At one point, you were probably madly in love with someone, only to later realize what a massive mistake you made. These days, you look back on the relationship and think, “I should have known better.” After all, there were probably some giant red flags waving right from the beginning. Unfortunately, for whatever reason, you ignored them and ended up paying a big price. These days, you know that when you ignore red flags in relationships, these things can (and usually do) happen.
1. You sacrifice some of your true self.
Because you’ve molded yourself to get along with another person who doesn’t suit you, you lose a little bit of yourself in the process. Instead of being true to yourself, you put yourself second to your partner’s needs and wishes. There’s only so much you can minimize yourself before you start to disappear completely.
2. You waste too much time on the wrong person.
Spending too much time with someone who exhibits red flags means wasting time you could have spent meeting the right person. You stay with someone longer than you should because you convince yourself they’ll change or that things will get better, but you were wrong. People don’t change for other people — as The Harvard Business Review explains, they have to want it for themselves (and most people never do).
3. You end up trapped in toxic patterns.
When you stay in a relationship with someone who’s waving some pretty glaring red flags, you end up in toxic patterns that are hard, if not impossible, to get out of. Maybe that means letting your partner call all the shots, accepting half-hearted apologies (or simply having to “get over it” if they refuse to say they’re sorry), etc. These patterns become part of you and drag you down.
4. You lose some of your self-worth.
If you don’t follow your instincts and demand the respect, consideration, and affection you deserve, it can do a real number on your self-esteem. By ignoring your own wisdom and intuition, it’s like you’re saying what you want doesn’t matter, and being with a particular person is more important than being treated with care and dignity.
5. You do your intuition a disservice.
The red flags are there to tell you that you should go another way. A red flag literally means “stop.” So when you notice a red flag but ignore it, you’re doing yourself a massive disservice by willingly walking into a situation instead of saving yourself the trouble and heartbreak. The flag triggered a reaction in you that instinctively told you something wasn’t right, and you should have listened to it.
6. You start beating yourself up for being naive.
If you don’t trust your own judgment, you’ll end up feeling like you were naive and should have known better when you do finally come to realize what’s going on. This is a horribly negative situation to be in later down the line. Sometimes, it’s hard to disentangle yourself from another person when there are things like mortgages, kids, and even marriage licenses involved. That’s why it’s important to get out early when you notice the red flags.
7. You get involved with people who aren’t worthy of you.
The red flag means that this isn’t the right person for you. Whether consciously or unconsciously, you’ve known at least one person in the past whose toxic behavior reminds you of this person. Even though they might seem attractive, mysterious, smart, or funny, that doesn’t mean they’re in a position to be an equal partner to you. If they can’t give you all you’re offering in return, you’re bettter off without them.
8. You open yourself up to negative influence.
If you let people into your life who trigger warning signs, then you’re allowing someone into your life who doesn’t deserve to be there. If someone is excessively gambling, flirting with other people, breaking the law, or anything that doesn’t sit right with you, remember that their behavior will reflect on you, and potentially put you in compromising or even dangerous positions.
9. You lose faith in your own judgment.
Ignoring red flags is a way of undermining your own judgment, Psychology Today explains. You’d rather listen to the little devil on your shoulder that tells you this person will be a bit of fun. When things inevitably go south, you end up wondering whether you’re as good of a judge of character as you thought you were and worrying that you might make the same mistake again in the future.
10. You come across as desperate.
Lowering your standards for someone who sets off red flags isn’t a good look. It seems desperate when you compromise so you can be with someone who just isn’t quite good enough. Honor the amazing human being that you are and choose someone better, or resolve to love the single life!
11. You violate your own values.
Living in accordance with your own values is part of what makes a meaningful life. Sacrificing these values for someone who shows red flags is a bad strategy in the long run. Compromising on the things that matter most to you in life leads to unhappiness, while living your values leads to joy and fulfillment.
12. You set a bad example for your kids.
If you have kids, whether that’s with this person or someone else, how you allow yourself to be treated sets an example to them. You might be able to ignore the red flags, but children notice them and this causes them harm. You end up setting them up for their own toxic patterns in future relationships, and that’s the last thing any parent wants.
13. You accept subpar treatment.
Generally speaking, red flags point to problematic behavior that you know deep down you should never accept. When you completely ignore those warning signs and proceed despite them, it’s inevitable that you’re going to be treated poorly, unfairly, and even in an abusive way. By shutting down situations with people who set off your Spidey senses, you can avoid having to accept less than you deserve.
14. Your boundaries get crossed.
When your boundaries are violated, you feel triggered and lose a sense of respect for yourself. Boundaries exist for a reason – to tell you that certain behaviors shouldn’t be tolerated and motivate you to defend yourself. People who exhibit red flags always cross your boundaries, even if you ask them not to.
15. You start to think abusive behavior is normal.
If you spend time with someone who consistently exhibits bad behavior, you end up thinking that behavior is okay. Setting a new normal opens up the floodgates for all sorts of other negativity in your life. Don’t let that happen – act on the red flags before they turn into actual crisis situations.
