Whether it’s a close friend or someone you’re romantically linked with, finally seeing through a narcissist’s BS is enlightening. However, all bets are off once they find out you know what and who they are. You may find yourself in a war you didn’t want to be a part of, or you may get lucky, and they’ll simply ghost you and move on to the next victim. Either way, you’ll be left questioning how they got to you in the first place and how you can avoid future narcissists. Once you’ve exposed them, here are some things you can expect.
1. They try to rewrite history.
Gaslighting is one of the ways a narcissist will try to make you think things that aren’t real. They twist things so that you’re unsure which way is up and which is down. It’s a neat little way they have of rewriting history by making you look and feel crazy, when it’s all just a ruse to keep you connected and dependent on them.
2. They tell tall tales to whomever will listen.
As Psych Central notes, this is where the smear campaign comes in. Narcissists don’t like being found out, and if they have any clue that you’ve told people the truth about them, they’re going to do something drastic about it. At its most basic level, that includes telling people how crazy you are, that you’re the narcissist, and much more.
3. Anger may overtake them.
If the narcissist thinks people might believe what you have to say about them, their anger is likely to come out. They’re going to yell at you and possibly even break things — all in the name of scaring you into keeping your mouth shut. Unfortunately, this anger can sometimes lead to physical harm to you or yourself.
4. They’re be extra nice to people they know you know.
While you’re trying to expose the narcissists for who they are, they may be reaching out to those same people to win them over. They’ll be extra sweet so that you come off as crazy. “How could that person be such a lying narcissist when they were just so nice to us?” they’ll think.
5. They try to make you look like the abuser.
Narcissists have a strange superpower that helps them make their victims look like the abuser. Of course, not everyone is fooled by this guise. However, they will try their best to make it look like you’re the bad guy, and they’re sweet and innocent. They do this by turning things around on you, telling people you’re the narcissist — and they have some pretty good tactics to get this to look true with your help.
6. They try to bait you.
They want to pull you into an argument to use your words against you. If they say something derogatory and you start getting loud, then you’re the one in the wrong in their eyes — if it wasn’t true, why are you getting so upset about it? They can now say that you can’t have a calm conversation with them, that you get upset easily over the smallest things, and that you have a temper — all things that might not be true, but the narcissist baited you, and you fell for it hook, line, and sinker.
7. They introduce scare tactics.
You want to leave them, and they know why. Now they’ll pull out all the awful stops to keep you around, usually by using threats. They’ll say they’re going to tell everyone your deepest, darkest secrets if you leave them. Another common scare tactic is saying that they won’t let you leave, or that if you leave them, they’ll keep following you. They may even threaten to hurt themselves in some way if you walk away.
8. They continually bring up the past.
In a tactic called leveling, the narcissist will try to turn the tables and remind you that you’re not such a great person, either. They’ve been saving all of these events in their minds just for this, like when you stole something from a friend or lied to cancel plans with someone. They will bring all of these things up and threaten to expose you to people for them.
9. They try to make you feel like they’re the only person who will love you.
Even when you’ve shown the narcissist in your life that you see through their BS, they may come at you with love bombing. Suddenly, they start being nice again and showering you with gifts. However, it gets a little iffy as they start to tell you that no one else will love you — and they have a list of reasons why, all meant to make you feel unworthy of love and stuck with them instead.
10. They have an arsenal to discredit you.
To be able to turn people against you, the narcissist has saved up all sorts of info from the past to use to make people think you’re a liar, a bad person, and narcissistic yourself. Any little mistake you’ve ever made will be brought to the surface and made out to be bigger than it likely was when it happened. That’s part of the game they play when they want to be sure that they can still use and abuse others when you’re gone from their life, and to make sure you don’t get a happy ending.
11. They turn on the charm.
Just because you’ve found them out doesn’t mean they’ll do any of the things we’ve already mentioned. Just as no two people are exactly alike, neither are two narcissists. Yours may decide to turn on the charm and fool you into believing they’re still a good person deep down and have nothing but your best interests in mind. Don’t believe them; it’s just a ruse that tricks you into staying.
12. They try to isolate you.
Isolation is a tactic narcissists use to keep you not only from discovering who they are through the people outside of your relationship, but also to keep you from letting others know what’s going on behind your closed doors. Much of the time, when you leave a narcissist, people on both sides of the equation (their friends and yours) are confused because they didn’t see what you saw, and you never talked to them about what was going on. This is because of that isolation.
13. You may get the silent treatment.
When you come out and tell the narcissists in your life that you know what they are, they may clam up on you. Often, they do this just because they think if they don’t react, you’ll change your mind. However, it’s more likely a tactic to make you pushier and angry so they’ll have even more ammo to use against you later. Let them have their silent moment and broach the subject again later (if you bother at all).
14. They express absolute denial.
Of course, a narcissist is likely to say they’re not one and deny all the accusations you point their way. We already talked about how they can turn things around on you, but sometimes, they may sit in denial for a while. Don’t let them use this tactic to get you into an argument, though. Let them live in their little lie and move on with your life.
15. They move on to the next victim.
If you’re lucky, they’ll happily walk away from your relationship and leave you be. Some narcissists will challenge you, but others like the thrill of their trapped victim, and now that you’re free, you’re no fun. Then again, do you want someone else to go through what you just did?
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