said and then building on it, rather than trying to top it. If they brag about running a marathon, instead of competing, you might say, “Yes, that’s amazing! And I bet you learned a lot during your training.”
11. Reframe “winning” as personal growth
Help shift their focus from outperforming others to improving themselves. You could introduce them to the Japanese concept of “kaizen,” or continuous improvement. It’ll help them turn that competitiveness inward and use it to develop themselves instead of trying to beat others.
12. Leverage their competitive nature positively
Instead of trying to dampen their competitive spirit entirely, try channeling it into something constructive. Challenge them to a “kindness contest” or see who can come up with the most creative solution to a problem. You’re not stopping them, just changing their course.
13. Practice strategic vulnerability
Counterintuitively, showing vulnerability can sometimes disarm overly competitive people. By admitting to your own struggles or failures, you create a space where perfection isn’t the goal. This can be especially powerful if you’re in a leadership position.
14. Get support
If you’re dealing with a highly competitive person who is a significant part of your life (like a family member or coworker), don’t hesitate to seek support. Talk to friends, family, or even a therapist about your experiences. They can help you stay on track and share tools for how to handle things in the moment.
15. Know when to walk away
If someone’s competitive behavior is consistently negative and affecting your well-being, it’s okay to distance yourself. Not every relationship needs to be maintained. sometimes, the best thing you can do is gracefully remove yourself.
